the emotional post

the emotional post

*warning: this is an extremely personal post. don't read it if u can't stomach it.

maybe i'm hurting myself.
maybe in the process i hurt those who care for me.
maybe my approach is wrong.
maybe i am wrong.
maybe it's time to make a change.

i've never really been able to talk to many people in my life. having had strict parents, there were a lot of things i didn't say or do. and my social circle was rather limited. as a child, i was extremely sheltered. writing had always been an outlet, a vent, and an avenue for me to express myself. it is in the impersonal squiggles of the black and white that i found the strength to pour out how i truly felt about things. it was at first, long sheets of lined foolscape paper on which i penned my frustrations. but i always shredded them or burnt them because i didn't want my parents to find them. and then i discovered the joys of blogging. and my, at first, anonymous blog on livejournal became a place for distant friends to share my thoughts. but livejournal afforded me the type of private posting that i cherished, to keep painful thought processes out of prying eyes.

when i switched to blogspot that allowed me the customisation i liked, i lost that private blogging space, and everything became public. my rants, my struggles for composure, for personal growth, against personal demons. my long, angry rants are perhaps a little public now, and perhaps a little painful for some friends to read. perhaps more than a little burdensome and boring too.

perhaps now i need time to re-group, and to take stock of how best to proceed. perhaps this is the right time to have a major spring-cleaning and to throw out what no longer works for me. i'm semi-retiring from friendster. like the NEP, it has outlived it's usefulness and has gotten rather tacky.

and i'm taking a hiatus from this blog. for awhile. i need personal space. i need to struggle on my own for awhile. hopefully i'll find the strength to pull through a difficult period. hopefully, like the phoenix, i shall go through flames and be re-born a better person: stronger, if not wiser, at least a little more mature. maybe i need to re-connect with people and reality rather than put my thoughts out on a virtual space.

well, at least i'll try. but before i go, i promise to post up pictures of something that makes me happy and brings me peace: animals. i have some pics of doggie-woggies i'd like to share. at least i'll be taking a hike from the www on a positive note.

social equality vs romance

social equality vs romance

Don't read this if you don't want to read another rant. A guy friend of mine says I should learn to do the asking, if I were interested in a guy. Meaning, I should be telling him: 'I like you.' Because he won't answer me if I ask: 'Do you like me?' Why? Because I'm being a sexist if I want him to do the asking. If we women fight for social equality, then it should extend to relationships, and we should also start doing the asking. Right...

I know Savante has written about the double standards of social equality before, I think I read it in one of his archives, but here's from a woman's P.O.V.

I think everything in life, like the ultrasound system, is seen in grayscale. Nothing's black and white. The lines are blurred because it's the only way it could work. But we try to make it as fair as we possibly can.

But when it comes to romance, it's a little different. Women like being nurtured, and courted and wooed. Even the most hardened feminist among us. Women like romance, you know? And to feel like a woman. I know it's sad now when chivalry has died, but it's nice to meet a man who knows how to make you feel like a woman for once.

I wondered if I was the only freak out there who likes a man to do the asking, and so I asked a friend of mine in a happy relationship, who's as ambitious and feminist as they come on msn. Here's the conversation:

*names have been changed to protect privacy

NoF says:
lemme ask u something. do u think a guy should speak first, or the girl, if they both seem to like each other?
NoF says:
well, u know?
NoF says:
did u tell ur bf u liked him first?
A says:
eh... i dunno.. i'm not one for words
A says:
so it's like, i saw that he was always calling me, then touching my hair, so i knew la
A says:
he told me because he got cornered by my friend who was tired of watching us tiptoe-ing around each other
NoF says:
but would u tell a guy?
NoF says:
cos i wouldnt. n a guy friend said i was hypocritical about social equality
A says:
hahahah well lemme think
A says:
hmm nope
A says:
i might be more touchy feely tho
NoF says:
i think this is different, u know?
NoF says:
social equality is one thing
NoF says:
romance is another
NoF says:
it's NICE to know a guy LIKES u ENOUGH to try to make that EFFORT, dammit
NoF says:
so fine, i'm a social hypocrite. but i want it, i expect it, n i like it like that. is that so wrong? let's call it a preference
A says:
heheheh who's making u so frustrated la
NoF says:
ahhh.. this guy friend of mine is asking me why i wouldnt make the first move
A says:
ohhh... ceh tell him u only date men with balls to pursue the girl... hurhur
NoF says:
it's nothing about social equality
NoF says:
X is as ambitious as they come
NoF says:
but she'd like Y to buy her flowers and court her nicely, wouldn't she?
A says:
yes i should think so
NoF says:
ur bf buys u ****** (gadgety stuff la), but u WOULD like that yucky-sweet heart shaped pendant studded with cubic zirconia
NoF says:
even IF it was JUST stainless steel and cubic zirconia
NoF says:
sighs.. men. they can be SO DUMB DUMB
A says:
hahahaha well i've resigned myself to the fact that my bf is not a romantic
A says:
i know.. bet u my next present will be a toaster
NoF says:
nvm next time i see it, i'd tell him: B, BUY THAT FOR A. she'd jump ur bones
NoF says:
:P
NoF says:
yeah, tell him BUY, u wont regret it. sex whole night long :P
A says:
hehehehe no need la.. i'm happy enough that he opens the car door for me
A says:
and asks me in a mock serious tone whether he needs to warm the seat first
NoF says:
err.. but if he really does buy, u really have to give him sex all night long or he'll have my neck: NoF! U CHEAT MY MARNEE!!
NoF says:
hehhe
NoF says:
well ya
NoF says:
u can just say: gimme money for my next bday
NoF says:
i buy my own pressie :P
A says:
heheheheheh u silly
NoF says:
social equality! gawd.. i wanted to strangle him. of course i dont expect men to pay for every meal, they'd go broke
NoF says:
but it's nice to offer, right?
A says:
yup
A says:
very rare la nowadays
NoF says:
ya
NoF says:
social equality
NoF says:
if all women really advocated social equality
NoF says:
sleep around like no tomorrow
NoF says:
decide one morning to be mothers and just go for IVFs rather than look for husbands
NoF says:
i'll see how they LIKE social equality
A says:
hahahah NoF u're really pissed!
NoF says:
wahliew.. in relationships got social equality
NoF says:
but in workplace dun have lah
NoF says:
kanineh man
NoF says:
on the roads no lah
NoF says:
stupid driver: MUST be WOMAN
NoF says:
lousy boss: MUST be WOMAN. thieww
A says:
but it's good in some ways.. we control them by pretending to be stupid lil weaklings so they have to do everything ;)
NoF says:
not if u got urself a social equality kinda man, nope
NoF says:
woman do the chasing
NoF says:
woman do the asking
NoF says:
woman do the talking
NoF says:
woman do the cleaning
NoF says:
woman do the working
NoF says:
woman do the childbearing
A says:
bleh then don't date these kinda ppl lor
NoF says:
like i said. i might as well get me a huge ass dildo and an IVF baby
NoF says:
i think, dear.
NoF says:
social equality isn't about same-ness
NoF says:
it's about choice
NoF says:
the choice to have children or not
NoF says:
the choice to live or die (as in euthanasia)
NoF says:
whether or not we condone it
NoF says:
it's a choice open for us
NoF says:
not to be misused in that way
A says:
yes it is, well said hon
NoF says:
the choice for men to stay at home n be househusbands if both parties agree to it
NoF says:
its the blurring of traditional gender roles. n the choice to be different
NoF says:
sighs..
NoF says:
i'm disappointed
A says:
*hugs* dun get upset
A says:
distract urself with thoughts of hugging little doggies
A says:
i gtg k? balik liaoooo
NoF says:
bye!

Was I wrong? Am I wrong? I think Germain Greer would say that women are sometimes getting the shorter end of the stick nowadays. But that's what I honestly feel.

I'm disappointed.

If women were to really advocate social equality and behave the way men do, and, like Renee Zellweger's famour character in Down With Love, have sex a la carte, and have IVF babies when they want to be mothers without bothering with a husband, use a dildo for battery-powered sexual satisfaction, go and get a man when they want the occasional human vibrator, and toss him out once he's done his job before the night is out, I don't think men would be too happy. But for most women, it's a rather cold existence. Although it's a tempting prospect if men start getting too full of themselves and start taking women for granted.

I think there's a lot to be said for a woman's lot in life. And yet, men and women should learn how to compromise and complement one another.

I do think social equality is about choice. Not about same-ness. We can't be the same as men. We're physically different. Biologically different. Mentally different. Emotionally different. But it doesn't mean we're unequal. A man is made to fit a woman, just as a woman is made to fit a man. Why is that so hard to comprehend?

Social equality is about choice. It's about the choice and the chance to make difficult decisions without persecution and stigma. It's about basic human rights. It's about the choice to work so that there would be enough food to feed a family. It's about choice to NOT work if you want to and have the money. It's about choice to have children if you want them and can afford to feed them. It's about choice to NOT have children if you don't want them and cannot afford to keep them, or if they would be better off dead than alive. It's about choice to move about freely. It's about choice to live or die. It's about choices. Whether or not we condone it. But at least it's there when the decision is upon us. It's about the blurring of traditional gender roles, because we can, and because it's ok to. It's about freedom to be different. It's about freedom. Period.

It's NOT to be misused to get what we want, or what we think we want. It's NOT about forcing someone to do something they don't want to because they feel compelled to in the name of equality. That's emotional blackmail. That's no longer choice. And it's no longer freedom.

I WANT to be courted gently. I WANT to be asked nicely. I WANT to keep my virginity till the right man comes along. I WANT trust and respect and communication. It's my CHOICE. It's my FREEDOM. And I invoke that RIGHT under social equality. And if a man got no balls enough to tell me he likes me and to ask me out on a nice date, then well, maybe I shouldn't be kissing him in the first place now, should I? Time to get that curved, ribbed, huge ass dildo and to put my name up for IVF. That way at least I can be a mother, even if I can't be a wife. And maybe, if I get a son, I can teach him how to treat women right, and how to have some old-school charm.

OMG!

OMG!

Just a thought. Funny how people (believers and non-believers alike) turn to the Creator/ Almighty in times of extreme emotion... It's as though at moments like these, only a cry to someone/ something greater than ourselves would suffice, and we need to reach out to that Supreme Being.

Case in point:

In extreme anger: OMG!!

In extreme pain: OMG!!

In exreme frustration: OMG!!

In extreme despair: OMG!!

and of course, everyone's personal favourite,

In extreme passion/ lust: OMFG!! or just: OMG!!!!!! YES!! OMG!!!!!!!!

:P back to me books... UGH... OMG!!! Hehheh....

;) short post to make up for longest post of century? :P

better?

better?

NOW, is that better? I doubt Bren would read it anyway, but maybe some others might :P So, Davi, since i broke it down for you... :P Ahh, well, never mind lah. I was frustrated, it tickled my fancy to write a long Form 6 General Paper type of essay (except I'd fail Form 6 if I wrote that in exams :P) and I just had to put all that down :P That's for my reading pleasure in case I feel stupid one of these days. Kekeke...

more shit... Part. 4

more shit... Part. 4

And yet what has the current administration been doing? The 9th MP and recent Budget only goes to show that there is little that is being done to change the current situation or take the country forward. It retains the legacies of the M-era. It continues to favour the lazy way out of the NEP and the (ugly four-letter word starting with r)-based affirmative action policy that mollycoddles a particular group. That does little to help change the mindset or 'culture' of said people. Instead it instills corruption, overdependence on their pride and government aid. What's the 'in' word for it now? Ahh yes... 'rent-seeking'. I think the NEP has overstayed its welcome and outlived its purpose and usefulness. Yes, after the independence, it might have been useful to close the gap in racial economic disparity, but now, now it is being abused and misused. Not by all of said group of people, but by enough. I wonder why. I have many brilliant friends from this group of people. They are where they are in their own right. And they find it distasteful that others assume they got where they are due to governmental aid. Because they really ARE good. It is sad that a plan first formulated to aid has been abused to such an extent that it is now a huge joke. But the fact that such policy still remains goes to show how the administration lacks *****.

What have they been doing instead? Ahhh yesss..... intimidate bloggers and threaten to do all sorts of unmentionables to those who appear to 'slander' the G-word through blogs. I wonder what their definition of the word 'slander' is? It's a perfectly innocent question, of course! One must know these things. It's like Bill asking what the definition for SEX and ORAL SEX is, y'know?

The state of the Malaysian economy is in a sad, sad rut. While countries like China have tripled or even quadrupled their GDP in the past 10 year since the Asian economic crisis, what have we to show, really? We are getting older, and yet we have achieved very little. Apart from, of course, political entertainment via mudslinging and what-nots. Soap opera, bay-beh, I'm tellin' ya. Stop watching the O. C. and One Three Hill and The Bold and The Beautiful. Stop those re-runs of Dynasty, Dallas and Santa Barbara. THIS is the real thing. Politics, power, ethno-religious tensions, imbecilic incendiary statements, sex and beautiful Pan-Asian models all in one mix. Oh... and disgruntled old men, too. YEAH...

The world is getting more and more competitive. We should be learning to prepare ourselves for such global competitiveness and our administration should be learning how to spearhead this goal whilst balancing socio-economic justice, instead of wasting time on selfish childs' play. Really, it's about time all of us grew up. Doesn't anyone know about John Nash's economic theory? Well then, watch A Beautiful Mind. In a nutshell? One should consider not just the benefits for oneself, but also the benefits for the group as a whole in order to achieve optimum success. Also please, if one is relatively new, and leading a group of people, learn the McDonald's theory. What's it, you ask? Go for the tried-and-tested. Go for the familiar. Don't go into unchartered and unknown territory unprepared (e.g. biotech). Notice how McDs only come to a town/ city that is 'advanced' and 'prepared' enough for fast food, and has enough people living in the area so they won't make a loss? For fuckssakes' it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out. Oh wait... they are politicians.... not economists!! My bad....

BLAH... too much to comment about. This is already a very long post, as it is. I AM, after all, supposed to be a brainless lotus flower swaying in the winds and waters and not know anything about politics, or anything, actually, except how to please a future husband, and look after children and a household. I should just be flaunting as discreetly and demurely as possible my titties and arse without seeming too forward, too bright, too obvious or too direct so as to optimise my chances of snaring as 'wunnerful!' and as high up the social ladder as possible a future husband. I am female. I should pander to the silly male ego. Yeah, watch me gag and squirm in my societal 'handcuffs'. Forgive me for having a brain.

You think I'm gonna be going to jail for saying these and having a brain? If so, let's have a going-away party for me, eh?

Why am I writing all these and letting unknowns pick my brain? I should be studying instead...

more shit... Part. 3

more shit... Part. 3

Hits the current socio-economical and political situation in Malaysia right on the head, doesn't it? And yet, in some strange way, he was the man to have brought the current rut about. As Education Minister in the late 70s (if I am not mistaken) and then PM, he insisted on the KBSR/ KBSM scheme that, in my humble opinion brought about the decline of the Malaysian education system. My parents are both teachers. I hear them lament about the sorry state of students batch after batch after batch for the past 20+ years. Though it seems as though results are improving year after year, it is actually to cover up the continuing rot. He too, was the man who turned the national school system into a system so divisive that I think at LEAST 80/85% (and in some schools, 100%) of national schools consists of only one race, and forcing other races to opt out. And he was also the one who presided over the period where he changed 'Bantuan' schools (whose intake was previously controlled) into 'Kebangsaan' schools and force-fed the influx of a particular race that encouraged the further decline of those schools, specifically, and the education system, generally.

When it comes to the Judicial System, he too, made several publicly and widely criticised moves in the late 80s to further consolidate his power and turn the judiciary system into something more pro-government. This, I find very sad because the judiciary is supposed to be a form of checks and balances against the legislature and the executive to ensure that we get to be as proper a democracy as politically possible. Of course, different nations would require different forms of democracy, but the judiciary is the one branch that should be as autonomous and independent as possible. To cuckold the judiciary in an attempt to dismantle its power and role can be equated to removing the first and most important piling of one of his favourite showpiece construction projects.

Wasn't he also the one who was extremely heavy-handed when it came to press freedom?Wasn't he the man who resorted to Operasi Lalang in October 1987 that shut down 4 newspapers and detained so many men and women (if I remember right, probably approx. 100?)?

People in glass houses should not throw stones. I'm no fan of the present administration either. I think the Lord High Mighty at present should not give so much power to a man who obviously is trying to push him aside and who makes snide, arrogant, unchecked comments against other races who also help build up this country and call it home. But wasn't Dr M also guilty of cronyism and patronage? Why push for Proton and heavy industries such as steel and ridiculous showpiece mega construction projects when it costs taxpayers so much, and we were obviously not prepared for it? And we would have been better off in industries that relied more on natural resources and its' development instead? He destroyed a great deal of natural resources in the Bakun Dam Project(very sore point with me... all that natural reserve and resources!!), by giving concession to Ting Pek Khiing, and what is there to show for it? As for Proton: Why is it that Proton cars have not improved since the first Saga was introduced nearly 20 years ago? The front windows still have problems. There's more, but I am wasting blog space complaining about something that is totally useless, because no one seem to be willing to do anything about those goddamn cars.

As for more complaints on cronyism and patronage, I wonder if he is aware that Malaysia is an example cited in international financial/ corporate law papers as an example of lack of/ poor corporate and public governance, especially in the late 90s era due to buyouts (aka bailouts) and takeovers, most notably of the UEM/ Renong fiasco. Reasons cited (NOT in local papers, of course, it's just the rumour mill) for the blackout left in the wake of the fiasco for UEM shareholders? Halim Saad's ties with the former PM. Wasn't the good man supposed to re-purchase Renong's shares to appease the frothing public? Why was there silence instead?

What about the e-Valley? Why push the country into the electronics industry when obviously we weren't ready for it either, and China and India are obviously very competitive and has way greater expertise? Now our country is over-saturated with IT graduates, and there is not enough job opportunities for them.

Nope, our former PM definitely ain't so angel. He was seriously responsible for the rot that his successor has too little willpower, or too little intention, or too little ***** to rectify. In fact, thanks to KJ, it seems the rot is spreading. I suppose there is little for me to do but to sit back and watch our own political WWF with it's mudslinging, soap opera-ish screeching, screaming, back-and-forth insulting, 'crotch-grabbing' and what-nots. Should be entertaining, to say the least, eh?

BOWING UNDER PRESSURE :P more shit... Part. 2

BOWING UNDER PRESSURE :P (ok, fine, so it was LLLLOOOOONNNNGGGGG)

more shit.... Part. 2

I shall put up his essay for my readers' perusal, which would probably bore them to death. Yeah, I never claimed to be not boring. I like dry books on politics, sociology, psychology, and ethno-religious tensions. Yep, and religion.

May I remind those who read this that I was never a big fan of our former PM. In all honesty, I could never admire a man who sanctioned and strengthened the utilisation of such hideous sneaky forms of torture as the ISA or the OSA or such frightening show of brute force as the 1987's Operasi Lalang. What I do admire is his audacity and ruthlessness in consolidating his power. I bet he took a page out of Sun Tzu and Machiavelli there, but my admiration is equal to those of the 9/11 suicide bombers of the World Trade Center. It takes a certain amount of coldness to let something like that happen. It must be driven by a want so all-consuming that one can shove aside one's moral code and ethics. But this is getting dangerous, and I digress.

Here is the essay:

*************

The New Malay Dilemma

By former Prime Minister Dr. Mahathir Mohamad

Aug 22, 2006

The Malays are among the few people whose race is legally defined. Thus, the Malaysian constitution states that a Malay is one who habitually speaks Malay, professes the religion of Islam and practises Malay customs. There is nothing said about the definitive culture of the Malays. It follows that changes in culture do not make a Malay person a non-Malay. Culture is made up largely of the value systems accepted, even if not actually practiced by a people or a race. Observations have shown that the culture of a people determines whether they are successful or they fail... Europeans, Asians, Africans and American Indians can all be successful and can all fail. It is, therefore, not the race or ethnicity which determines success. It is the culture.

When I wrote The Malay Dilemma in the late 60s, I had assumed that all the Malays lacked the opportunities to develop and become successful. They lacked opportunities for educating themselves, opportunities to earn enough to go into business, opportunities to train in the required vocation, opportunities to obtain the necessary funding, licences and premises. If these opportunities could be made available to them, then they would succeed... But today, the attitude has changed. Getting scholarships and places in the universities at home and abroad is considered a matter of right and is not valued any more. Indeed, those who get these educational opportunities for some unknown reason seem to dislike the very people who created these opportunities. Worse still, they don't seem to appreciate the opportunities that they get. They become more interested in other things, politics in particular, to the detriment of their studies. In business, the vast majority regarded the opportunities given them as something to be exploited for the quickest return... They learn nothing about business and become even less capable at doing business and earning an income from their activities. They become mere sleeping partners and at times not even that. Having sold, they no longer have anything to do with the business. They would go to the government for more licences, permits, shares, etc... Why has this thing happened? The answer lies in the culture of the Malays. They are laid-back and prone to take the easy way out. And the easy way out is to sell off whatever they get and ask for more. This is their culture. Working hard, taking risks and being patient is not a part of their culture. It should be remembered that in the past the Malays were not prepared to take up the jobs created by the colonial powers in their effort to exploit the country. Because the Malays were not prepared to work in rubber estates and the mines, the Indians and Chinese were brought in. At one time, the migrants outnumbered the Malays. Had they continued to outnumber the Malays, independent Malaya would be like independent Singapore.

But the Malays have apparently learnt nothing from the near loss of their country in the past. Today, they are still unwilling to work and foreign workers are again flooding the country. And because they are not equipping themselves with the necessary education and skills, they have continued to depend on others. Their political dominance will protect them for a time. But that dominance is fading very fast as they quarrel among themselves and break up into small ineffective groups. Their numerical superiority means less today than at the time of independence... The Malays, together with the other Bumiputeras, make up 60 per cent of the country's population. But in terms of their political clout, it is now much less than 60 per cent. They are now more dependent on non-Malay support, both the government party and the opposition. Economically, of course, they have less than half the 30-per-cent share that has been allocated to them. If we discount the non-Malay contribution to the nation's economy, Malaysia would be not much better than some of the African developing countries.

To succeed, the Malays must change their culture. They must look towards work as a reward in itself. They must regard what they achieve through work as the true reward. There should be some financial reward but this must not outweigh the satisfaction obtained from the result of their work. Changing culture is far more difficult than changing the policies of government. It is easy enough to propose affirmative action but it is not easy to implement it. The recipients must have the right attitude if the results are going to be obtained... Unfortunately, their view is that their crutches are symbols of their superior status in the country. The sad thing is that they are not even using the crutches properly. As a result, they gain nothing or very little from the availability of these aids. So what is the new Malay dilemma? Their old dilemma was whether they should distort the picture a little in order to help themselves. The new dilemma is whether they should or should not do away with the crutches that they have got used to, which in fact they have become proud of. There is a minority of Malays who are confident enough to think of doing away with the crutches, albeit gradually. But they are a very small minority. Their numbers are not going to increase any time soon. They are generally regarded as traitors to the Malay race...

There will be a host of protests over this generalisation about Malay attitudes. We read almost every day about blind Malay people and other handicapped Malays graduating with university degrees or driving cars or doing all kinds of work. This does not prove that the generalisation that I make is wrong. These are exceptions. They only prove that if the right attitude or culture is adopted, even the handicapped can succeed. The dilemma faced by those few who want to build a strong, resilient and independent Malay race without crutches is that they are most likely to end up becoming unpopular and losing the ability to influence the changes in the culture and the value system which are necessary.It seems that they should not try and yet they know that without the cultural changes, the Malays are going to fail.

*************

more shit...

more shit...

Those who know me well knows my ironic fascination and distaste with politics. I hold politicians in disdain, I think it to be a necessary evil, in a way. I remember what someone told me in childhood with regards to a profession: "Choose a professional job, dear. But there are a few jobs I would advise you to not go into. Do not be a politician. Do not be a lawyer. Do not be an accountant. If you lack morals and ethics, these jobs could leave you empty at the end of your life." :P

Yeap. I do not hold politics in great regard. Though there was a time I contemplated law. Especially when I was offered full scholaship after SPM to read law in England. Too bad I had to give that up because the Asian Economic Crisis hit us, and hit us bad then. And my parents were already putting one sibling through private college. To put another through British pounds would have probably killed our finances and left us in debt.

I have no regrets about choosing to go through Form 6. I might have, once when I allowed myself to wallow for awhile in self-pity, to deny that I had gone through that bout would be to lie, but I think having gone through that has taught some form of maturity, at least. And it has taught me to not take my good fortune for granted. I believe our destiny, to a certain extent, is what we make of it. Opportunity might knock only once, but we make our choices, and we must learn to live with it, and make the best of it.

I can't go back to when I was a young, innocent, naive, wide-eyed girl with the dream to change the world. What's the point in lying around and wishing things were different, and my family were richer, and lamenting that I should have taken the scholarship, for I would have been a high-flying corporate/ criminal/ etc. lawyer by now? Representing clients worth millions of dollars and making millions as a result? Charging clients thousands of ringgit in billable hours? Walking around in Ally McBeal-ish power suits and slinky Aldo pumps? Wishful thinking. Not gonna happen. And things happen for a reason. Who's to say I'd still be slaving my lard ass off working for some kucimiao firm and getting frustrated by the day? We never really know, do we?

What was that long rant and reminiscence for? Because I was wondering how different it would have been for me if I were a member of the nation's favoured group of people. Because I was reading our 'fave' former PM's essay entitled "The New Malay Dilemma" and snorting in laughter at how astute it was, and yet how pointless. And noticing how true the opening line was, that: "The Malays are among the few people whose race is legally defined. Thus, the Malaysian constitution states that a Malay is one who habitually speaks Malay, professes the religion of Islam and practises Malay customs. There is nothing said about the definitive culture of the Malays. It follows that changes in culture do not make a Malay person a non-Malay." How ostensibly ironic.

Right... this reminded me of a conversation I was having with a girlfriend of mine and her boyfriend. We were on our way to Puchong and we saw a building with a strange hybrid type of moose-reindeer deco on the top of the building and she commented that it wasn't Christmas yet. To which her boyfriend replied that 'Oh, maybe the *****s are trying to hijack Christian culture as they have hijacked Chinese culture." What ensued after that was a discussion of how the *****s have copied the Chinese when it comes to Mandarin oranges, they have it now too!! And cultures like giving angpaos, now they have green money packets too!! Etc. etc. How strange that they seem to find validation in the copying and absorption/ assimilation of other cultures to define their own. But that is less important than what the former PM has to say.

I think this is funny :P

http://ebaumsworld.com/2006/07/handsex.html

and no, it ain't really porn :D

De-motivated...

De-motivated...

Had a day of diarrhoea, and am feeling terribly de-motivated at the moment... Been a long, long day... Times like this I wish I were home and in the comfort of my bed, surrounded by my favourite things, familiar sights and smells. And I wish my family were near. Just the comfort of having them around would be nice. But we can't always have what we wish for, can we? Sighs...

THIS sums up how I am feeling at the moment quite nicely...