Shattered Glass
Shattered Glass
Tuesday, 03.04.2007. 2343 hours.
Someone asked me tonight why I upped and left in such a hurry.
Why I didn't bother to stay for the duration, or just a little longer. Give it a shot.
See, Security is a big thing for me. I won't invest myself, no matter how much I feel for something/ someone, if I don't sense the underlying sincerity. The basis of security.
I just didn't feel it.
There's no reason for me to stay. It would be foolishness. It would be painful.
A person might argue that it shouldn't be such an issue. Just bulldoze through it. Don't take it so seriously. Give it a shot. Don't let it affect you so much.
To such a person, I'd say FUCK YOU.
How can I not be affected? How can YOU not be?
One of the first people you'd see when you wake up in the morning is s/he. One of the people you spend the most time with in a week. So much hours in a day is spent with this one person.
How can you not be affected? If the relationship isn't mutually understanding, how can you not feel stressed?
You MUST have ice in your veins.
I can't do it.
I'm a woman.
I have flesh and bones. And blood in my veins (amongst other things). There is fire in me. And ice. I have ambitions, I have passion. I have hopes. I have dreams. They might be buried, but they're still there.
And my relationships with people are one of those things in which I define myself. Who I am, is, among other things, who I choose to surround myself with.
Unless I go through life like a zombie, floating constantly in limbo, I can't do it.
I LIVE. I LOVE. I LUST. I AM WOMAN. AND I REFUSE TO BE ASHAMED.
Unless I was forced to, whereby said person might have my body, but not my spirit, and definitely not my soul. Or my head and my heart. I won't allow that much desecration. Those places are holy. Some are not even mine to give.
But I had a choice.
The only logical thing was to leave. As quickly as humanly possible.
Because living like a zombie, in constant limbo...
Some day you'd wake up and ask yourself:
WHAT is THIS? WHO AM I?
Life. It's so Fragile. So Precious.
As though to prove the point, a phone call jarred the night when the person who asked me was sending me back home. Said person's grandmother had fallen and is in a coma. The shock waves rippling through the car was palpable. It was so sudden. So unexpected. So unnerving.
Life. It's so Fragile. So Precious.
Why waste it on someone or something SO NOT WORTH IT? Someone or Something that just wouldn't change?
What if it was I that fell and died tomorrow.
Death knows no boundaries. No demographics.
Death would come to the rich, or the poor. The old, or the young.
Death is fair. Death brings humility to all of us. Death shows us that all we strive for might be for naught. Death shows us we're mortal, after all. And ultimately, equal.
In my dying moments, with my life flashing before me, I'd regret it if I hadn't lived my life the way I had wanted to. I'd regret it if I had wasted it. On someone or something totally not worth my time. Or effort. Or affections (emotions).
Life is so fragile and so precious. Time is so short.
Memories are made with every passing second. With every breath I take.
I want to form memories worth living.
I want to form memories worth remembering when I breathe out my very last breath.
Tuesday, 03.04.2007. 2343 hours.
Someone asked me tonight why I upped and left in such a hurry.
Why I didn't bother to stay for the duration, or just a little longer. Give it a shot.
See, Security is a big thing for me. I won't invest myself, no matter how much I feel for something/ someone, if I don't sense the underlying sincerity. The basis of security.
I just didn't feel it.
There's no reason for me to stay. It would be foolishness. It would be painful.
A person might argue that it shouldn't be such an issue. Just bulldoze through it. Don't take it so seriously. Give it a shot. Don't let it affect you so much.
To such a person, I'd say FUCK YOU.
How can I not be affected? How can YOU not be?
One of the first people you'd see when you wake up in the morning is s/he. One of the people you spend the most time with in a week. So much hours in a day is spent with this one person.
How can you not be affected? If the relationship isn't mutually understanding, how can you not feel stressed?
You MUST have ice in your veins.
I can't do it.
I'm a woman.
I have flesh and bones. And blood in my veins (amongst other things). There is fire in me. And ice. I have ambitions, I have passion. I have hopes. I have dreams. They might be buried, but they're still there.
And my relationships with people are one of those things in which I define myself. Who I am, is, among other things, who I choose to surround myself with.
Unless I go through life like a zombie, floating constantly in limbo, I can't do it.
I LIVE. I LOVE. I LUST. I AM WOMAN. AND I REFUSE TO BE ASHAMED.
Unless I was forced to, whereby said person might have my body, but not my spirit, and definitely not my soul. Or my head and my heart. I won't allow that much desecration. Those places are holy. Some are not even mine to give.
But I had a choice.
The only logical thing was to leave. As quickly as humanly possible.
Because living like a zombie, in constant limbo...
Some day you'd wake up and ask yourself:
WHAT is THIS? WHO AM I?
Life. It's so Fragile. So Precious.
As though to prove the point, a phone call jarred the night when the person who asked me was sending me back home. Said person's grandmother had fallen and is in a coma. The shock waves rippling through the car was palpable. It was so sudden. So unexpected. So unnerving.
Life. It's so Fragile. So Precious.
Why waste it on someone or something SO NOT WORTH IT? Someone or Something that just wouldn't change?
What if it was I that fell and died tomorrow.
Death knows no boundaries. No demographics.
Death would come to the rich, or the poor. The old, or the young.
Death is fair. Death brings humility to all of us. Death shows us that all we strive for might be for naught. Death shows us we're mortal, after all. And ultimately, equal.
In my dying moments, with my life flashing before me, I'd regret it if I hadn't lived my life the way I had wanted to. I'd regret it if I had wasted it. On someone or something totally not worth my time. Or effort. Or affections (emotions).
Life is so fragile and so precious. Time is so short.
Memories are made with every passing second. With every breath I take.
I want to form memories worth living.
I want to form memories worth remembering when I breathe out my very last breath.
No comments:
Post a Comment