the post on verk-full time shit cleaner, part time ******-er.

forewarned is forearmed.

I AM GOING TO BITCH.

there's been wayyyy too much things to bitch about of late, but i just hadn't had the time to.

so tonight, i will just bitch about work.

close friends would know i've got a new job. same line. bigger company. and yeah, i can see myself working here for awhile despite the heavy workload, and considering it's a bigger company, the chances for shitty office politics would be exponential to the size of the company. that's the formula that every fresh grad should've been armed with after leaving university.

but when i went for the interview, i took the offer because:

1. i could feel the winds of change starting to sweep the company. with some tenacity, i would be able to ride that wave. it was the same feeling i had in january 2008 even before the old company ran one of their infamous surveys.

2. this year would be MY year. FUCK EVERYTHING ELSE. if i KNOW i can, i WILL. i can't keep rolling around in life being unsure of who i am and what i want.

3. i happen to LIKE this work. it stresses me out, but it also makes me feel vital and alive.

4. i've had really sucky bosses. remember the one who was sexually frustrated and deprived? yep. too bad he paid my wages. i'd have ground him to smithereens otherwise. the things i said to people i used to date... i swear you don't wanna know. i've also had crazy insecure supervisors. it totally kills whatever motivation and/or passion and/or creativity you have. but at the interview, i sensed that this director may throw me over the deep end and just watch while i sink or swim, and would never take the initiative to guide me, but she would if i asked for help. and she would never hamper my desire for growth. and that's how i work best. and this is one of the main reasons i took this job.

5. for some strange reason.... good things come to me when i least expect it. or look for it. so from what i've gone through... i've learnt to trust the cosmic powers that push things into my lap, and never shoot the goose (that bore the egg) or look a gift horse in the mouth.


so what is it i wanna bitch about? yeah, office politics. surprise surprise.... thank god this is a colleague, and not a boss. if it were a superior, i'd pack my bags and leave. no point staying at a dead-end job.

this is WAR.

what did she do to piss me off majorly?

1. manage a project terribly, and steal me when i'm not brought in for her job.

2. throw a shitty project in my lap halfway through without a proper briefing and expect me to clean up shit.

3. never really answers questions on HER job when i ask her for explanations (remember i was barely briefed, and do not have all the materials) but sends me a really lovely email instead.

4. doesn't provide full information on what needs to be done, and expects me to take the fire on her behalf from the boss and the client on HER incompetency.

5. bitches about me behind my back when the boss tells her off about how badly she handled the project

6. bitches to everyone behind my back when i was complimented for cleaning up her shit well and was rewarded for it.

7. ignores me completely unless it's to do with work ever since.

seriously, i'm obsessive-compulsive, takes pride in what i do because i hardly have a life, and i consider my work an extension of myself, and yes, in some things, i'm a downright perfectionist. so what was she expecting... for me to screw up big time? just cos i'm new and entered a junior in comparison, doesn't mean i've never worked before and would allow myself to be pushed around.

oh yes, i keep quiet and don't say anything. but that's only because i'm no fool. never reveal all your cards until you've found out enough to know which card to pull for whom. fuck you if you think i'm sneaky. i've learnt this lesson the VERY hard way. life has thrown me too many curveballs for me to not take life's lessons seriously.

i may be a hard-head, but i ain't no fool.

i'm no apple-polisher, either, and right now, i just zone out when she starts being nasty... but i have a temper, a nasty one at that, and when i lose it, you won't want to be even a spectator. besides, the director didn't get to be a director by being an idiot. she knows who works and who doesn't.

so i'll just bide my time and wait for karma to come around on my behalf.

**

on another note, i really miss my old friends. we had a mini chat room the other day over messenger. and damn, how far we've come. how far more we have to go. and how the same roots still bind us.

i miss you girls. singapore, sarawak, japan, london, america. there is no glass ceiling. the only limitations we would ever have are the ones we impose on ourselves. we can go anywhere and do anything and reach any height if we wanted it badly enough. we are great like that :) we're fine wine. the real deal. we were gutsy girls and now we're gutsy women.

cheers! 10 years out of school. we did pretty well for ourselves :)

Aging and Strange Things

I was about to write: I'm turning 27 on Monday, but I ended up typing 25 instead :P
So what does that tell u, eh? :P

Well, anyway, I digress. I mean to say, I'm turning 27 on Monday. And last night, as I was talking to a friend I've not chatted with in a LONG LONG LONG time due to both of our schedules, I noticed how the topic has changed. Instead of: 'So how is everyone? Any gossip on who's hooking up with who?' it was 'So who is getting engaged/married?'

Eeekkkkssss.... don't get me wrong, I wish the happy couples all the best and all. But but but... the very topic kinda gives me the hives.... I'm allergic. Kinda. See, it's not like I don't wanna get married, it's just that... the idea just seems kinda far away.

And it just seemed to underscore the fact that... and yes, it IS a FACT as I was telling his friend: MY OVARIES ARE FERMENTING :(

Like I said: Well, unlike the sperm, which is constantly reproduced and replenished, my eggs have been there since embryonic stage, and I KNOW it's AGING... I'm wasting good quality eggs and all.... but but... I'm just a little reluctant at the moment to give in to the maternal urges.

I know it's a little selfish, but, there's yet so much to see, and babies.... changes everything. So does getting hitched.

Yes, I'm more than just a little commitaphobic. Yes, it's a strange confession coming from someone who owns a cunt. Yes, in a way... I AM a cunt. Sighs. See, I just feel that I need to get my life a little more in order.

I need a job I can see myself doing.
or
I need to have a disposable income.
or
I need a disposable nest egg.

THEN I'll be ready to procreate.
and spawn little me-s.... :P

When the time comes, be afraid. Be very afraid.

Why? The following post will illustrate this to the max :P:P:P

**

Here I am... and there's a temple performance outside. Well, it's been there for the past 2 days, ever since I got my bitchy ass over here.

What's my problem with it?

I mean, ok, you wanna have a revelry session, but OMFG it's SO FUCKING LOUD. And SO FUCKING LOUSY. Simon Cowell would die and flip and cringe in his grave!

There's a singing dancing session outside weiiii...... Here are my points:
1. It's fucking LOUD. Okay la, if it's good. It ISN'T.
2. Okay la, if it ISN'T good, if the chicks performing were decent. They AREN'T.
3. Okay la, if they AREN'T, if they're HOT. They're NOT. NOT. NOT. NOT.

It's a temple thing, for fucks' sakes..... The way they're dressed.... It's illegal weiii.... I'd be forgiven if I thought they were TEMPLE WHORES.

HELLO??? I remember commenting about how I walk in coffee shops in shorts and baby tees and get stared at by lascivious old men who'd tell their very daughters that getting dressed like that is asking for rape, with my girlfriends before. BIGOTS. But they have NO QUALMS at staring at nubile young things and grinning lasciviously.

Well, these laohiaos are staring and dancing at the nubile young things dressing themselves up like harem girls dancing for a balding pot-bellied old king, dancing lasciviously in sequined bra and panty set thingies baring their mid-riffs from bust-line to hip-line with matching fashion disaster boots and flimsy transparent scarves or feathers draped around their hips at a TEMPLE event.

Tell me that is just so-not-wrong.

If it were a strip club, I'm cool with it. Hell, if it were a CLUB, I'm cool with it. But this! TEMPLE event! In public! With little kids looking on and thinking it's cool, or it's okay to get whistled at/to whistle at underaged girls dressed like whores. Aiyaiyai.... Wrong la. Just wrong.

It's just that... it's just plain bigotry. Fullstop. Double standards. And please, what are we trying to tell people here?

early morning breaking news

i reached work today, and the first thing i saw while waiting for the lift:

the news:
"Make more babies, Chinese told."

The Chinese are told to have more children to increase the dwindling population.

My reaction: O.O
Then: -.-
Then: >:(

Of course, I probably didn't remember that verbatim, but I definitely got the essence of it.

Now I'm not sure which moron politician (yep, don't have much respect for politicians, especially local ones. there's in fact a book on the 'fantastic things' local politicians say, costs about RM20 from Kino, btw) said that, but I wanna shoot out the person's nads.

to explain my reactions:

O.O: WHICH IDIOT WOULD SAY THAT?
-.-: WHY would anyone say that? our population is increasing every year. (overall pop. that is, some ppl beranak twice a year and have like 9-15 kids in one family. wat.... i'm not kidding, i've seen it. just recently, too.)
>:(: and WHO is gonna pay for the cost of bringing up scads of babies?!

i'm in my mid-twenties. i have a relatively stable job. it pays, well, enough. but i have NO intention of having babies at least in the next 3-5 years. 'cos i don't think i can AFFORD to bring up one in the manner or fashion or lifestyle (whichever ur poison) i'd like he/she to be accustomed too. and i'm still striving for MY own personal satisfaction. i still want my freedom. my independence. having babies is A LOTTA HARD WORK. and personal sacrifice. yep. i love babies. it's a mutual fascination, babies and i. i'd love to have one when i'm ready. operative word here: READY. but i've got both my feet planted on terra firma. babies are expensive. babies require constant supervision. babies take up a lot of time and effort.

having babies is difficult. and a full-time job. so why don't that smart-aleck go have 10 babies of his/her own, then. memandai-mandai. let's see if said genius would still be singing the same tune after baby no. 10. (yep, by then, he/she woulda forgotten the names. like chinese families of old. tua hia, ji hia, sa hia, and so on and so forth. malay families, too, no? along, angah, adik. i don't speak tamilian, so i wouldn't know about indian families. but i'm sure they have their equivalent.)

and it doesn't help that being, well, chinese, i'm considered unimportant, and overlooked by the local governance. if my grades in school were given the opportunity it should've been given, well, i wouldn't be here now. but let's not talk about me. my point is that, if i'm gonna be having babies, i want them to have a better life than i do. not that my life is bad, mind, but it could be better. i would want them to have choices i never had. i understand my parents POV in pushing me to extremes academically. they think academia could get me farther than anything else could. i'm not sure they're right, but i understand it, at least. it's that same desire that i have for future children. a better state of living.

there's a reason chinese people have relatively small families. one, two, three kids. cap it. it's a matter of quality, not quantity. household income of appox. RM70K-RM80K per annum, both parents working, children to put through school with a quality education, inclusive of at least a bachelor's degree in mind. all with the parent's own savings. just in case. don't depend on someone else. how to afford having 5 children? have you seen how expensive baby formula can be? or babies' clothing? one of those little things can buy me 3 tops at least.

yeah, i know what you're gonna say... OMG U THINK THAT FAR? yes, i do. gotta plan for the future, innit?

ok, fine. cos since i hit 18, i don't have much faith in men, and i considered being a single mother. as in, go for sperm donation, either in stick or bottle form. :P

cos i wanna be mommy, not necessarily wifey. meaning, i can envision myself a mother, but trouble envisioning myself a wife.

so i was planning on being a mother (man optional) and i wondered how long it would take to build up my fortune before i can afford to bring up a child comfortably on my own. that's how i thought that far. :P

i really wish people in positions of power would stop making comments without thinking. what they say will be put in print. and seen the world over. saying things like: 'Apa bising pasal bocor-bocor ni? MP Batu Gajah pun bocor tiap-tiap bulan' is downright CRASS la. seriously.