Saturday, March 31, 2007

Juvenile Poetry on a Shopping Spree

Juvenile Poetry on a Shopping Spree

Saturday, 31.03.2007. 0219 hours.

Shopping and having iced chocolate at Dome,
Though I have a full wardrobe sitting at home.

People constantly wonder why I bother,
I always buy the same things, over and over.

Vicious cycle, similar cut,
And I wonder why I'm stuck in a rut.

I choose fashion over style,
What I get is a dose of bile.

I make a mad dash for the latest bandwagon 'thing',
I flounce and prance and think it's so the 'Bling!'

The colours stun, but the cut does not,
I throw it on and call it hot!

I talk the talk, I walk the walk,
While inside, I'm fragile like chalk.

The grey of the piece obviously don't flatter,
Yet I simply refuse to choose something better.

I care not for taste, I care not for class,
Does it surprise you my choice is so crass?

About time I stopped this catwalk disaster,
Lest I be the next annual source of laughter.

**Performs designer bow and exaunts to: 'I'm too sexxxyyyy.....'**

Nostalgia and a Former Student

Nostalgia and a Former Student

Saturday, 31.03.2007. 0130hours.

A former student of mine is gonna go to Columbia to do some goodness-knows-what engineering or other (sorry, Manda, it's just totally beyond my biological ken) and I just found out today when she told me to go read her blog =) Well.... Congrats, Manda! Very well done.

I'm old. SOOOOOOOooooooo OLD. When I taught her, I was a fresh-faced 20 year old just out of Form 6. They thought I looked 16. They knew my friends, or acquaintances from my batch. So-and-so's brother. So-and-so's sister.

Now she's entering uni. And I'm old. Now I know why I don't want to be a teacher. You're reminded annually of how old you are.

I would never have thought I'd be where I am, would've seen what I have, would've gone through the things I've gone through. Would've held on so long. Or lost so much. Would've been here now. Right here. Right now. Would've been so blessed. Would've been so hurt.

I could never imagine.

I've grown so much, so quickly. I am no longer the fresh-faced Ms. *****. Could never go back to that.

How things have changed. And yet how they've stayed the same.

Was it worth it? The steep, painful, pivotal learning curve since 2001? I hope so. Dare I think so? YES.

2 years from now, I'd be making this very selfsame assessment of how I am now.

Everything happens for a reason. It has to.

I have to stop mourning, and start living. Relapses are common, but the effort to overcome it shouldn't be futile.

Life is after all, precious. And time is so short. And unlike Agent 007, I only have one shot at it =). Life is unfair, too, but so's a lot of the best things in life.

p/s: Love ya, Manda! Congrats! Your Form 1 BM teacher who loves men with great bods is awfully proud of you! Hugs!!

p/p/s: No angpaos for you and 1A1 2001 (if you bring the truckload of kiddos) when you visit unless you find me an able-bodied Yankee hunk to marry :P and have dark-haired blue-eyed cherubs with. No blonds, thank you. :D Cikgu tak minat budaya kuning... Hehe....



Monday, 26.03.2007. 1132 hours.

I endorse:

Pan's Labyrinth.

Fantastic scriptwriting, wonderful directing, excellent acting.

Not much eye-candy, but here it's a matter of quality over box office power.

It's in Spanish, though, be warned.

It's about the Spanish Civil War seen through the eyes of a child, and she learns to cope with the brutality and ugliness of war and fascism through fantasy.

The parallel lines of reality and fantasy is beautifully interwoven in this dark adult fantasy.

The director manages to show the analogy well, the 2 stories seem to weave seamlessly together.

There is no fairy-tale ending to this fantasy, however. The fantasy world is portrayed to be as frightening and cruel as reality, and the final collision between the two worlds, for me, is nothing less than explosive.

Verdict? Dark, depressing, but one of the best movies I've watched in the past half decade. A fantasy not meant for children.

I recommend it highly. 'Nuff said.


a) Blood, Gore, Violence, War, Adrenaline.
b) Tits, Barely covered pussies, Hunky, sweaty men with tight 6-pack abs running around in loincloth, Women artfully draped in barely there clothes, Sex, Adrenaline.
c) Angry monsters charging around . Adrenaline.
d) Politics and Strategical games. Racism and Sexism. Adrenaline.

What more reason to watch a movie?

No wonder it was rated 18PL.

You want a brainless show that gets your blood pumping? Watch this.

I only wonder why so much girl-on-girl action was allowed to pass the tight-assed holes of the censors, though, when they obviously cut the scene between the king and queen. Good Lord, the women were giving each other cunnilingus one on top of the other!! Maybe they thought girl-on-girl doesn't constitute sex :P

The kind of people who are running this place and being our moral police? I won't be surprised. I wonder if anyone has ever given any of them an IQ or EQ Test? Hmmmm....

And then there was the scene of the intoxicated girl in sheer, white, diaphanous, just-about-to-fall-off-anytime-and-show-my-good-bits cloth dancing in a trance with her nipples hardening under that sheet?

Hell, SHE made ME hot. I wouldn't believe none of the dicks in the cinema didn't go stiff. If I had a dick, I'd get a boner, too.

Wa-lao-eh, seriously brainless entertainment. Go watch it if you want to let off, uhhh.... steam (pun intended)

On another note, I made my usual no-holds-barred, shocking statements to Tracy over dinner, and she didn't bat an eyelash. Sigh.

When I commented on that, she says she's so used to it, it ain't shocking anymore. Damn.... my friends know me too well liao.

So I said maybe next time, I should say: I wanna be a Nun.

To which the b**** replied: Now THAT would be a shocker.....

Hmmm.... No one believes I am an angel under wraps no more? I should give my best Kristin Kreuk impersonation some day.

The other day, the very same b**** said I have a 'PSEUDO-innocent' look. What the hell is a pseudo-innocent look? GEEZ-us!!

Now here's an interesting anecdote: My boss thinks I'm a good, Catholic girl ;)

*sticks out tongue at Tracy*

Growing Up and KB

Growing Up, Things and KB

Monday, 26.03.2007. 2138 hours.

The only thing, I find, that's good about growing up and growing old is, if one can afford it, sophistication.

And the graciousness it affords you. Which is why I find it double the tragedy, if an older person has not the graciousness, to forgive the follies of youth.

That is the luxury of maturity.

I visited KB on Friday. It's a sleepy, quaint town. The people are extremely laid-back, they seem to take everything easy.

It was a Friday, though, and being the Bandar Raya Islam that it is, everything was shut down. Nothing appears to be open. There goes my chance for 'nasi dagang' or 'nasi daghe' as the locals call it, or 'nasi kerabu'. *sniffs*

Oh well, I managed to buy some kain batik and made me a nyonya kebaya... with a kebaya top made of authentic kain kasa rubia. Not sure if I was being slaughtered for the RM100 it cost me for a set, but I liked it.

White top with colourful embroidery, black and white batik sarong of polyester. And another green cotton batik sarong for RM7 :) Tailoring would not cost me more than RM50. Which is half the KL price for nyonya kebaya tailoring. CHUH!

Tracy and my Turtle friend has been harping for me to get a camphone. The former, cos, well, she's a techie geek, and she just wants to go camphone shopping with me (some things NEVER change) so she can go all starry-eyed and drooly. Whilst the latter wants me to get that so I could take pics of my HAWT chick friends for him to check out in the privacy of his shell. Cheh! :P

But anyway, I figured it might be high time I upgraded myself and be a little more tech-savvy and get me a camphone. We'll see. I can see some of my blogger friends cheering now cos it'll also mean pics/ photo-blogging. WAHAHA!! Unfortunately, dears, for me, blogging is more of an online journal than a photo album, so nemesis-on-fire's format will not really change with that decision.

I give myself 3 months to get that phone. I just MIGHT opt for a digicam or scuba-diving lessons instead :P Or a guitar, and guitaar lessons with that cute boy I saw in Midvalley ;) He's got that tortured artist look I kinda fancy right now... Hmmmm :P

Btw, I'm liking my job. Long, inconsistent hours sometimes, but interesting. How odd, since it has nothing to do with my chosen field of study. Does this mean my palmist friend is right, and in my early 30s I'll be carrying several jobs at once?

I don't know... She also said I'd marry at 29.....



Been too busy to visit other ppl's blog, but anyway, just found out i was tagged by Yerdeh.

My weirdness in 6 forms.... (ARE U SURE U WANNA KNOW?)

1) I am weird. 'Nuff said. Ask any of my friends, they'd tell u. My close friends would use to just say my name as being an explanation for my weirdness in itself.

2) I couldn't tell if a guy fancied me for nuts. Maybe I'm better now. But I still don't take myself seriously enough to bother finding out. Buddy syndrome, some call it. I attribute it to a lifetime of having guys around me. From cuzzies to friends. Some say a man's way of saying he fancies a girl is plenty of good natured teasing. Well, hell, I'm pretty sure none of my much older cuzzies fancy me. So there.

3) I talk to myself. I perform soliloquys in my own head to work through my problems/ issues/ etc. to obtain a solution. And quite often I do. I think I'm schizo, but anyway.

4) I was given a cactus in uni by a friend. I was in 2nd year. He bought it for me at the Pesta Konvo. He said it was the one plant that personified me. Reason: It's thorny. Anyway, I was staying in a single room, and I mostly kept to myself, so to work through my shit and all (RE.: 3)), I talked to it. It died by 6th sem (Final year). Hmmmm.....

5) In 6th Form, the guys equated girls to Cars and Fishes. My guy friends confessed this to me. I don't know what car they considered me to be, but I was called a 'seahorse'. Reason: I live in deep waters, and am hard to catch. Not many fishermen would look for seahorses. My take? Well, suckers, seahorses are fucking pricey, and have medicinal properties, too. MUAHAHAHAA.... Oh, and years later, I forgot who went to Langkawi and got me a keychain made of shell in the shape of a seahorse. Can't quite remember who, but I know for damn sure the person doesn't know this little story. When I received it, I burst out laughing :)

6) I ate 2 Burger King Whopper Burgers (think it was set, too) in one sitting. I have witnesses. They still talk about it to this day. You wonder why they call me MAMAM munsta? :D In first year, I ate two plates of Nasi Goreng Kampung. In 4th college's canteen. I polished a plate, sat a while, considered the fact that I was hungry still, got up, and got me another plate. The group of boys (who were my collegemates) sitting at the table next to mine stared. After that, they went (in Mandarin): WAHHHH, you eat a LOT, hor? Me: Yup. Hungry. Oh, btw, reason I ate the same thing was cos all the other food at that godforsaken place was damn near inedible. It was the nicest thing on the menu.

7) Lots more weird stories. Just ask my buddies. Think Brenda blogged about some of my eccentricities before :P Need not repeat it here.

6 people I tag:

a) (since u so free at work :P)
b) (I DON'T CARE! Med student or no! :D)
c) (U TOO. Take time off from ur horrible essays and do this :) U was supposed to visit me :P)
d) (tag tag tag... lalalala...)
e) (play this new game, dude. Stop the boardgames awhile :D)
f) (I is EVIL. No new photos, no new posts. SO bloody POST!)

Just in case Miao is free, I want this just-a-tad-skanky self-proclaimed Malaysian Bridget Jones to do this, too :)
g) (MUAXXX... we go holiday soon, k? Don't shoot anyone out of stress yet. We'll turn Manukan Island on its head with white bikinis and all :P Must put that white bikini I got to good use ;))

**Each player of this game starts off by giving 6 weird things about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in the blog of their own 6 weird thing as well as state the rules clearly. In the end you need to choose 6 ppl to be tagged and list their names. After you do that , leave them each a comment letting them know you tagged them and to read your blog.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

what hurts the most

what hurts the most?

what hurts the most?
what is it that i mourn for?
it's the loss of innocence that i mourn
what was taken so rudely from me
with little tenderness
and no regard for how i'd feel
that's what i mourn
that's what hurts the most.

how else can i express it?
words aren't enough at all

the fever

the fever

been sick these past few days.

woke up last night sweating, in a feverish stupor. disoriented. with a hollow feeling in my chest.

i should have gotten over him by now. why the dreams now? i thought i had put him out of my mind.

and i think i have a certain amount of success with that. conscious, contrived effort to push memories out.

there are things i've forgotten. things i used to remember without much effort which i've now forgotten.

maybe it's working...

then why? so many months, with some success, and suddenly a relapse. it's such a blow.

it's a sucker punch to my gut.

it makes me wonder whether i could look at him if i meet him somewhere by chance someday.

not yet. i don't think i could, as yet.

i hope he never finds out what he did to me. what he still does.

i don't want him to ever know.

let him always think of me as cold and sharp.

better that than this. this humiliates me.

it cuts too deep. it still cuts too deep.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

opposite attraction

opposite attraction

lettrespourmoi wrote about this. She wonders if opposites do attract, and if the attraction lasts long enough to work.

My take?

I think:

Opposites DO attract, but like must marry like or there shall be no happiness.

Reason being:

You need enough differences so you don't get bored with each other after awhile. The appeal of barnacle-clinging only lasts SO long.

Each needs to develop interests apart and independent of each other to add more value into the relationship and to keep the spark alive.

Each partner would need to learn from each other. And why not? We learn new things everyday. Who better to learn from than someone you cherish and care about? Than the person you wake up with every morning, and go to bed with each night?

If both partners do everything together all the time, you'd learn nothing new from each other. And you'd get terribly bored.

The human attention span, unlike diamonds, isn't forever.

That's when you start seeking entertainment outside.

But you need enough similarities at core level to understand where the other is coming from, and to connect with each other.

Too different, and you won't know what the other is talking about.

Just look at the animal kingdom, and you won't find a horse mating with a rabbit. Although both are, by human definition, associated with sex. 'Hung like a horse, fuck like rabbits. '

If you live in two different dimensions, and share nothing in common, apart from, maybe, good looks, or not-so-good looks, how are you going to connect with each other on an emotional level? I'm not talking about the obvious.

Sex is sex, emotional connection is another thing altogether. The sex will fade, and what's there left after that's gone?

What I think is that one has to strike a healthy balance between the two. After all, moderation is always the key.



It's been quite a lousy morning thus far.

First, I couldn't sleep last night. Then it rained cows and buffaloes... which continued to the morning. Rain like that at night is lovely, or on a lazy Sunday morning. It's even better if you have someone to share it with. Hot tea and cuddles. But I don't. And on a work morning, with no transportation? It fucking SUX, man.

Then, when I finally dragged myself out of bed, all groggy and set for work, the heater fucked up on me. WTF?! I had to set and reset it 5 times to get it working again. *groan...* The minutes ticked by quickly.

Walking to the LRT station, and again, there were horny guys (THAT early on a Tuesday morning.... I wanted to strangle all of 'em) giving me their usual whatchamacallit. Gah...! Dudes, I don't care. I'm not ur honey, and u chose a really lousy day to make passes >:(

I nearly missed the train. Thank God I didn't.

My shoe broke while walking from the station to work :( One of my favourite pairs. The one given to me 'cos I was a good girl. When I WAS a good girl. Now THAT really sucks. I had to walk at a funny, painful angle. Now what? I dunno. I hope there's a cobbler around somewhere. Please, the Powers That Be, don't fuck around with me today.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007



Life. It's all about choices.

How do I know I'm making the right ones?

Is this the right job for me? Is he worth spending my time with? Should I continue what I've started, or should I just stop?

They say everything happens for a reason.
Does it? What's the point? What purpose could it possibly serve?

I think I'm burning out.

Perhaps I should stop fighting and start drifting. Would I have it easier if I did? Easy sounds so tempting right now.

Monday, March 05, 2007

High-risk females

High risk females

I find the political reaction to this issue amazing. Really, you know, if you don't want to hear the answers, then don't ask the question.

What did the Selangor government expect, asking for a report on sexual prevalence among high-risk female secondary school students?

What about MALE secondary school students, then? Why the sexism? But I digress.

Instead of trying to find focussed, effective, positive measures to handle/ rectify such moral decadence, they are arguing about the methodology of the survey, it's limitations, or whether it is a measure of the cross-section of Malaysian youths.

What does Nemesis say?
What a bloody waste of time.

Don't do a survey if you don't like the possible outcome.

Really now. I think Malaysian holier-than-thou attitude is causing our country to regress rather than progress. A far more shocking survey was recently conducted in Britain, the results of which shows that Briton youths have sex without much knowledge of the consequences of sex. And it's not private knowledge that Britons have sex young.

No, I am not advocating having sex at a young age, I am saying that such surveys are meant to be taken more positively. It goes to show that you can't repress either information, technology or biology.

Did Malaysia really think that our youths are purer than snow? When I was a teacher in an all-girls' school, I have had a 14-year-old student who had had an abortion 3 times. Her boyfriend was much older, and obviously both were very horny. That was in 2001. We turn a blind eye to adolescent deliquency, and especially sexual and reproductive health issues. We pretend it's not happening in this country. We hush any report, or any forum on such issues, taking a ridiculous religious bent.

Oh My God... see where it's taking us? Our youths have no idea how ot deal with sexual emotions in a mature and positive way. Women, naturally being viewed in a more negative light in this country, become victims of passion. Their own, as well as that of men.

Yes, religion has plenty to say about sex. But sexual education is equally important in a world where biology meets religion and career development. Women are getting married later, having babies even later, but having sex earlier. And why not? What with rising toll and petrol prices, and the inflation that ensues such hikes, babies are expensive to bring up.

How 2 people want to live their lives is really up to them. What I want to say is: Allow our youths the benefit of the doubt that they have enough Intelligence to make INFORMED decisions. Give them the facts. Give them the moral bent, the pros and cons of carnal pleasures, the ways to protect themselves. Malaysian youths might surprise you yet.

I had a doctor who told me: I have 3 sons. I tell them about sex from an early age. But I also tell them, "That's someone's daughter you're playing around with. Make sure both of you know what you're doing. And I'd rather you do things at home, than in some obscure place where you might get robbed and murdered. God gave you a brain. Use it." So far, my sons have yet to disappoint me.

THAT is precisely what I meant.

Isn't that so much better than moral policing and constantly spying on fellow Malaysians for the unholy glee of catching them doing something wrong?

Grow up. There's a lot of ugliness out there. How you handle them is what makes it beautiful.