apologies
this was a topic that was brought up when talking to a friend quite a while back.
and which was brought up again when talking to a friend via messenger today.
friend A mentioned about a woman who was raped in college, and then, after many years, after she's moved on, and so has he, her rapist was struck by a sudden bout of guilt and decided to get in touch with her and apologise.
when she first read the letter, she was terribly upset, and she thought she'd forgive him, and write back. but after a few letters, she figured: wtf? he caused me so much pain, i don't want him to get away with it. and she handed the letters to the authorities so that she could take proper legal action.
when that happened, he denied everything.
which brings me to this:
1) when you apologise for something, are you sincerely sorry, or are you just saying that to assuage your own guilt?
-> if you're really sorry, then be prepared for the other person's reaction to swing either way. you should be prepared to hear the other party's inability to forgive you. like the Dixie Chicks sing: I'm not ready to make nice.
-> what are you expecting, when you say: i'm sorry? to hear the other party say: it's ok? because it's not ok. are you assuaging your own guilt, or are you assuaging the other party's feelings?
-> saying sorry, just to assuage your own guilt, is being doubly selfish.
2) have you ever thought that the person has moved on, and doesn't want to remember what you've done to her? and when you do, after all that, you're just making her feel worse? you're opening an old wound and stuffing and rubbing a kg of salt into it. you were no longer on her radar. leave her alone. let her be. she's happy without you in her life. leave it that way. you wronged her. your guilt is justified. live with your own cross. or talk to a psychiatrist. find another way of closure that wouldn't affect her.
3) if you are willing to ask for an apology, be prepared for the consequences. be prepared to be punished for old sins. what, you only want the forgiveness without the retribution? if that's the case, how sincere was your apology in the first place?
i told someone months back:
when u've learnt to take responsiblity for your own actions and grow up and be a man, then maybe we can have a shot at being friends again. wanting to be friends under these circumstances is too much to ask for. till then, u made ur own bed, go sleep in it.
i'm afraid i'd have to say this to someone else again soon.
you see, maturity and wisdom does not come with either age or experience. it's learning from the painful lessons in life. it's taking responsibility.
and which was brought up again when talking to a friend via messenger today.
friend A mentioned about a woman who was raped in college, and then, after many years, after she's moved on, and so has he, her rapist was struck by a sudden bout of guilt and decided to get in touch with her and apologise.
when she first read the letter, she was terribly upset, and she thought she'd forgive him, and write back. but after a few letters, she figured: wtf? he caused me so much pain, i don't want him to get away with it. and she handed the letters to the authorities so that she could take proper legal action.
when that happened, he denied everything.
which brings me to this:
1) when you apologise for something, are you sincerely sorry, or are you just saying that to assuage your own guilt?
-> if you're really sorry, then be prepared for the other person's reaction to swing either way. you should be prepared to hear the other party's inability to forgive you. like the Dixie Chicks sing: I'm not ready to make nice.
-> what are you expecting, when you say: i'm sorry? to hear the other party say: it's ok? because it's not ok. are you assuaging your own guilt, or are you assuaging the other party's feelings?
-> saying sorry, just to assuage your own guilt, is being doubly selfish.
2) have you ever thought that the person has moved on, and doesn't want to remember what you've done to her? and when you do, after all that, you're just making her feel worse? you're opening an old wound and stuffing and rubbing a kg of salt into it. you were no longer on her radar. leave her alone. let her be. she's happy without you in her life. leave it that way. you wronged her. your guilt is justified. live with your own cross. or talk to a psychiatrist. find another way of closure that wouldn't affect her.
3) if you are willing to ask for an apology, be prepared for the consequences. be prepared to be punished for old sins. what, you only want the forgiveness without the retribution? if that's the case, how sincere was your apology in the first place?
i told someone months back:
when u've learnt to take responsiblity for your own actions and grow up and be a man, then maybe we can have a shot at being friends again. wanting to be friends under these circumstances is too much to ask for. till then, u made ur own bed, go sleep in it.
i'm afraid i'd have to say this to someone else again soon.
you see, maturity and wisdom does not come with either age or experience. it's learning from the painful lessons in life. it's taking responsibility.
2 comments:
we are so going to remain single for the rest of our lives.......hehehe
kanineh :P why settle for one fish when there are so many to trawl at the bottom of the ocean? :D
'sides, who says i need a man to have a baby? i'll just get preggers with his offspring, then tell him to fuck off.
i'm sure nurture can offset some of the nature. so long as idiotic male isn't around AT ALL for influence.
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