Grown Up Christmas List

Blogs coming up, but just to feature this lovely song first sung by Natalie Cole, popularised by Amy Grant, and recently by Michael Buble. Music composed by David Foster and lyrics by Linda Thompson-Jenner. I think! :D

Here it is. The original. Beautiful :)



This version has some wrong notes, I think, but it's nice piano playing :D I MISS PIANO!



Amy Grant's



And the lyrics:

Do you remember me
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you
With childhood fantasy

Well, I'm all grown up now
Can you still help somehow
I'm not a child
But my heart still can dream

So here's my lifelong wish
My grown-up Christmas list
Not for myself
But for a world in need

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts

Every man would have a friend
That right would always win
And love would never end

This is my grown-up
Christmas list

What is this illusion called
The innocence of youth
Maybe only in our blind belief
Will we ever find the truth

No more lives torn apart
And wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts

Every man would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end

This is my grown-up Christmas list
This is my only lifelong wish

This is my grown-up Christmas list

'nuff said.

Insomnia

movement... in the depths of my subconscious.

movement... the clock ticks. it slows down for no man or woman.

movement... restlessness. sleeplessness.

movement... and yet unseen. i feel it in the tingle on my skin. in the things i see between sleep and wakefulness. that no man's land. subtle... but it's there.

and last night for some reason, i couldn't sleep. something's afoot, and i know it. 0100 hours. 0300 hours. 0500 hours. 0700 hours. finally. o sleep, tis a gentle thing, beloved from pole to pole. to mary queen, the praise be giv'n, she sent the gentle sleep from heav'n, that slid into my soul. 0800 hours. and i'm awake.

the answer's on the calendar.

dammit. gotta put old demons to rest. watch em shrivel like an overturned snail covered in salt. it has to be SO over. i ain't hittin' 27 with a deadweight of shit on my shoulders.

so i dug into the demon-infested recesses of my memories, and revisited old wounds today. i don't know why i do this, sometimes. but i feel that i must do certain things only when i'm ready, and as a test to ascertain that i truly am ready to lay all ghosts to RIP.

the carousel... has stopped spinning. i've gotten off, finally. i walk away, but as i do, i look behind one last time. it had been quite a ride. there is a lot of sadness, and some nostalgia, a little bit of fondness. but i know full well the ride is over. and this would be one ride i would really rather not get on again.

i guess this explains it best:

No matter what you say about love
I keep coming back for more
Keep my hand in the fire
Sooner or later I get what I’m asking for

No matter what you say about life
I learn every time I bleed
The truth is a stranger
Soul is in danger I gotta let my spirit be free
To admit that I’m wrong and then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on and leave you behind

I can’t waste time so give it a moment
I realize nothing's broken
No need to worry about everything I’ve done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don’t look back got a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You’re still a part of everything I do
You’re on my heart just like a tattoo
Just like a tattoo
I’ll always have you (I'll always have you)

Sick of playing all of these games
It’s not about taking sides
When I looked in the mirror didn’t deliver
It hurt enough to think that I could stop
Admit that I’m wrong and then change my mind
Sorry but I’ve gotta be strong and leave you behind

If I live every moment
Won’t change any moment
There's still a part of me in you
I will never regret you
Still the memory of you
Marks everything I do, oh

~Jordin Sparks, Tattoo~

the precipice... i realise now was a path i had to travel. a situation i had to experience to gain better insight into my own psyche. to better understand my motivations. the fall was painful and deeply depressing. but with it was a lesson so priceless, it was worth it all. to know who your true friends are, to realise why you make the mistakes that you do, is an epiphany that i would never give up now that i have the knowledge. self-knowledge is more potent than any other, perhaps because it is like taking one more step closer to God. He did, after all, make us in His likeness.

i have no regrets. the precipice happened for a reason, and even if the other party learnt nothing from it, i have done my part, and i have done my best.

this i walk away from without looking back at all. no nostalgia, no fondness, just self-awareness.

Memories are just where you laid them
Dragging the waters til the depths give up their dead
What did you expect to find?
Was it something you left behind?
Don't you remember anything I said when I said,

Don't fall away and leave me to myself
Don't fall away and leave love bleeding in my hands, in my hands again
And leave love bleeding in my hands, in my hands
Love lies bleeding
Oh hold me now I feel contagious
Am I the only place that you've left to go?
She cries her life is like
Some movie in black and white
Dead actors faking lines, over and over and over again she cries

And I watched as you turned away
You don't remember, but I do
You never even tried
Don't fall away and leave me to myself
Don't fall away and leave love bleeding in my hands, in my hands again
Leave love bleeding in my hands, in my hands again
Leave love bleeding in my hands, in my hands again, oh

~Fuel, Hemmorhage~

This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
Tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in
Now you're outside me
You see all the beauty
Repent all your sin

It's nothing but time and a face that you lose
I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose
I'll write you a postcard
I'll send you the news
From a house down the road from real love...

There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save

I'M NOT SORRY THERE'S NOTHING TO SAVE...

~Stars, Your Ex-Lover Is Dead~

***
and as i toss and turn in my sad excuse for a bed last night, i wonder what the future has in store for me. so the demons are banished. what next?

this year has been difficult. yes i'm wiser now, i hope.

but all these just serves to tell me one thing. i know nothing. i can make no promises. all i have is me. and who i am now.

all of these just serves to remind me: i am of this earth. my life is not my own.

there is a greater power at work here. all i can do is plan. but whether or not my plans come to pass is not of my jurisdiction.

and i miss you. terribly.

have i ever told anyone: i find christmas a more subtly romantic event than valentine's? christmas is for family, and good friends, and cosy dinners. it's about passion and firelights. something of a reality rather than the candlelights of which dreams are spun.

and i miss you. terribly.

for one with such perpetual verbosity as i, the silence i find myself in now is plain insufferable.

and this christmas, words fail me.

so i suppose i'd just borrow janis gott's:

I know Santa is a friend of mine and he's always been good to me
Always treats me right every Christmas night puts things beneath my tree.
But the one thing I want him to bring has never been on his sleigh
It's always on my mind, a gift I'm hoping to find when I open my eyes on Christmas day

I want you to wrap your love around me like a big red Christmas bow
I want to feel your love surround me everywhere I go
And when the holidays are over no more tinsel, no more snow
Your love will still be wrapped around me like a big red Christmas bow

Take the stockings from the fireplace but leave the angel on the tree
To watch, protect and to direct your love straight down to me
Now close your eyes, here's my surprise, feel my heart if you need a clue.
It is yours alone for you to keep and to own in return I ask one thing of you.

I want you to wrap your love around me like a big red Christmas bow
I want to feel your love surround me everywhere I go
And when the holidays are over not a trace of mistletoe
Your love will still be wrapped around me like a big red Christmas bow
Your love will still be wrapped around me like a big red Christmas bow

~Janis Gott, Big Red Christmas Bow~

and again... i miss you. terribly.

SANTA BABYYYYY....

now i'm still at work, been real busy, hence the lack of posts... but i'm feeling chrismassy. so i went hunting for christmas songs..

been keeping myself sane by dancing at work after everyone's left :P

i've got several really nice fave christmas songs, but here's one of my faves... (not approved by the GIRM (for those non-Catholics: ?guidelines something something *yawn yawn* Roman Missal) for church masses, of course :P)

this is sung by the pooooddy cat dolls... PCD... oh hello hellooooo..... and snoop dogg's (snoopy baby.. LOL!) in it. :P yeah i dance to this at work since i'm in the holiday mood already (minus the holidays, fuck it!)

now the only thing missing is the itty bitty santarina outfit ;) who's gonna get me that one? i got me fmbs this year, since i been a reeaaaalllll good girl :P so just the outfit would do :P



and here's the original Eartha Kitt... i couldn't find an older version of the song which she did solo, so i guess this would do. but OMG... she's SOOOO OLD... what, almost 90? but she still has legs like that :P there's hope for us yet. LOL.



oh and here's one with big tittied cartoon characters ;P oh yeah, someone likened me to betty boop, but i like her, so who cares :D



LOL... and THIS is by a drag queen: gloria von rottenhole (? ROFLMAO. cue Grey's Anatomy's SERIOUSLY? SERIOUSLY? SERIOUSLY!!) man, is s/he a DIVA....



Kylie's live on Leno. HELLOOOOO MAMA ;) this woman proves hot things come in lil packages. honestly, though, she shoulda done without the lousy dancers. classier that way.



sing along with me now:

Santa baby, slip a sable under the tree,
For me.
been an awful good girl,
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight.

Santa baby, a 54 convertible too,
Light blue.
I'll wait up for you dear,
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight.

Think of all the fun I've missed,
Think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed,
Next year I could be just as good,
If you'll check off my Christmas list,

Santa baby, I wanna yacht,
And really that's not a lot,
Been an angel all year,
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight.

Santa honey, there's one thing I really do need,
The deed
To a platinum mine,
Santa honey, so hurry down the chimney tonight.

Santa cutie, and fill my stocking with a duplex,
And checks.
Sign your 'X' on the line,
Santa cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight.

Come and trim my Christmas tree,
With some decorations bought at Tiffany's,
I really do believe in you,
Let's see if you believe in me,

Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing,
A ring.
I don't mean on the phone,
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight,
Hurry down the chimney tonight,
Hurry, tonight.

oh, btw, before i sign off today, I LUUUURRRRVVVEEEE JOEYSIA!! ;)

spontaneous combustion

sooo... many things to write about, but been so busy at work. no time to write.

suffice to say, to ensure i do not spontaneously combust, or rip the balls off you-know-who, i am listening to reggae music, and reading the acerbic writings of Jeremy Clarkson (of Top Gear). and you wonder how i come up with caustic comments :P

the man is sooooo funny, he keeps me sane. well, i find him funny :)

back to work. sighsssss

Birthday Wishes

have a number of friends whose birthdays are in December:

since i'm gonna be gasping for breath in coming days and weeks, here are some birthday wishes from me:

Dec 3: Happy Birthday, Davi...! Whoa.. this means I've known you some 20-odd years. :P Stay gorgeous, smart, funny, sarcastic, funky!

Dec 4: Jonjon :P Now that you're older, learn to mumblemumble less, can? :P Happy birthday, you :)

Dec 8: Chick-How's classes and all? Happy Birthday! Go check some hunky intern on out your birthday, why don't u :P

Dec 9: Happy birthday, Chern! How's the new job coming along? I hear Sharon says you're liking it, that's all good then!

Dec 14: Ninehneh :D Happy Birthday! Yeah, should meet up sometime. Gimme a ring, then.

Dec 19: Poyee! :) Good to find you on fb :) Happy birthday!