Friday, 29 December 2006. 0052 hours.

Nothing I say or do would ever please him. Nothing I say or do is ever sufficient enough. I could never please him. I could never get it right.

I could never be who he wants me to be. I could never be his perfect ideal. How could I, with all my flaws? How could I, when I'm not sure what he wants?

What can I do to ever make him happy? What can I do to do him proud?

I can't have a relationship with a man. I don't know how. I can never be the perfect daughter, the perfect sister, the perfect girlfriend. How could I ever be the perfect wife and mother?

Why is it that the men in my life always end up breaking my heart? Am I really not good enough? Am I really that useless? Am I really that ugly, internally and externally? Am I really so full of flaws there is nothing good left in me?

I don't try hard enough. I don't make the effort. Everything I do. Everything I say. It's never enough. Never.

I don't look to the future. I don't learn from my past. I don't live in my present. I don't listen. I don't understand. I don't think. I don't learn. I don't get my priorities right.

I never do anything right. I never think of him. I never consider his hard work. I never consider his feelings. I am never fair enough to him, always only thinking of myself. Never. Never enough.

Always too little. Always too late. He is always right. I am always wrong.

It is always my fault. Always. Mea culpa. Mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa.

I. Never. Get. Anything. Right. N-E-V-E-R.