Wednesday, May 23, 2007

work.. and the Y chromosome Pt.1

i'm at work working on an old presentation, and getting kinda bored.

i'm gonna talk about guys. not men. i'm drawing a distinctive line. so don't get snarky.

i know this is gonna insult a lot of people, but i'm merely speaking from experience. mine and some others close to me. shan't mention names, those aren't pleasant memories.

not really ranting, either.

not really being 'emo', too.

just... writing down my thoughts and reasons.

being as honest and candid as possible.

because writing to semi-strangers, with technology as a mediator, is sometimes easier than speaking face-to-face. also because this sometimes serves a greater purpose to reach a wider audience.

aichiban asks what i look for in a 'breeding partner' :P he's not the first to ask. there's been many before him. i've just never been as honest.

these past few months have required plenty of soul-searching from me. who am i? what do i want? what do i need? what can i do without?

reasons for soul-searching has been personal. and also because of things that happened to friends, and family.

firstly, though, my answer for aichiban:

i want a MAN who:

1) is trustworthy
2) is someone i can respect
3) is someone i can communicate at a deep level with
4) is loyal
5) is responsible
6) is caring
7) is loving
8) is fairly intelligent (i don't need a stephen hawking.. probably drive me mad, and not in a good way)
9) has a sense of humour i can understand
10) is someone i'm sexually attracted to (ahh but of course, no? else how to breed?)

he's got to be, for me, a life partner, a love partner, and a sex partner.

i really don't think that's too much to ask for. wouldn't that be things you'd seek in a partner? male OR female? a man would want those, too, i think. if we're being honest, and not joking about things.

hey, i want an Eric Bana lookalike. but i can live without it, if i meet someone who answers to the criteria above. no point having a handsome Greek-god lookalike who's empty and shallow inside. who doesn't have a heart. who's selfish.

Scenario A
i've dated a guy who strung me along for 4 years. that's 4 years of my life wasted on an unsuitable boy. yes, i was foolish enough to put my hopes on someone who didn't care. who treated me as a spare tyre. who flirts shamelessly with me when he's gotten into an argument/ has broken up with his girlfriend. who neglects to tell me he has one, and when i found out that he did, he says that all that transpired between the both of us was just a joke.

it hurt. it still hurts.

someone said i'm bitter about it still. i'm not sure if i am. i'm disappointed in him, yes, but, bitter? i don't wish him ill. i hope his current girlfriend would be treated better than i was. no girl deserves to be treated like dirt. but i'm definitely sad. i'm still upset about it, yes. but i'm not sure if i'd run him down with a steam-roller, or have him beaten up. i don't think so.

Scenario B
a friend liked someone for about 2-3 years. he flirted back. the usual suspects. the same story. then she wondered why he never said anything. she's got more guts than me. she told him: i like u. his reply: i know... but u're just not my type....


she's only just kinda got her 'dignity' back.

Scenario C
another friend's been with a guy for about 5 years. 5 FRIKKIN years. then he left her. says she isn't understanding enough. doesn't sacrifice enough for him. too this, too that. made her cry her eyes out. actually he has another girl now. she begged him to stay. wanted so much to try to work things out.

finally she stopped. cos his sms to her was: i'm only replying ur sms-es out of courtesy.

she snapped out of it when she saw that.

she told me this long after it's ended. my reaction: he couldn't even afford you the proper courtesy to say No nicely. what an asshole.

there are so many ways to say No. E.g.:
1) I think we shouldn't speak to each other anymore. It would be easier for both of us that way.
2) I don't feel for you the way I used to. I like this girl now. Talking to each other like this isn't going to make the break easier. Let's just have a clean break from each other.
3) Just don't reply. She'd get the picture. Eventually.

but that's not the end of it. what outraged me was that over chinese new year, he texted her to wish her cny. then when she didn't reply, he threw a 'tantrum' and said: what's the point i'm back when u won't even reply my sms?

honestly: HUH?? after all that rudeness, after all that hurt, when he's no longer on her radar, he just has to destroy her peace again? who the hell did he think he was to say something as ridiculous as that?

and a few months back, he texted her to say he's sorry for leaving her the way he did. for treating her the way he did. that he regrets leaving her now.

she thinks it's sincere. i don't think so. because it sounded awfully like what happened to me. so i told her what i thought. that he probably wants someone to listen to him. someone to sympathise with him. someone who'd feel sorry for him. because i suspected that he's had a BIG fight with his girlfriend.

i was right. i don't like to be proven time and again that what i know about boys be true, but she said he told her he's broken up with his girlfriend. and yet, she has, in good authority, the knowledge that he was still with her.

Scenario D
when i was 17, going 18, my cuzzie, who's now in Aussie, came back for a visit. she sat down with me, and asked me if i've ever fallen in love. i said i hadn't. mom's always said i've always been too level-headed. mom's worried i'd never get married. she smiled. and she told me to be careful. she told me i shouldn't give my heart to someone who wouldn't give his to me. and then she told me her story.

she was young, about my age then. she's 5 years older than i am. and she fell for a chinese hongki who was studying in the same school as she was. her mother was very much against the relationship, saying they're way too young, and she didn't like the boy very much. but cuzzie was adamant. she was heartbroken when her mom forced them to break up. in the end, her mother gave in to her, and she called him up to let him know. he said he was happy, and that he wanted to meet her to take her back to meet his parents. she was overjoyed. she agreed. he drove...

to take her to meet his OTHER girlfriend. and he told her, in front of the other girl. i've been going out with her all this while i was going out with u.

she was traumatised from that incident. for 5 years after that, she chose to be single.

Scenario E
i know a guy, who's been seeing a girl for almost 3 years now. he found out she cheated on him, but she begged him to stay. he did, though his heart's not in it. until now, he can't bring himself to forgive her. she does all the calling. most of the travelling. he wants 'the distance and the space'. recently she brought up marriage. he freaks. he does NOT want to marry her. but he's still with her. he likes the status quo.

i suspect he enjoys the power trip. the ego boost. someone clinging to him, saying she can't survive without him. begging him. i suspect he does it out of vengeance.

even if you were a guy, if the girls here were your sisters or just your friends, wouldn't you have told them to 'drop it (the guy they dated/ is dating) like it's hot!'?

i'm not making any of these stories up. so u be the judge then on whether i'm justified when i view most guys, in general, with suspicion.

~to be continued~

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

protein and salt cravings

greedy bitch here is having a protein and salt craving.


I WANT STEAK. BEEF AND LAMB to be precise. dammit!


and DIM SUM.....

nabeh... this is BAD....

other chicks want choccies.

i want MEAT. MEAT MEAT MEAT. give it!!!

:( how now edible cow?


what the fuck is wrong with me?

and salt.

i want potato chips. original, or sour cream and onion.

and i want BANANAS. i think i can finish 5-6 in one sitting.

OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..................


not quite in the mood for weddings, but i have two coming up.

the second, i'm cool with.

the first, i'm half-hearted about.

1) i don't know the chick that well. well, we studied together, but that's about it.

2) i have to go get my lard ass off to some town (that i don't know-wasn't given details though i asked) to be her 'jimui'.


i have NO IDEA what being a jimui entails.
-> i have never really watched a canto/ taiwan serial
-> when my hometown mates get married, they just get married. minus the 'jimui' thingy. they might perhaps have a 'hen's night', which sounds better to me, being the horny bitch that i am. seriously.
-> she didn't give me details about this either....

3) i'm kinda broke.

4) i have something to do in the morning on the day itself. i really hate to rush.

5) i don't know where i will be staying, and what time i'll be coming back. 'cos i should be somewhere on sunday, too.

6) damn, maybe i'm a control freak, but i just like things well planned.

7) i don't really like some of her friends much. i don't hate them, but i'm just not comfortable talking to them. we just don't quite click. that's all.

8) she JUST told me few weeks back... hotdamn...

Monday, May 21, 2007

Chink BOYS

went out for dinner with the 'took my own leave' psycho, but we both ended up with another of my friends (and her friends) for the whole night.

we had jolly good fun. dancing, drinking increasingly alcoholic drinks (Stan the Man calls it 'foreplay until you reach the real thing'-cheeky bastard).

and had great fun alternatively flirting, and shocking the boys :D yesh, one of them was Bachelor no. 32. apparently my friend knows him in person. he's so young, and rather shy, which makes shocking him absolutely hilarious. especially when he starts sputtering cos he's trying to salvage his 'cool-ness'. it was terribly cute.

it was really fun. maybe because none of them are chinks.

i give up on chink boys.

see, psycho (as usual, being the ah beng magnet) had a bunch of chink boys trying to pick her up.

picture this scenario:

a bunch of losers, dressed in work clothes, in a hiphop club scene, cruising along the bar trying desperately to look cool and rich, sipping WINE (wtf?) watching some really naughty dancing. checks out the jap-looking girl with nicely huge tits doing her thing on the dance floor with her girlfriends. she goes to the bar to talk to her other friend, and grab an ice cube to wet her parched throat. her friends follow.

having watched her half the night, chink boys try 'languidly' to come up to her. the oldest of them, and maybe the richest, points out to the better-looking one of them (if tallish, scary-white, bespectacled, and longish-haired be called good-looking), saying that he's really interested in her and would like to know her name.

her friend watches with increasing disbelief on her face, thinking:
OOOOO u're SOOOOO in for it, boy.

1) if u see a chink girl dancing with a bunch of machas/ bhais... u better have a REALLY good pick up line, and the confidence/ charm/ self-deprecating humour (at least) to pull it off. cos trust me, darker-skinned people are confident. darker-skinned people are cool-er and are more fun to club with than you.

2) that girl there is an elitist snob, you've no idea what you've gotten into.

3) have the balls to approach her yourself, else she'd crush you.

4) she's hot. she knows she's hot. and what makes you think you can send your lame-o wingman over with some lame-o excuse and expect her, or her friend to start giggling in lust and hand over everything (name, IC no., mobile no., vital stats, address, etc.)? she's a woman. she ain't no girly girl you can twist around your lil finger.

5) you're so fucked :P

her friend was right. she exchanged one look with her friend, then said: who wants my name? that one ar? why don't he ask me himself? ok, ask him to dance first, then i'll give him my name... OOOOO....

her friend laughed out loud. as the guy sputterred and gave some more lame excuse, both watched the tallish guy skunk to one corner and move away, mouthing "snob". well, waddya expect? as she gave his friend her name, he came back bringing his other guy friend and approached her friend.

her friend thinks: WRONG move, boy. have you never learnt about John Nash? or watched "A Beautiful Mind"? No girl likes to be second best. and having watched her friend embarrass you, what makes you think she'd give a loser like you the time of evening?

her friend gave him her name, then promptly ignored him and went off to dance. yes, so cruel. who fuck cares? he THINKS he's hot. both women KNOW they're hot.

so what if they're barristers?

take out a whole wad of cash to buy yourself and your friends a drink. what, no wallet? what, you think we'll change our minds about u? how pathetic.

chink men seriously need to grow some balls. chink mothers need to pamper their sons a bit less. stop taking themselves too seriously.

it's really pathetic to take half a night to develop half a COLLECTIVE ball in the first place, even more pathetic to try to show yourself off as rich, and even more so to think you can use one girl against another. they did the dirty dancing together. what makes you think you're so hot you'd make one change her mind about another? when she ignored you in the first place. terribly S.A.D.

granted there are precious few rarities among chink men. the common denominator in chink men like these are that, a) they have a different upbringing and/ or have friends of different races. b) they have been overseas and back.

now these are few and far in between. perhaps because they all decided to STAY overseas, and marry a non-chink girl (if they're lucky).

Chink boys think that the hot chink girls go out with other races cos they're richer, cool-er, or have a larger and longer dong. well, maybe. but the main reason is because they treat girls (at least when dating) better. and they are more charming. and more self-deprecating. and they have BALLS. not the size of the dong, darling. it's the size of the BALLS (figuratively speaking) that counts.

yes, i'm an elitist snob. yes, i'm mean to my own race. unfortunately, it's true. gonad-less, spine-less worms are a terribly pathetic bore. especially when they think they're so hot, they treat you like you're less human then they are, and expect you to worship them just because they have a penis. how'd u expect me to breed with a lesser creature who thinks he's better than me, mom?


this was a topic that was brought up when talking to a friend quite a while back.

and which was brought up again when talking to a friend via messenger today.

friend A mentioned about a woman who was raped in college, and then, after many years, after she's moved on, and so has he, her rapist was struck by a sudden bout of guilt and decided to get in touch with her and apologise.

when she first read the letter, she was terribly upset, and she thought she'd forgive him, and write back. but after a few letters, she figured: wtf? he caused me so much pain, i don't want him to get away with it. and she handed the letters to the authorities so that she could take proper legal action.

when that happened, he denied everything.

which brings me to this:

1) when you apologise for something, are you sincerely sorry, or are you just saying that to assuage your own guilt?

-> if you're really sorry, then be prepared for the other person's reaction to swing either way. you should be prepared to hear the other party's inability to forgive you. like the Dixie Chicks sing: I'm not ready to make nice.

-> what are you expecting, when you say: i'm sorry? to hear the other party say: it's ok? because it's not ok. are you assuaging your own guilt, or are you assuaging the other party's feelings?

-> saying sorry, just to assuage your own guilt, is being doubly selfish.

2) have you ever thought that the person has moved on, and doesn't want to remember what you've done to her? and when you do, after all that, you're just making her feel worse? you're opening an old wound and stuffing and rubbing a kg of salt into it. you were no longer on her radar. leave her alone. let her be. she's happy without you in her life. leave it that way. you wronged her. your guilt is justified. live with your own cross. or talk to a psychiatrist. find another way of closure that wouldn't affect her.

3) if you are willing to ask for an apology, be prepared for the consequences. be prepared to be punished for old sins. what, you only want the forgiveness without the retribution? if that's the case, how sincere was your apology in the first place?

i told someone months back:
when u've learnt to take responsiblity for your own actions and grow up and be a man, then maybe we can have a shot at being friends again. wanting to be friends under these circumstances is too much to ask for. till then, u made ur own bed, go sleep in it.

i'm afraid i'd have to say this to someone else again soon.

you see, maturity and wisdom does not come with either age or experience. it's learning from the painful lessons in life. it's taking responsibility.

the call of Nemesis

this is who Nemesis is, for those who don't know, or don't bother to find out:

Nemesis (in Greek, Νέμεσις), also called Rhamnousia/Rhamnusia ("the goddess of Rhamnous"), at her sanctuary at Rhamnous, north of Marathon, in the Greek mythology was the spirit of divine retribution against those who succumb to hubris, vengeful fate personified as a remorseless goddess. The name Nemesis is related to the Greek word νείμειν, meaning "to give what is due". The Romans equated one aspect of Greek Nemesis, which might be interpreted as "indignation at unmerited advantage", as Invidia (Aronoff 2003)

i don't call myself Nemesis for nothing. when i've made up my mind that enough is enough. when i've lost enough sleep over something. when i've been pushed to my limit. i am Nemesis. and i don't take no shit from no mortal man.

last friday someone pissed me off so much, my entire face went scarlet. and when i went off for dinner, and went to the ladies', i noticed little red spots all over my chest, and upper arms, right down to my bosom.

it looked like i had an allergy reaction to alcohol. except i hadn't started drinking yet.

yes, i got so angry, that i burst my capillaries.

that's when i thought: Enough. Enough is enough. I don't need this. From anyone.

i had a difficult childhood. i was emotionally and socially blackmailed and bullied as a child. it taught me 3 important lessons:

a) how to phase out.

b) how to be utterly shameless, and to not bother about the general public's opinions of me.

c) how to take full control of my own life.

these are lessons i learned young. it was so difficult, as i was so young, but it has served me well.

now i'm using it. because i have to.

on sunday, i found out something about someone i cared for that was totally unexpected, and that put me out of my misery of several months. it helped me reach my decision, immediately. swift as the blow of the guillotine. a decision i've been getting sick, and losing sleep over. a decision i had taken months agonising about.

do i want to lose a friend?

but now, the question is: was this person a friend to me?

no one runs circles around a goddess using a mediocre mortal. s/he better at least be hercules, or in hercules' league (a demi-god)

stupid, stupid jackass.

the wheels are in motion. the time is ripe to give what is due. retribution is in order.

the table is set for one last negotiation. it's time to make an offer.

if things don't work out, the blade would strike.

no one has the right to be selfish to such an extent. no one can be allowed to have such an unmerited advantage over everyone else.

if you've made your own bed, learn to sleep in it.

both of you.

the doormat is metamorphing into the goddess of retribution.

Friday, May 18, 2007



I know I'm often WAAAAYYYY TOO nice to people.

But my nice-ness, like every other person, has a limit.

You ask me to help you, and it's not too much trouble for me, I'd do it, and go to great lengths for you.

You ask me to help you, you're a really good friend, and it troubles me some, I'd STILL do it. AND go to great lengths for you.

BUT if you ask me to help your friend, whom I don't know, and it troubles me a lot, but you're a really good friend, I'd help you as much as I can.

BUT if you ask me to help YOUR friend, whom I DON'T KNOW, and it troubles me a BLOODY lot, which I've done anyway, and helped you as much as I can, BECAUSE you are a really good friend, but you ask for even MORE TROUBLESOME favours, for YOUR friend, whom I DON'T KNOW, and whose favours might get ME in TROUBLE, I seriously think you're crossing THE LINE.

And if you get upset because I couldn't do it, or wouldn't, you're seriously PISSING ME OFF.

There's a limit. Don't cross the line.

You're only thinking about YOUR friend, but what about me?

What I've done has already put me in a sufficient amount of danger. What I've done was a great deal of trouble for me. And for my friends who helped me. It also almost put me in a bad light among my friends. Thank God they know the reason, and they know who I am.

I've done all I can. If you're not happy about it, Fuck You.

Saying I am irresponsible, unreliable and SELFISH is just too damn much when firstly, you were the one asking me for my favour when I already TOLD you I was busy.

I was doing YOU a favour, and doing YOUR FRIEND a favour TOO, by PROXY.

Your friend owes me. BIG time.

a) I DON'T know your friend. I needn't help him/ her.
b) You shouldn't have made a promise you couldn't keep. But if you were foolish enough to make that promise, you should have solved it on your own. So yes, I was a solution to your problem, than you should have been thankful I helped you out, instead of whining, or whinging.

Don't act like a Fucking INGRATE instead.

Geez-us!!! I couldn't be more positively INCENSED!


Jerry Hall famously stated that "Men want a cook in the kitchen, a maid in the living room and a whore in the bedroom".

Well, yes, if you're really really good, Nemesis-on-Fire will give you ALL that ;)
I can, after all, it isn't hard to do :)

But what does Nemesis want?

How about giving me "A sommelier-cum-chef in the kitchen, a poet-cum-musician in the living room and an 'Artist' in the bedroom"?


Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Renee Olstead's A Love That Will Last.

Think some of my friends would like this song. She's a pretty good jazz singer. So go check her out :)

A Love That Will Last
Renee Olstead

I want a little something more
Don't want the middle or the one before
I don't desire a complicated past
I want a love that will last

Say that you love me
Say I'm the one
Don't kiss and hug me and then try to run
I don't do drama
My tears don't fall fast
I want a love that will last

I don't want just a memory
Give me forever
Don't even think about saying good-bye
Cuz I just want one love to be enough
And remain in my heart till I die

So call me romantic
Oh I guess that's so
There's something more that you oughta know
I'll never leave you
So don't even ask
I want a love that will last

I want a love that will last
I want a love that will last

I don't want just a memory
Give me forever
Don't even think about saying good-bye
Cuz I just want one love to be enough
And remain in my heart till I die

So there's just a little more that I need
I wanna share all the air that you breathe
I'm not the kinda girl to complicate the past
I want a love that will last

I want a love the love that last
I just want a love that will last
Want a love that will last

self-doubt: the knots require unravelling...

i'm having one of my rare moments of self-doubt.

i want to go for it, but i wonder now, if i'm good enough.

could i still do what i used to do as well as i used to do it?

could i remember all that i've studied, and apply it well?

could i?

where has my confidence gone?

has recent unrelated events affected me, and my confidence and image in myself, so much that i wonder who i am now?

i need a swim. i need intense physical activity.

that's the way i meditate when i'm all tied up in knots inside.

the knots need unravelling....

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

I'll remember

The brain is insidious in how it works.

Memories. The more you try to forget, the more you forget. Everything. Even the things you never wanted to.

So I've stopped. I'll remember. I'll remember everything.

The good and the bad. The happy and the sad. If it makes me cry, so be it. Tears are the safety valves of the heart, anyway.

I'll accept it as it is. I've already learnt to let go.

But I can't stop my mind from remembering. I owe this to me. To feel. To learn. Also to let go slowly. In my own time.

I've grown. Just as I've grown to love you. It's different from falling in love. Loving someone and being in love with someone is poles apart from one another. Someday, if I'm lucky, I'd have both. But now, now's not it.

I know full well the differences between them. Perhaps it's because I've always perceived love with my head rather than my heart. One's accepting. The other is blind.

I know you. I understand you. Not enough, but I try to. No one person can understand another completely. You think I don't accept you, but I do.

I know all your faults. I'm not blind to them. How you could be self-centered. Selfish. Critical. Judgmental. Blatantly cruel. How you could disregard others' feelings to guard your own.

But I know your strengths too. There are times you're so sweet. The simple gestures. The kind touch. I remember those too. How you listen, and listen well. How you watch to try to gauge my moods. How you're sensitive. How you're helpful. Never think I forget. I remember.

And it's painful, either way.

It's you I've grown to love. Your faults and your strengths. It makes you, you. And I wouldn't change how you are or who you are. No one's perfect after all.

But I'm also a woman. And after all that has happened, I know it's impossible to change a situation that seems futile. It takes two to tango. There's only so much a girl can do.

Just because I've grown to love you, just because you get under my skin, doesn't mean you feel the same way for me. And I know this, just as surely as I know the sky is blue on a bright, sunny day.

There's nothing I can do. That's why I chose to let you go. There's no point in grasping at straws. A man's a man after all. A man that doesn't want to stay never will. And what we're doing is dangerous. It's risky business. That's not a risk I want to take. Not anymore.

Is that why lately I've been thinking of you in the past tense?

I can't change your past. I can't promise you the future, either. That would be a promise I can't keep. And I don't make those. What I can give you is the here and now. It's called the Present for a reason. But whether or not you accept my gift and make the most of it is up to you.

I can take the horse to water, but I can't force the horse to drink.

I no longer want to know what it is you want from me. For me now, any answer you give me now no longer matters. It's irrelevant now.

I hope and expect nothing from you now.

Except, perhaps, that you grow up someone you yourself can be proud of. That you take pride in yourself and in what you do. That you see the world around you, and know that you have within yourself, the control and the power to change your own situation, and the situation of those around you.

Not the world, not even the richest, or most powerful men in the world could do that, but your own little community. Your friends, your family, your colleagues, maybe, to start with.

That it's ok to be frightened. It's not fear the holds us back, but the fear to be frightened. The fear to feel.

It's also ok to fail. Failure never brought anyone down. It's not picking yourself up again that's a mistake. We learnt to walk, as children, by falling down over and over again. It's the same as adults.

It's also ok to be sad. If we never experience bitterness, how would we know the taste of sweetness when it comes to us?

You're, perhaps, on the threshold of manhood. Not a boy, not yet a man. What holds you back from taking full control of your life? From taking that final step into manhood? From grasping fully the power that manhood can bring you? Added responsiblity? Responsibility comes to you, whether you choose it or not. Refusing it only bungles up your life even more.

After all, who doesn't know the famous quote on power and responsility?
"With great power, comes great responsibility."

You'll realise how true it is in due time. Just as you'll realise how avoiding that responsibility, and hence, that power does nobody much good.

You say you want me to be happy. You want to make me happy. Yes, I'm happy when I'm with you, but my world would not crumble without you in it.

You can't give me what I want. Or maybe you don't want to. And that's ok, too. I have no intention to make you do what you don't want to do.

Maybe you don't know either, and can't be bothered to ask.

You think yourself beneath me. You think I think you beneath me. You've no idea how much that hurt. I view no man as above me. There are plenty beneath me, but there are some I view as equal. You're one of those. It had never crossed my mind to think of you as beneath me. If I thought of you that way, why would I choose to waste my time and affections on someone beneath me?

You probably never realised how much you've hurt my feelings.

I'm not sure I trust you fully any longer. Things have changed. It's pointless to pretend that it hasn't. In fact, things have been slowly changing for awhile, now. Choosing not to see it, and pretending it hasn't been happening is probably what drove a wedge between us.

I don't want that anymore. You're free to go. Whenever you want. Only one thing I ask of you. To let me know when you want to move on. To let me know to my face. To not taper off slowly, pretending you're too busy, and ultimately no longer see each other that way.

At least have the courtesy to let me know to my face, like a man to a woman, that you want to go. And likewise, I'd afford you the same courtesy, like a woman to a man, to go without a fuss.

My world wouldn't crumble without you in it. But your presence did make a difference. I was happy. But as we all know, happiness doesn't last forever.

You. I wouldn't change you. I wouldn't change this. But it's got to end sometime. Better now than later.

And I hope you're happy. I hope you'll be happy enough times in your life to enjoy it fully. Even if we become strangers. Even if we don't speak to each other anymore. I'll always hope you have the best things life has to offer. Good health, a satisfying job, the love of a lifetime, and a family of your own. Such things fills you, stretches you. Gives you opportunities for growth as a person. I will always wish you well.

For what it's worth, even if we become strangers, I'm glad you were part of me. My life.

No matter how brief. No matter how unsettling. No matter the outcome, whatever it may be.

I wouldn't change anything. Wouldn't wish to erase it anymore. I'll remember.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Girls vs. Grown Women

This was posted on my bulletin, so I thought I'd share it here :)

Thought it said a lot, and that it really was true. Makes you wonder: Youthful Passion vs. Maturity?

Some learn their lessons before others, but we'll all eventually get there. After all, aren't all women born with a hundred years of collective feminine wisdom anyway? ;)

Girls leave their schedule wide-open and wait for a guy to call and make plans.
Grown women make their own plans and nicely tell the guy to get in where he fits.

Girls want to control the man in their life.
Grown women know that if he's truly hers, he doesn't need controlling.

Girls check you for not calling them.
Grown women are too busy to realize you hadn't.

Girls are afraid to be alone.
Grown women revel in it-using it as a time for personal growth.

Girls ignore the good guys.
Grown women ignore the bad guys.

Girls make you come home.
Grown women make you want to come home.

Girls worry about not being pretty and/or good enough for their man.
Grown women know that they are pretty and/or good enough for any man.

Girls try to monopolize all their man's time ( I.e., don't want him hanging with his friends).
Grown women realize that a lil' bit of space makes the 'together time' even more special-and goes to kick it with her own friends!

Girls think a guy crying is weak.
Grown women offer their shoulder and a tissue.

Girls want to be spoiled and 'tell' their man so.
Grown women 'show' him and make him comfortable enough to reciprocate without fear of losing his 'manhood'.

Girls get hurt by one man and make all men pay for it.
Grown women know that that was just one man.

Girls fall in love and chase aimlessly after the object of their affection, ignoring all 'signs'.
Grown women know that sometimes the one you love, don't always love you back-and move on, without bitterness.

Girls will read this and get an attitude.
Grown women will read this and pass it on to other Grown women and their male friends.

Thursday, May 10, 2007


continued from the morning:

Time: approx. 1400 hours.

On a busy one way street in Brickfields area.

INDIAN lady.

CLEVER woman decided to drive AGAINST TRAFFIC, AT PEAK HOURS, on a ONE-WAY STREET while it was DAMN BUSY.

Reason given? My house is just there.


I dont fucking care if your sugar daddy is Semi-Value. It's not your fucking street. We taxpayers pay road tax too, y'know. It's a one-way street. It's peak hours. There is no justification for you to disregard everyone else for your selfish concerns. If it's 11pm or something, and there are no cars around, maybe lah. But C'MON! It's a working day, n it's a busy street. And it's peak hours to boot!!




been meaning to blog about my Good Charlotte concert, but I just haven't found the time.

Anyway, here are some interesting anecdotes from my morning.

In the LRT on my way to work.

Male Indonesian worker travelling with his group of other male Indon workers (who is willing to bet with me it's their day off and they are on their way to KLCC?)

Slingbag that reads..... (drumroll please....)

SEX Doggie Style:

She Rolls Over AND Plays DEAD.

(kinda in that print)

(Picture of one shaggy gray doggy, with front paws up and panting like his life depended on it [well, maybe it does ;)] and one snow white doggy (back end facing gray doggy) lying on the ground like it's dead....)

WAHAHAHAHAHAHA..... If the guy weren't an Indon worker, I'd go up to him and tell him: Nice bag, does it reflect your ahem, life?

On the way up from the lobby, crossing the lobby to the lift area, through the car park, a woman suddenly came really close to the place where i was standing. Then she saw me, braked, a made me a rude gesture, obviously telling something to the rest of the aunties in the car.

Well, I don't suffer fools gladly.

1) It's a CAR PARK. Drive SLOWLY.
2) It's the area where you cross from lobby to LIFT. Pedestrian area. Drive SLOWLY.
3) If she hadn't been gossiping with her old cronies, she woulda seen me. I AIN'T THAT SMALL. Some people would say I'm fat, but, anyway. Point made, no?

SOME people. CHUH!

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

I LIKEEE.......

Exotic bad-ass
You scored 70% masculine, 64% athletic, 54% exotic, and 31% refined!
You want everything in a man at the same time! Masculine, built like a Greek god, exotic and mysterious and even some bad-ass in there too. I think you would really like Freddy Ljungberg, the Swedish soccer player. He's the guy on the right. But let's face it, the whole point of this was to look at a bunch of hot guys. If you liked what you saw, please rate my test!

This test tracked 4 variables. How the score compared to the other people's:

Higher than 77% on masculine

Higher than 47% on athletic

Higher than 68% on exotic

Higher than 9% on refined

Hell, YEAH!! Gimme Freddy Ljundberg. Gimme gimme gimme!!

Ohh.... looking at all those Hot hOt hoT hOT HoT HOT! guys sooooo made my day :)

Thursday, May 03, 2007

oohhh.. i'm a HAWT smurfette :P

:) that hawt meh? where are the boys? maybe i should go to america :P

Seriously Sexy!

Congratulations! This is the highest category so you are extremely sexy!

It would seem that you're a perfect mix of healthy confidence and self-esteem, sexual awareness and knowledge, and a healthy open-mind! You have sex're most likely quite aware of your non-physical qualities, as well, and I'm sure that other people notice it a lot!

Only approximately 20% of takers finish in this category, and often the takers that don't finish in this category, rate my test low, so to try to make up for that, please feel free to rate my test highly below! :)

The Interested In This Aussie Test

The Match The Actors To The Movie Test

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 72% on Sex Appeal
Link: The Ultimate Sex Appeal For Women Test written by aussierick on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

i'm a smurfette!! ;)

i'm a smurfette!! and a silly one at that! :P

You're the Smurfs! Those crazy little blue buggers who run around the forest and live in little mushroom houses. You're perky, plucky and clever. You always manage to solve your own problems, and you do it without violence. Sometimes, however, you're almost TOO much of a pushover...

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 5% on Aggression

free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 59% on Silliness
Link: The 80s Cartoon Personality Test written by TheLadyEve on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test