strange happenings and appetite

what do i want to say here today?

lots apparently, except there's just too much to pen down.

it's been terribly busy at work, and things seem to be falling apart at the seams.

saturday night/ sunday morning was just downright freaky. and the terror seemed so palpably real. feeling like i got paralysed from the waist down on sunday afternoon felt all the more frightening.

i'm left wondering: what the hell is going on? and i have absolutely no answers.

thank god for the moments in between of meeting up with some friends to cheer me up.

at least the wedding was fun. and it was good to see hilarious self-deprecating penangites again. that kinda humour is rather rare in this big bad city. the longer one stays here, it seems the crueler one's sense of humour... or one loses it altogether. being down to earth is part art and part science, apparently.

he dropped me a bomb too. apparently i'm supposed to cook come october. yes, anyone of u who reads this and knows who i'm talking about, feel free to abuse him if you see him. :P i'm panicking here!!!!! i haven't cooked properly in at least 2 years, since the older brother left for penang. and that dish is freaking tedious! gah!

over the past one week, i've been told i inhaled my food three times. and i was introduced to new people three times by the title i believe i'm gonna be stuck with for a long long time. comments made over the week over my appetite:

Sunday, after church, to a friend's niece's newest toyboy:
she vacuums her food up... watch her go.. go... goooo!!!!
Reaction of poor fella: *inches away slowly from me*

*sniffs... i ho hurts ar!*

Tuesday, after trekking up to an area i detest to help a friend haggle over prices cos she can't bloody bargain even if her life depended on it, and she was inclined to buy me dinner as a result... trust me, the foochow side of her was definitely cringing in pure horror just to make that offer.

Over dinner, after i begged to order the large plate cos i was so darn hungry, and i've gone through more than half of it, while she barely reached one-third of hers:
did you just fucking inhale your food?! *very loudly*

my reaction: O.O I'm HUNGRYYYY!!!!

Thursday, when the pipe-cleaner-soap-picker came back from some godforsaken corner of the universe and asked us out for yumchar... and i ordered a plate of nasi lemak cos it was 9pm and i haven't had dinner:
wahhhhh!!!!! you breathe in your food ar!!!!
in front of complete strangers to boot.... after making certain 18SX comments about what transpired when they picked me up.

my reaction: O.O I'm HUNGRRRRYYYYYY!!!!! NO, you're NOT touching my ikan bilis!!!! RAWR!!! (:P) and shut up already! i don't know these ppl!!!!

*sniffs* who needs enemies with friends like these?

Sunday, after meeting a bunch of CGL girls... for the first time, apart from long-haired Serani chick. the girls went out for a nicotine break, leaving just me, and two others at the table. the roasted chicken dish came, and it tasted bloody good... when they came back, the girl sitting next to me demanded:
did you finish the whole chicken by yourself?!

my reaction: *gulps* NO!! there! there's half a chicken there!

so you finished HALF a chicken by yourself?

my reaction: errrrr...... there's half a chicken for you stilll........

:P i think i got my appetite back..... aiyooo... c'mon.... i was on porridge and plain food for the past 3 weeks......

:D it's nice to get my appetite back.... AND FUCK YOU ALL LAAAA... SO I LOVE MY FOOD :P

the hokkien-speaking boys in school would've called this: bin kana pao....

in form 6, the hokkien-speaking boys had a term: bin kana pao (face like pao). it kinda means being in an embarrassing situation... why pao? i don't know. doesn't matter... i found myself in a 'pao moment....'

for the 3rd time in less than 3 years, i fell down in the lrt station... during peak hours.... with a lot of ppl milling about.....

this time.... was a classic, even by my terms... if i may say so myself.

lil ms clumsy... fell down... in a skirt.... u know, those billowy kinds, slightly above the knees. and FLATS. AGAIN... why she always falls in flats, but never heels, she would never know.

she fell... down the ESCALATOR. about 8-10 steps. kedunk duunk duunnnkkk KEH-DUUUUNNNNKKKKK!!!!!

OOOWWWWWWWWWW.......

thank god she had a huge ass to cushion the fall.... too bad the ass wasn't made of steel.

the anatomical casualties: the ankle (now she walks with a slight limp), the calve, the thigh, the butt (cos she landed on it) and the palms (to break her fall).

yes, there were a lot of ppl, no, she did not know if anyone laughed.... cos she limped away as fast as she could as soon as she was able....

she hopes she's hit her quota of the year for embarrassing falls....

entertaining myself....

had some time to visit blogs today.. well, more like i found me some time :P

and hey, i'm glad i did.

apparently, davi went to italy, and those 'enterprising' italians actually had a calendar of hot priests... e.g. as below. now if my priest looked like that, i don't think i can help it but drag myself out of bed every sunday, even if i had to wake up at 530am. forgive me, Father, i know i be sinful, but ur instrument is too lustworthy :P (sorry, baby, but i know you check out hot chicks too! :P)

i mean, girls, wouldn't you?

i see i have something else to lube my fantasies now... among other things :P

and then.... again from davi.... trace's fave gesture..... in bread form..... ROFLMAO!!

Sleeping Aid

I have a few friends who says the most boggling things. Here is an excerpt from a conversation on MSN with one of them. Yes, I asked his permission to post this up, especially for my single girlfriends' reading pleasures. I think they'd find it as hilarious as I. And I want feedback on his ideas, btw. Do post comments. Anonymously if it makes you comfortable to post something outrageous. Though knowing my friends, they would probably happily post their ideas with their names proudly emblazoned over it :P


Me says (2:57 PM):
LOL: so that's why little boys can run faster than little girls-ball bearings and stick shift!
Mr X says (2:58 PM):
haha
Me says (2:58 PM):
:D oi! what's 7 inches
Me says (2:58 PM):
i give up :P
Mr X says (2:59 PM):
dont give up
Mr X says (2:59 PM):
i wanna know .
Mr X says (2:59 PM):
because i dont
Mr X says (2:59 PM):
lol
Me says (2:59 PM):
huh?
Me says (2:59 PM):
u dont know what's 7 inches?
Me says (2:59 PM):
i dont know la wei
Me says (3:00 PM):
is it anatomy or what?
Me says (3:00 PM):
cant be intestines
Me says (3:00 PM):
that's like 3 basketball court long
Mr X says (3:00 PM):
clitoris ?
Me says (3:01 PM):
cannot be
Me says (3:01 PM):
:P
Me says (3:01 PM):
the labia maybe
Me says (3:01 PM):
the vagina is only 3-4 inches long, i think
Me says (3:01 PM):
but expandable
Me says (3:01 PM):
if i remember right
Mr X says (3:01 PM):
expandable lenghtwise ?
Me says (3:02 PM):
width length depth
Me says (3:02 PM):
amazing thing that is :P
Me says (3:02 PM):
but only the first few centimeters of it is very sensitive
Mr X says (3:03 PM):
yes yes
Mr X says (3:03 PM):
if only they were bigger.
Me says (3:03 PM):
nearer up the cervix, surgery can be performed minus anaesthesia..
Me says (3:03 PM):
LOL
Mr X says (3:03 PM):
i'd make a fortune selling them as sleeping bags
Me says (3:03 PM):
selling vaginas as sleeping bags?!
Mr X says (3:04 PM):
yeah !
Me says (3:04 PM):
wtf
Me says (3:04 PM):
how
Me says (3:04 PM):
what
Me says (3:04 PM):
huh
Me says (3:04 PM):
*boggled*
Mr X says (3:04 PM):
like .
Mr X says (3:04 PM):
ermm
Mr X says (3:04 PM):
stick ur finger in there.
Me says (3:04 PM):
ok, i should hang out with u more often, u say the funniest things
Me says (3:04 PM):
hahahahahaha
Mr X says (3:04 PM):
how good does ur finger feel ?
Mr X says (3:04 PM):
damn nice . .
Me says (3:04 PM):
OMFG :D
Me says (3:04 PM):
ok
Me says (3:05 PM):
LOL
Mr X says (3:05 PM):
sooo .
Mr X says (3:05 PM):
a vagina sleeping bag would be hella comfortable riht ?
Me says (3:05 PM):
yep
Me says (3:05 PM):
sure
Me says (3:05 PM):
:P
Me says (3:06 PM):
vagina sleeping bag indeed :D
Mr X says (3:06 PM):
yes yes
Mr X says (3:06 PM):
wat next ?
Me says (3:06 PM):
what would u come up with next?
Mr X says (3:06 PM):
penis bolster ?
Me says (3:06 PM):
haha!
Mr X says (3:07 PM):
testicle excercise balls ?
Me says (3:07 PM):
a penis is meant to be inside of me, not outside :P
Mr X says (3:07 PM):
i'd make more money marketing it as a bolster than a dildo
Me says (3:07 PM):
:P testicles too sensitive la wei
Me says (3:07 PM):
why bolster?
Mr X says (3:07 PM):
what u ppl end up doing with it is none of my business
Mr X says (3:07 PM):
because more ppl would buy a bolster
Mr X says (3:08 PM):
and its easier to sell
Me says (3:08 PM):
ok... what size would penis bolster be?
Me says (3:08 PM):
pray tell :P
Mr X says (3:08 PM):
4 ft centre bolster .
Mr X says (3:09 PM):
with multiple .. 7inches sticking out and opposite angles .
Me says (3:09 PM):
LOL
Me says (3:09 PM):
wow dude. genius is you yet
Me says (3:10 PM):
i'm damn tempted to post this up anonymously and see what my cheeky girlfriends say about this
Me says (3:10 PM):
LOL
Mr X says (3:10 PM):
especially the single ones
Me says (3:10 PM):
which is MOST of them anyway
Mr X says (3:10 PM):
hahar
Mr X says (3:10 PM):
do it .

this is what boys are for, btw. :P entertainment!!! :D

high school

:D went on discussion board for STS' alumni on what was it we miss about school most:

here are some which i had ALMOST forgotten....:

1. band practice (STS band rawked!)

2. school library (yeah, we had some REALLY INTERESTING books there :P)

3. climbing over St Jude's gate when they locked it in order to go to St Joe Parish tuition (HAHAHA!! GUILTY!!! lihai lehhh... in pinafore skirts some more... *rolls eyes* damn tomboy, i know :P)

4. St Jude's Maggie Mee curry with egg. Very sedap and unique taste, I'm still trying to get the same taste for my own Maggie mee curry. (OMG... YAAAA.....)

5. The lab storeroom where they stored preserved fetuses. That's what got me hyped about biology and ended up doing vet med. Yeah, I'm a sadist. (OMG... YARRRRRRRRRRR AGAIN! we had the COOLEST bio lab shit ever!)

6. Canteen's Sarawak laksa. Bloody damn sedap and cheap too. And also the mee soup. (:D YESH... and Mee Jawa too, i think. STS' canteen food pwnts SJS' anyday :P:P:P)

7. going to toilet with a special key (:P don't ask why, we also dunno. prolly so girls don't stuff used pads down the toilet and block up the entire sewerage system of the toilet block. yah. we had toilet BLOCKS :P)

8. The 'haunted' school hall back staircase! LOL! (yeah... all the ghost stories :P)

9. The beautiful school grounds with all the trees.. falling leaves (very autumn-ish) and all that! (OMG... yessss..... i still have dreams of going back to school when the leaves are falling, and walking the school grounds with it's up hills and down hills. like i used to do every morning yonks ago...)

10. The classrooms which were never too sunny.. and from the top floor, if you were lucky, you could actually see squirrels! (squirrels, birds, and hordes of other things :P)

11. First Fridays, because classes would start late (MUAHAHAHA... and those Days of Obligation, etc. etc. i know non-catholics (*coff*psycho!*coff*) who would suddenly be catholic for a day :P

12. summerhouse's ice kacang (by the 3 sisters. old fashioned, cooked with charcoal... YUMMMMM.... they don't have it anymore :()

13. playing board games on the LAST day of exams/school (and a lot of other made-up games to entertain ourselves :P)

14. choral speaking :P

15. the colourful teachers.

16. Old St. Mike's. (for kolomee and cui kiao :D)

that's what i missed as mentioned on the discussion board.

these are mine that weren't mentioned:

17. opening the merit-demerit book on the first day of school and seeing this:
dilarang berdua-duaan di kawasan perkarangan sekolah, gereja, dan perkuburan gereja. mata demerit: 10 markah (? or was it 20 markah? whatever. it was A LOT ok, for berdua-duaan! :P)

18. having a class more than 50% prefects.... and all BLOODY CORRUPTED to boot. :P *pssstttt..... spotcheck! keep the things!* LOL!

19. hiding liquid papers, CDs, and all manner of illegal stuff behind the boards at the back of the class, and the old blackboards in front.

20. being in a reallllyyyyy oooooolllllllddddddd school. u can smell the history seeping from the halls and stairways :) and the moveable double blackboards. :P that's the only reason i watch Harry Potter movies :P it reminds me of the la sallian brothers, franciscan sisters and british education system which our own is based on. even more so back home, and in a convent school like STS. :)

21. working on the school mag with davi, marg and siew ling. that's english and bm editors for u :)

22. annoying the fuck out of our teachers. making one particular one cry in primary 5. ok, not proud of it. but he was a MAJOR ASS.

23. creating jingles..... like: on top of spaghetti... all covered with cheese..... or: batman!!! walkin' down the highway, car came the other way, FLATMAAAANNNNN!!!! :D

24. the pencil family.

25. paper hangman, and those games where we divided a paper into columns labelled: countries, names, cities, famous people, animals, etc. 98 girls would know what i'm talking about ;) man, we were nerds/geeks. :P and proud of it!

26. creating ridiculous stories.

27. burping competitions in class. C/JJ were probably the undisputed queens of the burp!

28. having a fascination and endless conversations on GI Joe, Transformers, Saber Rider from 9-12, Aladdin from 12-14, X-Files from 14-our early 20s, archaelogy (especially Egyptian) from 13-18? *rolls eyes* definitely tomboys, we were :P

29. wearing shorts underneath our pinafores.

30. hanging-out at the church compound after school.

31. the sense of school pride. :) yeah, elitist somewhat, but i can't help it. A Teresian once, a Teresian for life! it was, after all, what forged and formed my identity.

32. the life-long friendships we forged for life. :) that's priceless, girls. it really is. XOXOXO. wherever we will go. however far we would move away from home and each other. there'll always be a bond between us. :) a toast to my sisters!

anything else? :) can't think of anymore right now. and it's time to go home :D

of birdies, sex, conversations, solitude and treehouses.

this was supposed to be posted up last week, but i was busy:

stressed. hence endless blogging.

2 things.

i love messing with PB's mind :D it's FUN. especially when she's already loopy cos she's having one of her very rare red tides :P which induced the idiot to wear white peeptoes to work. breaking it in, she says. right. breaking the blisters and feet too, apparently.

how do i do that? easy. fritz her out by talking about taboo things. i.e. S.E.X.
as for my previous blogpost about liking to be alone, i don't have time to write it all out, but i did mention it in the conversation. so me being a lazy ass, am just gonna paste it out here.

well, in my defense, she DID annoy me first :P

PB: boo
me: yo bitch
PB: u going fer lunchie?
me: nawps
tapaoed
PB: ic. my feet hurt
me: kl food sux royal asscock
FROM WHAT?
PB: the shoes lor
me: OH NOOOOOO
nonononononono
oh noes
not again, makcik
PB: sigh i got to do the sticky thingy again
me: aiyoyoyos
hmmmph
wat u being vain n wore it to WORK?
Sent at 11:55 on Friday
PB: had to 'open' it.
wore it for shopping last nite to try
then got blisters. now i patched myself up n trying to loosen it by wearing it
me: okies
another excuse for being VAIN
PB: told u period making me loopy.
me: j got booted off to bw
she working for *** now
PB: ahahahahahahahahahahaha
me: texted me this morning to tell me that n to ask me what to do
she knows no one
etc
PB: aww.
jy is there
me: i told her that
PB: take it as independence
me: she din know that
yeah
is it just me who actually LIKES going to new places ALONE?
i like the liberating feeling
the solitude
PB: nah. U and ME
me: the loneliness
ahh ok
PB: muahahaha
me: now THAT is one reason we hang so well although we so diff
not many ppl like leaving the comforts of home i guess
PB: dun get all sappy on me now
me: i'm not
u just might KISS me. u being loopy n all
LOL
PB: *middle finger*
me: now if we gonna do some kissing n shit, we need a digicam. and plenty of boys. might as well get em all hornied up
u might get laid, n i definitely will
:P i'm a fantastic kisser :P dun u worry. HAHAHAHA
PB: .....................................i think u just fried a circuit
red alert
me: lol
what?
meaning?
thought i ALWAYS fry circuits red alert
Sent at 12:02 on Friday
PB: this is oe of the occasions
i'm bored. n hungry. n bored. got piles of work but couldnt be bothered
me: go eat la bitch
:)
wat time dinner?
PB: ooo slight cramps too. starange feeling this is..
me: :P stupid
LOL
PB: i plan cabut early
but my bro hp rosak
me: now u amplify those 1000 times n u get my pain then u know how i feel before passing out n having huge ass needle up my butt
PB: so hav to wait he call me
me: ok.
cabuts early anyways
Sent at 12:07 on Friday
PB: i know
joy. as long as mc devils dun call
me: pull out the phone lines
wahahahahahha
PB: funny. they have my hp
me: oh
throw it against a wall
say it fell down 20 flights of stairs
PB: well, its kinda MINE...
company phone i would have doen t ages ago
me: well. u do that u can have excuse buy new phone :P
no? no? *twinkly eyes*
PB: man u're good
me: :D
PB: which brings me to my other dilema
me: mmhmmmm?:D
PB: my bro hp rosak. if cant fix, need to buy new phone
me: ok, so keep the phone :P
u got excuse buy new one
PB: but there isnt one in the market that does what i want it o except the N95
which is a shitload to pay for a hp
n glorified toy
me: hmmmmmmmmmm
i dunno then
my needs are simple
unlike urs
something i can textsex, phonesex, mmssex with.
fullstop :P
waits for it.....
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Sent at 12:16 on Friday
PB: @$%&@*$^$#(%^*# ............*fritz*.........now u got my circuits
me: sometimes i just say things for ur reaction
LOL!
PB: i know...yet i keep falling for it
me: :)
sucker :D
PB: oh can i
an it
can it
omg, i is soooo d bad with typing
me: no shit....
PB: i'm so bored this is not even funny
me: sighs
let's argue about something again then
PB: not THAT bored.........
me: heheh
then i dunno
go read blogs
ermmmm
watch porn
Sent at 12:33 on Friday
PB: porn at the ofs??
u really have no scrupels (sp?)
me: scruples
nope
PB: figures
me: :P
u ARE bored
well, not like i watch porn in office la
i amuse myself with quizzes instead
PB: i bet u do
me: or softporn stories :P
i dont watch porn
:P
maybe i should. watch it with the boy
steal some ideas :P
PB: ah ha!
u read it
......tmi
me: read what?
PB: buy the karma sutra
me: softporn? yep. never mine though
but i never read it at work
PB: bull shit la
i'm looking at MY equavilent of porn.....hp websites
me: serious lah
i dont :P
i read blogs :P
PB: with soft porn on it
me: nope
:P i go on facebook n play warbook
Sent at 12:46 on Friday
PB: n send naughty gifts
PB: gt you mind out of the gutter.....
me: yeah. that's why i dont pick up smoking. prolly cant stop man
:D I LOVE shocking u
muahahahahahahaaaa
Sent at 12:51 on Friday
PB: if u r obsessive compulsive maybe
Sent at 12:52 on Friday
me: i do have OCD wat
u know that
just not like urs la
:P

PB: the fold yo $ into the proper size before puttign it in your wallet. now u r being blur on purpose to make me pisssed off so i will shut up now. n keep my sanity
*flash birdie
me: ya, i get wat u talking. but wat about it???? haiyo
PB: *falls dead on the floor. u were saying u r obsessive complusive so i stated that as n example!!!!!
me: owhhh
sorry. mind was elsewhere
:P
tracy: omg..............u can be so.....so....so.....aaaaaaaaaarrrrggggggggghhhh
FUCK U.
me: yeah mind was down someone's pants :D
what do u think of slow afternoon fucks? or lunchtime quickies? :P
PB: is there a stronger word for fuck? cause it just doesnt have the same sting no more
me: dunno
screw
?
i know... we say it so often... it's abused beyond ones
PB: totaly up to the individual n i could not care less.
me: horny as fuck. silly as fuck. dumb as fuck. crazyfuck.
how did words end up ones? hmmm
my bad
PB: now that u r indeed.
..................................
i need n exasparated emoticon right about now
me: how about :/
:D
i just LURVE annoying the FUCK outta u :D
esp when u're wearing white peeptoe HEELS to WORK
:D
Sent at 13:13 on Friday
tracy: ;/
:///////
:////////////////////////////////
me: muaxxxx
me eez loves u too
Sent at 13:24 on Friday
PB: *birdie
Sent at 13:26 on Friday
me: :D
go play with quizzes, babydoll
Sent at 13:29 on Friday

yup... she is so gonna kill me for not taking the liberty to correct her spelling :D

oh btw, few things to set straight:
1. she gives me too much credit when it comes to my horniness.... i'm sure :P
2. i DID get huge ass needles stuck into my butt. several times. muscle relaxants. got hospitalised for it, too. observation, they said. the pill is a GODSEND.
3. i LOVE annoying her, and frying her circuits.
4. her trademark is the birdie. and obsession with a certain kind of *ahem*.
5. her birdie is a sign of affection. it's her way of saying: 'i love you'. she has issues with expressing affection. :P
6. i say FUCK wayyyyy too often :P

if i don't blog tomorrow.... means the birdiegirl ate me for dinner....... :P

please look for my remains at YAGCentral, KL... ok? make sure u ship whatever remains are left back to Borneo where my orang utans are. as a tombstone, i want a treehouse, as befits a Borneoan, yar? Apt, duncha think?

work, cats, people....

it's Tuesday, and my work is still stuck. damn, this sucks.

and i couldn't make that trip North for nothing.

moving to a houseful of cats. there are 3 new month-old kittens i have to help look after :) with pleasure. they're adorable! damn cute :D one is going for a mind-boggling 4000 Euros. hotdamn...

the cantor asked me to move into MPM's room, maybe next year. i'm kinda torn, cos i've kinda committed to this one. guess we'll just have to see. when he told me, though, the thought of moving into a room-ful of memories now, strangely affects me only about as much as moving into a room previously lived in by cats :P

that's when it struck me: it's so over :) i was so relieved. and i would be lying if i didn't say the realisation filled me with joy :)

all's well that end's well, i suppose.

the psycho bought herself some new stuff. my reaction: O.O aiiii-jjjoooooooorrrrrrrrr!!!!!! and she's waxing horny lyrical over phones..... i need to find her a man. quick! she's having orgasms over communication devices' user interfaces.... *rolls eyes*

i swear we'd be an old married couple if we both didn't like men so much. or at least, the aesthetic beauty of the male body/apparatus.

i cook, she cleans. she sweeps, i'd mop. we'd be sitting in her car, and she'd take the parking ticket, n i'd immediately reach for it, n put it in a particular compartment in her purse. n wind up the window. no exchange of words. then when she parks, i'd remember to make sure she DID lock the car. cos she's OCD like that :P

it'd always end up:
*parks, gets out*
*walks a few steps, she turns around* I locked the car, right?
*me, doesn't stop walking* You locked the car.
Ok, thanks.

:P

this was what a friend said to another friend: they're so different from each other ya? to which the friend replied: ya, they're so different. don't know how they became good friends. :P

seriously, u know u've known someone WAAAAAYYYYY too long when they can text u one saturday at mid-day, thus: (and i quote verbatim) Hey bum, u done wankg? Wana go lunch or sumwhr?

*ROLLS EYES*

known someone for way too long and way too well indeed. :P I swear sometimes familiarity breeds contempt!!

'cos i am a bee-o-ach... yeah... fuck me... why don't u :)

psycho says i'm a bee-o-ach :D cos i was gonna blog about her.

see, she told me to fucking blog already, but she herself 'tiada inspirasi'. bitch. cibai. WANKER!

also cos she ppk me for mooncake festival. we were supposed to go out together. all of us. she had to fucking go to the fucking plant at fucking night-time for her fucking fucktard of a fuckwitted company on fucking mid-autum fucking festival. what the fuck.... FUCK!!! bitch. cibai. WANKER!

then yesterday she got back home from work at fucking 5am this morning.... what the fuck!

and she's been meaning to quit for YEARS. i tell yooouuuuuuu.... Fucking Quit Already THEN. haihhh.... she's no sucker when it comes to men (well, not really, but better than me) but she's a fucked up sucker when it comes to work :(

bimbotic bitch comes in and asks her to do something which she's done already (with witnesses) and she's left frustrated and speechless. when she told me, yeah i was so pissed off on her behalf, i told her: why dont u tell her: 'would you like a press conference the next time you're here, ma'am?'

yeah, i learnt to be sarcastically bitchy without being downright insulting in my years doing customer service. when i quit my job at THE STUPIDEST MEDICAL CENTRE this side of malaysia, and the ortho surgeon asked me why i was leaving, i told him: well, it appears there are irreconcilable differences in terms of opinion, ethics and practices with the upper management. he was floored for a several seconds there. :P then he smiled and said: well.... good luck to you, wherever you're going. :) he was the nicest looking thing in that fucked-up place, though. and he was mighty nice, too.

anyway, back to my psychotic friend. was talking to another mutual friend who's in the north now, and well, like all girls, we reminisce about things past, and mutual friends. she was saying something about her putting on weight, i was telling her about some dieting according to blood type which my big boss practices, and several friends did as well, which caused one of them to drop like 18kgs in 3-4 months? hmmm.... and i was telling her about how i cant be doing the 'eat once a day diet', cos i'd frigging go crazy. this girl's gotta eat like every 4 hours. or my hands will shake, i'd start getting miiiggghhhhttttyyyyyy pissy, and then when the migraine sets in, that's it. u're fucking screwed if u're in the line of fire.

so J says: ya ya ya... i must eat too
and i said: i can't be like (psychobitch) eat only once a day... how she can go 24 hours without food is beyond me....
J: omg.. ya... she's crazy... summore she so thin liao.
me: ya loh...
J: tell her she needs a healthier diet, and to eat more. else later her boobs also gone, then she know...

*cue both of us laughing really hard*

why? cos the girl got lovely tits. and i say this in a totally non-lesbo way. it's big. and she's chinese. which is kinda rare. oh, did i say big? i meant fairly damn huge. :P

btw, she knows i'm blogging about her. i gave her fair warning. see, i don't backstab ppl. what's the point when u can stab them when they're watching? :P i rather do the frontstabbing.... in fact...

*text messaging at 6++pm*

me: J and i were discussing u today on msgr. she says u gotta change ur eating habits, or eat more, else u'd be losing ur tits..
P: OOOOIIIIIII!!!!!!!!! BABIIIII!!!!!!!!!
me: btw, we is gonna have another 'kutuk u' session tmr. yes?? u know we laps u :P
P: WTF??!! Oi!! I demand 2 b represented by a defense. I will not be subjected to a trial w/o fair representation!
me: it's not a fair trial... hence the word 'kutuk' :D awww... u know we laps u :P
P: Fuck u bitches...
me: *muaxxx*
P: Grah!! *sigh

hehehe... yep... that's a NORMAL conversation, btw. if we don't insult each other, we feel like something's not right :)

and yeah, she knows i'm blogging about her... i'm fully expecting her to flame me right back. cos she said so :P

ok, on to other stuff.

1) i just got my namecard! FINALLY! :P it says 'consultant'. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!! i was definitely tickled. no handphone number. good. :P

2) planning another tipsy girls' night out when the girl comes back from japan :D yay... somehow we seem to party harder when boys aren't around... odd :P long island tea, bling, lots of suggestive dancing, fuck-me-heels... THAT frame of mind... yep! gonna be a good night. it's all in the company and the music.

3) LOL. J reminisced about the days when she hadn't gotten married, and we were all still in university. how we were supposed to go for dinner at finnegan's but ended up staying for the clubbing.... and we were all in t-shirts while everyone else was in bling... and i ended up tabletop dancing... in my SPIDEY t-shirt... cos there was a really hot woman there who danced like she was a pole-dancer, and she dragged me up there. while she crawled around the table wiggling her assets. hotdamn! yeah, i remember :) good times, those :) those were the times when i still thought everything was possible.

4) i had nothing better to do :P so i went on blogthings... yeah, i still have a weakness for quizzes :D

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time. You give and take equally in relationships. You need your space and privacy. You don't like to be smothered. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

uggghhhh... it's the last part of that that i wanna change.... but i guess something so ingrained, well.... i guess i'll just have to take me as i am.

enjoy :P

I'm THAT FAT meh???

i've been told i'm insane.

i've been told i'm cheeky.

not too long ago, i was a Class A nerd. like, seriously! :P

aye, i think i still am.

so i don't quite know where to place myself.

all i know is, i've always been odd. not queer, darling, i appreciate way too much the aesthetic beauty of the male body to swing the other way, much to my dismay. as a quite-nearly-there faggy boy (well, at least, he acts faggy sometimes) once told me: turning bi-curious doubles your chances of getting laid. :P to which i replied: hunny, i ain't got no trouble gettin' laid, babe.

so yeah, i don't quite know where i stand sometimes. a cheeky class A nerd?

anyway, i was walking at a prominent shopping complex yesterday evening with two of my galpals, we were about to go home after a swanky dinner. yep, girls like to pamper themselves. :) boys, note this, and note it well: the better ur woman feels about herself, the better she'd make u feel. really, she'd make u one happy happy boy. of course, that is if both of u really like each other enough to care. that goes without saying, no?

there was an OSIM promotion going on. well, one of the salesboys were trying to convince us to try their product. unfortunately the poor boy was pointing to the uZap poster, while trying to convince my friend. oooo.....

ok, none of us make a stick insect look curvy. and honestly, i like my ass JUST the way it is, thank you very much. at least if i'm getting screwed, my man ain't gonna feel no pain after 6 hours straight of thrusting. that way, he can do more of it in the morrow. ok?

so no, i don't wanna weigh under 45kgs. i know, MOST (not ALL) moronic chinese boys like their females plank-like. meaning: 'front dun have, back dun have', please sway like a waterlily, listen to everything i say, cling to me like a barnacle and never let me go even if i do u sooo sooooooo bad. cos my self-esteem can't take no shit from no real woman.

my poor friend. she was trying to ignore him. he was insistent. biasa-lerrr, salesman. so i spoke loudly to the friend between us: Just tell him laaa..... i'm THAT FAT meh???

friend B stared at me, shocked. friend A turned her attention away from salesman towards me. salesman was shocked for awhile then quickly recovered and said: Not fat.... massage maa.....

all three of us burst out laughing, and walked away.

kekeke.....

insane meh? evil meh? just mischievous laaa.... having been brought up constantly under the hawk-like eyes of my very watchful parents, i'm just making up for lost time. ;)

Men are like Shoes.....

I have a friend.

She has little feet.

She has bought herself 3 pairs of vinyl finished white peeptoe heels of varying heel heights because she wants to find that perfect white pair.....

Who wants white heels in size 3 1/2? E-mail me. She can't use it anyway :P She can't walk in them.

I have learnt, from her shoe-buying habits that...

She searches for the perfect shoes like she searches for the perfect man.

1. Look for cheaper ones first.

2. Try them out then. If there isn't a match, don't bother.

3. If it's ok ok, can do lah. Try to make it fit as best as possible. Try to make it work. (The amount of money she spent on Scholl paddings probably cost more than the shoes now....) If after doing everything, and trying a couple of times more (i.e. 2-3 times, both for shoes, and for men), it still doesn't work, discard. Get new one.

4. Sometimes you find one that fits you perfectly, it'd cost you a lot, though. But it'd be SOOOOO worth it.

Conclusion? Men are like shoes.....

1. The cheap ones wear out fast. And they don't fit very well.

2. The amount of padding and effort used to make it as comfy as possible to fit you isn't worth it, and isn't going to work long term. In fact, it's only going to cost you more.

3. So put the investment and the effort in one that's worth it, one that fits you best.

4. It costs you initially, but it lasts for years and years, and it only gets better with age. It's a long term investment that brings better returns with time.

As for the Miss I know above? She now has shoes she's only worn less than 5 times, less than 5 hours each time. Anyone with size 3 1/2 (36) feet and looking for white peeptoes, let me know. Maybe you can get it from her at a discounted price. :P

My 200th Blog!! and Orgasm-Enablers...

short blog.

my 200th blog on blogspot, waddya know :)

today at lunch, my boss made an interesting remark.

he mentioned it in relation to objective reality. something about how we control our destinies, etc. lazy to talk about that la. go google it up :) very abstract kinda stuff. it's a thinking that basically renders all major religions in the world irrelevant. :) also something to do with the Black Swan, whereby by the time we reach 15, and/or have had our first sexual experience, we normally would not experience any new experiences.

all our experiences would be repetitive of old ones, that fall into a certain pattern within the filters of our minds.

it's not something new. i've read this before when i was studying psychology textbooks in uni. i happen to find psychology a fascinating subject.

then he says something that possibly stunned my other very conservative, chinese-ed colleagues:

.... therefore, an intelligent man would choose to stay monogamous, since it saves him the hassle of meeting and getting to know new sexual partners. because he knows that new lovers are actually repetitive of old ones. every sexual experience is similar. what's different is how he perceives it in his own mind. the woman is merely an orgasm-enabler.

LoL..... in my mind, i was thinking: hell, yeah.... a hole is a hole is a hole. whether it be yellow, brown, black, white, etc., of a hand, a jacuzzi, or a glory-hole. front-end, rear-end, makes no difference.

but still, to hear this from a MAN. HAHAHAHAHA.... i burst out laughing for a second. i couldn't help it. but of course, i quickly stopped myself. lest my boss finds my laughter too unbecoming :)

*wicked grin*...... i wonder what my guy friends would say about that. orgasm-enabler, indeed....

TITS... TITS TITS GODDAMN TITS...!!!

Wednesday, 13.06.2007. 2221 hours.

Last week, I was given one of the most disheartening news of my life.... :'(

....apparently, i can never get a cleavage!!! *SOB!*

i went for a bra fitting last week. having been on the Pill for about 8 months now, i feel a difference in my breasts.

i also thought i'd like to get me a nice new bra for my friends' weddings.

well, i got the tits alright. they're just everywhere but there. WTF?! big enough cup to make most chink.. oops, sorry, i mean, ricebowl, charlie, cina, yellow, etc. girls faint from delirious euphoria.... but i can never get the damn cleavage.

*stomps feet in frustration*
*throws BIG tantrum*
*goes to one corner and sulks*
*starts with the famous cussing...PKMKNNLLBCCBPBK...*

i mean.... FUCK!!! what's the point of having the breast-flesh when it's not getting me the attention, yes? chuh....

my chest is, seemingly broad. and high. i have, seemingly, a wide chest cavity. well, yes, i always knew that.

one fine day, my idiotic Psychobitch friend smacked me on where she thought my tummy was. instead, she howled in pain. she hit bone. my ribs. MUAHAHAHA... that was when i found out my chest was wider than most.

:( not like i'm an athlete and need that extra oxygen intake/longer breath-holding. unless i'm into dangerous sport like sexual asphyxiation, or something. which i'm not. crazy ah! can die lah! what's her name, Normala Samsuddin, or something like that, probably died from it. well, she certainly made scintillating news for hamsap JAWI guys who stopped talking in court for once.

well, i'm not about to hold my breath to increase the intensity of sexual orgasms. i just want a damn cleavage.

the wide chest cavity displaces the breasts. thank you very much....

so, what's that mean? i need to get E sized tits to get a cleavage? damn.... now THAT would be too heavy.

screw it lah! whoever fucks me has just gotta be happy with what i have. he asks me to get a breast enlargement, i'd counter by saying he get a penis enlargement. fair's fair, mate. bigger titties bring him more pleasure? ok... bigger dick brings ME more pleasure, too! :P

at least i still got me arse to fall back on :P

else... there's always duct tape!!!! :P

i think i'm totally scandalising my readers... and i know at least 2 of my former students read my blog. i've probably horrified them. 'My former BM teacher blogs about her TITS!!' :P

speaking of them, yesterday one of them added me on MSN. then she said: 'HI! so... mmm... what should i call u ah? still teacher? sounds odd...' to which i replied: 'just call me (insert nick here). everyone seems to call me that anyway' she says: 'ok... but still kinda odd...'

:P well, i guess, ya. i used to teach her. she can't be calling me by my nickname, yes? so what should she call me leh?? i also dunno worr...

Anecdotes

been meaning to blog about my Good Charlotte concert, but I just haven't found the time.

Anyway, here are some interesting anecdotes from my morning.

Where?:
In the LRT on my way to work.

Who?:
Male Indonesian worker travelling with his group of other male Indon workers (who is willing to bet with me it's their day off and they are on their way to KLCC?)

What?:
Slingbag that reads..... (drumroll please....)

SEX Doggie Style:

I Sit Up AND BEG.
She Rolls Over AND Plays DEAD.

(kinda in that print)

(Picture of one shaggy gray doggy, with front paws up and panting like his life depended on it [well, maybe it does ;)] and one snow white doggy (back end facing gray doggy) lying on the ground like it's dead....)

WAHAHAHAHAHAHA..... If the guy weren't an Indon worker, I'd go up to him and tell him: Nice bag, does it reflect your ahem, life?

On the way up from the lobby, crossing the lobby to the lift area, through the car park, a woman suddenly came really close to the place where i was standing. Then she saw me, braked, a made me a rude gesture, obviously telling something to the rest of the aunties in the car.

Well, I don't suffer fools gladly.

1) It's a CAR PARK. Drive SLOWLY.
2) It's the area where you cross from lobby to LIFT. Pedestrian area. Drive SLOWLY.
3) If she hadn't been gossiping with her old cronies, she woulda seen me. I AIN'T THAT SMALL. Some people would say I'm fat, but, anyway. Point made, no?

SOME people. CHUH!

"Women Rule...."

Today I wore a T-shirt to work that sparked interest in my colleagues.

It said, in Bold: Women Rule... Men Drool.

Imagine my mirth when I went on Reuters and read this:

http://today.reuters.com/news/articlenews.aspx?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyid=2007-04-26T130938Z_01_KUA647071_RTRUKOC_0_US-CHINA-WOMENTOWN-ODD.xml

HAHAHAHAHA...... :D

My day just got off on a fabu-licious start :P

Of Balloons and Conversations

Thursday, 12.04.2007. 2300 hours.

Was at McDs with The Girl and Little Boss. Little Boss was supposed to get us McDs new Hotcakes but apparently he forgot. I wonder if it was some subversive tactics to get me to "Eat Protein! In Every Meal!" Auntie betul laaa.... :)

McDs had all these colourful balloons all over the place, and me, having a THING for balloons, told The Girl I wanted a white one. White one was really puuurrrrtttiiiiieeeee...... Little Boss heard it and said: Ask them for it la! I said I didn't want it, it was just a passing remark, plus! how was i going to carry it on the train with me? Shy-lar! He actually asked McDs staff for one. They brought him a bunch, but he asked for one, even one that wasn't blown yet. They gave him a handful of those, so he blew one up in the elevator and gave it to me.

Cute, but I thought it was a rather crazy thing to do. And very shy-lar. Oh well :)

Nice of him to do that, and I got my balloon, though it was quite embarrassing to go through all that ruckus at McDs.

**

On another note, a conversation with someone today brought home yet again the realisation that:

You gotta let go of the past, to move forward with the present into the future.

That's a problem, isn't it? How to know to draw the line, and say: Well, fuck it! This is holding me back, I have to cut this off to improve my quality of life. Funny how so many things can affect us without our realising to what extent it does. Until it's too late.

I've always been too cerebral about my emotions. I have to analyse everything. Think things through. Over and over. From as many angles as I possibly can. I've always perceived love first with my head, and then my heart: I can never fall in love with this guy. He's not right for (whatever) reasons. No. Don't get too close. Don't get swept off your feet. Never gonna happen. So don't even try. You're gonna get burnt so bad, 3rd degree burns are nothing. So don't even go there.

I rationalise everything. Why Does this happen? Why Doesn't this happen? There's a reason. Always, there's a reason. It's just whether I can fathom it. I don't know why I do it, but I do.

Have I ever fallen in love? No. Fall doesn't describe it. I can't do falling. I do it too much physically to allow it emotionally. Have I ever liked someone enough to consider allowing myself to Grow into loving him? Yes. Once. How'd I like it? Figured out after 4 years, he ain't worth jack. Move on.

What did I learn? If a guy doesn't bother explaining to you what he thinks and feels about you, don't waste your time. Go on with your life and spread your wings. Learn how to fly. Always depend on yourself. Men come. Men go. If you want to stay where you want to stay, learn to leave a mark. Your own.

If a man doesn't know how to tell you how he feels, run. Unless you want to be with a boy. If you don't, find things to do with yourself and your time. Have a life of your own. Love yourself first, because a man isn't going to do it for you if you don't do it for yourself. There's a huge difference between men and boys.

If a man isn't going to stay, he isn't going to stay. Whine, whinge, threaten suicide, get pregnant, throw a tantrum, get bipolar and manic depressive, it won't make a bloody difference. What do you want? A man who loves you wholeheartedly, for who you are, and who you can be, or a shell which is only there because you want him there? Do you want to be making love to a shadow who's there physically on your demand, but committing, repeatedly, emotional infidelity, or someone who loves you, faithfully, desperately, adoringly?

I want a man who would love me like that: faithfully, desperately, adoringly.
Any other way is no way. Because I would respond in kind. I know I could. And I know I would.

Take me as I am, or not at all.

So I didn't make him stay.
I walked away.

If his heart wasn't in me, I didn't want him faking something that isn't real.

No regrets except one.

The friendship died with it. I could no longer even trust him as a friend. It was pointless.

But I no longer had a nagging doubt, a burden.

It was a major relief.

I just wonder why, history keeps repeating itself.

How many trials by fire must I go through before I've compensated for all my sins? How long more before I could finally have someone make me smile, rather than try to make someone else smile at my expense?

Trials by fire. I've had enough.

eeeekkkkk....

eeeekkkkk....

Someone asked me if I wanted anything sexy from Thailand. LoL...

Which reminded me that I can't use anything with rubber/ silicone on it. I'm allergic. Some of La Senza's most beautiful bras and stockings I can only look at with longing, because those nasty things give me horrid allergies.

Red, hot, itchy, painful, swollen blisters. Disgusting!

or... in the words of my new housemates....: (in Mandarin, that sounds more or less like this) Hen Er-sing!!

:P

Which makes me wonder: If it's rubber/ silicone.... doesn't that mean I'd be allergic to condoms, too? That's bad, right?

Only one other person I know who's allergic to condoms. This nurse where I used to work. I've never known anyone else. Now I really don't know or remember why she told me that, so don't ask. Then again, an appropriate answer might be just that nothing's sacred in the medical profession. They have talked about bottles in anuses and vaginas too. Apparently, you shouldn't stick a bottle a certain way in. It causes damage that way.

Another to add to my list of weirdness in 6 forms, I guess?

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