Aging and Strange Things

I was about to write: I'm turning 27 on Monday, but I ended up typing 25 instead :P
So what does that tell u, eh? :P

Well, anyway, I digress. I mean to say, I'm turning 27 on Monday. And last night, as I was talking to a friend I've not chatted with in a LONG LONG LONG time due to both of our schedules, I noticed how the topic has changed. Instead of: 'So how is everyone? Any gossip on who's hooking up with who?' it was 'So who is getting engaged/married?'

Eeekkkkssss.... don't get me wrong, I wish the happy couples all the best and all. But but but... the very topic kinda gives me the hives.... I'm allergic. Kinda. See, it's not like I don't wanna get married, it's just that... the idea just seems kinda far away.

And it just seemed to underscore the fact that... and yes, it IS a FACT as I was telling his friend: MY OVARIES ARE FERMENTING :(

Like I said: Well, unlike the sperm, which is constantly reproduced and replenished, my eggs have been there since embryonic stage, and I KNOW it's AGING... I'm wasting good quality eggs and all.... but but... I'm just a little reluctant at the moment to give in to the maternal urges.

I know it's a little selfish, but, there's yet so much to see, and babies.... changes everything. So does getting hitched.

Yes, I'm more than just a little commitaphobic. Yes, it's a strange confession coming from someone who owns a cunt. Yes, in a way... I AM a cunt. Sighs. See, I just feel that I need to get my life a little more in order.

I need a job I can see myself doing.
or
I need to have a disposable income.
or
I need a disposable nest egg.

THEN I'll be ready to procreate.
and spawn little me-s.... :P

When the time comes, be afraid. Be very afraid.

Why? The following post will illustrate this to the max :P:P:P

**

Here I am... and there's a temple performance outside. Well, it's been there for the past 2 days, ever since I got my bitchy ass over here.

What's my problem with it?

I mean, ok, you wanna have a revelry session, but OMFG it's SO FUCKING LOUD. And SO FUCKING LOUSY. Simon Cowell would die and flip and cringe in his grave!

There's a singing dancing session outside weiiii...... Here are my points:
1. It's fucking LOUD. Okay la, if it's good. It ISN'T.
2. Okay la, if it ISN'T good, if the chicks performing were decent. They AREN'T.
3. Okay la, if they AREN'T, if they're HOT. They're NOT. NOT. NOT. NOT.

It's a temple thing, for fucks' sakes..... The way they're dressed.... It's illegal weiii.... I'd be forgiven if I thought they were TEMPLE WHORES.

HELLO??? I remember commenting about how I walk in coffee shops in shorts and baby tees and get stared at by lascivious old men who'd tell their very daughters that getting dressed like that is asking for rape, with my girlfriends before. BIGOTS. But they have NO QUALMS at staring at nubile young things and grinning lasciviously.

Well, these laohiaos are staring and dancing at the nubile young things dressing themselves up like harem girls dancing for a balding pot-bellied old king, dancing lasciviously in sequined bra and panty set thingies baring their mid-riffs from bust-line to hip-line with matching fashion disaster boots and flimsy transparent scarves or feathers draped around their hips at a TEMPLE event.

Tell me that is just so-not-wrong.

If it were a strip club, I'm cool with it. Hell, if it were a CLUB, I'm cool with it. But this! TEMPLE event! In public! With little kids looking on and thinking it's cool, or it's okay to get whistled at/to whistle at underaged girls dressed like whores. Aiyaiyai.... Wrong la. Just wrong.

It's just that... it's just plain bigotry. Fullstop. Double standards. And please, what are we trying to tell people here?

Sleeping Aid

I have a few friends who says the most boggling things. Here is an excerpt from a conversation on MSN with one of them. Yes, I asked his permission to post this up, especially for my single girlfriends' reading pleasures. I think they'd find it as hilarious as I. And I want feedback on his ideas, btw. Do post comments. Anonymously if it makes you comfortable to post something outrageous. Though knowing my friends, they would probably happily post their ideas with their names proudly emblazoned over it :P


Me says (2:57 PM):
LOL: so that's why little boys can run faster than little girls-ball bearings and stick shift!
Mr X says (2:58 PM):
haha
Me says (2:58 PM):
:D oi! what's 7 inches
Me says (2:58 PM):
i give up :P
Mr X says (2:59 PM):
dont give up
Mr X says (2:59 PM):
i wanna know .
Mr X says (2:59 PM):
because i dont
Mr X says (2:59 PM):
lol
Me says (2:59 PM):
huh?
Me says (2:59 PM):
u dont know what's 7 inches?
Me says (2:59 PM):
i dont know la wei
Me says (3:00 PM):
is it anatomy or what?
Me says (3:00 PM):
cant be intestines
Me says (3:00 PM):
that's like 3 basketball court long
Mr X says (3:00 PM):
clitoris ?
Me says (3:01 PM):
cannot be
Me says (3:01 PM):
:P
Me says (3:01 PM):
the labia maybe
Me says (3:01 PM):
the vagina is only 3-4 inches long, i think
Me says (3:01 PM):
but expandable
Me says (3:01 PM):
if i remember right
Mr X says (3:01 PM):
expandable lenghtwise ?
Me says (3:02 PM):
width length depth
Me says (3:02 PM):
amazing thing that is :P
Me says (3:02 PM):
but only the first few centimeters of it is very sensitive
Mr X says (3:03 PM):
yes yes
Mr X says (3:03 PM):
if only they were bigger.
Me says (3:03 PM):
nearer up the cervix, surgery can be performed minus anaesthesia..
Me says (3:03 PM):
LOL
Mr X says (3:03 PM):
i'd make a fortune selling them as sleeping bags
Me says (3:03 PM):
selling vaginas as sleeping bags?!
Mr X says (3:04 PM):
yeah !
Me says (3:04 PM):
wtf
Me says (3:04 PM):
how
Me says (3:04 PM):
what
Me says (3:04 PM):
huh
Me says (3:04 PM):
*boggled*
Mr X says (3:04 PM):
like .
Mr X says (3:04 PM):
ermm
Mr X says (3:04 PM):
stick ur finger in there.
Me says (3:04 PM):
ok, i should hang out with u more often, u say the funniest things
Me says (3:04 PM):
hahahahahaha
Mr X says (3:04 PM):
how good does ur finger feel ?
Mr X says (3:04 PM):
damn nice . .
Me says (3:04 PM):
OMFG :D
Me says (3:04 PM):
ok
Me says (3:05 PM):
LOL
Mr X says (3:05 PM):
sooo .
Mr X says (3:05 PM):
a vagina sleeping bag would be hella comfortable riht ?
Me says (3:05 PM):
yep
Me says (3:05 PM):
sure
Me says (3:05 PM):
:P
Me says (3:06 PM):
vagina sleeping bag indeed :D
Mr X says (3:06 PM):
yes yes
Mr X says (3:06 PM):
wat next ?
Me says (3:06 PM):
what would u come up with next?
Mr X says (3:06 PM):
penis bolster ?
Me says (3:06 PM):
haha!
Mr X says (3:07 PM):
testicle excercise balls ?
Me says (3:07 PM):
a penis is meant to be inside of me, not outside :P
Mr X says (3:07 PM):
i'd make more money marketing it as a bolster than a dildo
Me says (3:07 PM):
:P testicles too sensitive la wei
Me says (3:07 PM):
why bolster?
Mr X says (3:07 PM):
what u ppl end up doing with it is none of my business
Mr X says (3:07 PM):
because more ppl would buy a bolster
Mr X says (3:08 PM):
and its easier to sell
Me says (3:08 PM):
ok... what size would penis bolster be?
Me says (3:08 PM):
pray tell :P
Mr X says (3:08 PM):
4 ft centre bolster .
Mr X says (3:09 PM):
with multiple .. 7inches sticking out and opposite angles .
Me says (3:09 PM):
LOL
Me says (3:09 PM):
wow dude. genius is you yet
Me says (3:10 PM):
i'm damn tempted to post this up anonymously and see what my cheeky girlfriends say about this
Me says (3:10 PM):
LOL
Mr X says (3:10 PM):
especially the single ones
Me says (3:10 PM):
which is MOST of them anyway
Mr X says (3:10 PM):
hahar
Mr X says (3:10 PM):
do it .

this is what boys are for, btw. :P entertainment!!! :D

TITS... TITS TITS GODDAMN TITS...!!!

Wednesday, 13.06.2007. 2221 hours.

Last week, I was given one of the most disheartening news of my life.... :'(

....apparently, i can never get a cleavage!!! *SOB!*

i went for a bra fitting last week. having been on the Pill for about 8 months now, i feel a difference in my breasts.

i also thought i'd like to get me a nice new bra for my friends' weddings.

well, i got the tits alright. they're just everywhere but there. WTF?! big enough cup to make most chink.. oops, sorry, i mean, ricebowl, charlie, cina, yellow, etc. girls faint from delirious euphoria.... but i can never get the damn cleavage.

*stomps feet in frustration*
*throws BIG tantrum*
*goes to one corner and sulks*
*starts with the famous cussing...PKMKNNLLBCCBPBK...*

i mean.... FUCK!!! what's the point of having the breast-flesh when it's not getting me the attention, yes? chuh....

my chest is, seemingly broad. and high. i have, seemingly, a wide chest cavity. well, yes, i always knew that.

one fine day, my idiotic Psychobitch friend smacked me on where she thought my tummy was. instead, she howled in pain. she hit bone. my ribs. MUAHAHAHA... that was when i found out my chest was wider than most.

:( not like i'm an athlete and need that extra oxygen intake/longer breath-holding. unless i'm into dangerous sport like sexual asphyxiation, or something. which i'm not. crazy ah! can die lah! what's her name, Normala Samsuddin, or something like that, probably died from it. well, she certainly made scintillating news for hamsap JAWI guys who stopped talking in court for once.

well, i'm not about to hold my breath to increase the intensity of sexual orgasms. i just want a damn cleavage.

the wide chest cavity displaces the breasts. thank you very much....

so, what's that mean? i need to get E sized tits to get a cleavage? damn.... now THAT would be too heavy.

screw it lah! whoever fucks me has just gotta be happy with what i have. he asks me to get a breast enlargement, i'd counter by saying he get a penis enlargement. fair's fair, mate. bigger titties bring him more pleasure? ok... bigger dick brings ME more pleasure, too! :P

at least i still got me arse to fall back on :P

else... there's always duct tape!!!! :P

i think i'm totally scandalising my readers... and i know at least 2 of my former students read my blog. i've probably horrified them. 'My former BM teacher blogs about her TITS!!' :P

speaking of them, yesterday one of them added me on MSN. then she said: 'HI! so... mmm... what should i call u ah? still teacher? sounds odd...' to which i replied: 'just call me (insert nick here). everyone seems to call me that anyway' she says: 'ok... but still kinda odd...'

:P well, i guess, ya. i used to teach her. she can't be calling me by my nickname, yes? so what should she call me leh?? i also dunno worr...