social equality vs romance

social equality vs romance

Don't read this if you don't want to read another rant. A guy friend of mine says I should learn to do the asking, if I were interested in a guy. Meaning, I should be telling him: 'I like you.' Because he won't answer me if I ask: 'Do you like me?' Why? Because I'm being a sexist if I want him to do the asking. If we women fight for social equality, then it should extend to relationships, and we should also start doing the asking. Right...

I know Savante has written about the double standards of social equality before, I think I read it in one of his archives, but here's from a woman's P.O.V.

I think everything in life, like the ultrasound system, is seen in grayscale. Nothing's black and white. The lines are blurred because it's the only way it could work. But we try to make it as fair as we possibly can.

But when it comes to romance, it's a little different. Women like being nurtured, and courted and wooed. Even the most hardened feminist among us. Women like romance, you know? And to feel like a woman. I know it's sad now when chivalry has died, but it's nice to meet a man who knows how to make you feel like a woman for once.

I wondered if I was the only freak out there who likes a man to do the asking, and so I asked a friend of mine in a happy relationship, who's as ambitious and feminist as they come on msn. Here's the conversation:

*names have been changed to protect privacy

NoF says:
lemme ask u something. do u think a guy should speak first, or the girl, if they both seem to like each other?
NoF says:
well, u know?
NoF says:
did u tell ur bf u liked him first?
A says:
eh... i dunno.. i'm not one for words
A says:
so it's like, i saw that he was always calling me, then touching my hair, so i knew la
A says:
he told me because he got cornered by my friend who was tired of watching us tiptoe-ing around each other
NoF says:
but would u tell a guy?
NoF says:
cos i wouldnt. n a guy friend said i was hypocritical about social equality
A says:
hahahah well lemme think
A says:
hmm nope
A says:
i might be more touchy feely tho
NoF says:
i think this is different, u know?
NoF says:
social equality is one thing
NoF says:
romance is another
NoF says:
it's NICE to know a guy LIKES u ENOUGH to try to make that EFFORT, dammit
NoF says:
so fine, i'm a social hypocrite. but i want it, i expect it, n i like it like that. is that so wrong? let's call it a preference
A says:
heheheh who's making u so frustrated la
NoF says:
ahhh.. this guy friend of mine is asking me why i wouldnt make the first move
A says:
ohhh... ceh tell him u only date men with balls to pursue the girl... hurhur
NoF says:
it's nothing about social equality
NoF says:
X is as ambitious as they come
NoF says:
but she'd like Y to buy her flowers and court her nicely, wouldn't she?
A says:
yes i should think so
NoF says:
ur bf buys u ****** (gadgety stuff la), but u WOULD like that yucky-sweet heart shaped pendant studded with cubic zirconia
NoF says:
even IF it was JUST stainless steel and cubic zirconia
NoF says:
sighs.. men. they can be SO DUMB DUMB
A says:
hahahaha well i've resigned myself to the fact that my bf is not a romantic
A says:
i know.. bet u my next present will be a toaster
NoF says:
nvm next time i see it, i'd tell him: B, BUY THAT FOR A. she'd jump ur bones
NoF says:
:P
NoF says:
yeah, tell him BUY, u wont regret it. sex whole night long :P
A says:
hehehehe no need la.. i'm happy enough that he opens the car door for me
A says:
and asks me in a mock serious tone whether he needs to warm the seat first
NoF says:
err.. but if he really does buy, u really have to give him sex all night long or he'll have my neck: NoF! U CHEAT MY MARNEE!!
NoF says:
hehhe
NoF says:
well ya
NoF says:
u can just say: gimme money for my next bday
NoF says:
i buy my own pressie :P
A says:
heheheheheh u silly
NoF says:
social equality! gawd.. i wanted to strangle him. of course i dont expect men to pay for every meal, they'd go broke
NoF says:
but it's nice to offer, right?
A says:
yup
A says:
very rare la nowadays
NoF says:
ya
NoF says:
social equality
NoF says:
if all women really advocated social equality
NoF says:
sleep around like no tomorrow
NoF says:
decide one morning to be mothers and just go for IVFs rather than look for husbands
NoF says:
i'll see how they LIKE social equality
A says:
hahahah NoF u're really pissed!
NoF says:
wahliew.. in relationships got social equality
NoF says:
but in workplace dun have lah
NoF says:
kanineh man
NoF says:
on the roads no lah
NoF says:
stupid driver: MUST be WOMAN
NoF says:
lousy boss: MUST be WOMAN. thieww
A says:
but it's good in some ways.. we control them by pretending to be stupid lil weaklings so they have to do everything ;)
NoF says:
not if u got urself a social equality kinda man, nope
NoF says:
woman do the chasing
NoF says:
woman do the asking
NoF says:
woman do the talking
NoF says:
woman do the cleaning
NoF says:
woman do the working
NoF says:
woman do the childbearing
A says:
bleh then don't date these kinda ppl lor
NoF says:
like i said. i might as well get me a huge ass dildo and an IVF baby
NoF says:
i think, dear.
NoF says:
social equality isn't about same-ness
NoF says:
it's about choice
NoF says:
the choice to have children or not
NoF says:
the choice to live or die (as in euthanasia)
NoF says:
whether or not we condone it
NoF says:
it's a choice open for us
NoF says:
not to be misused in that way
A says:
yes it is, well said hon
NoF says:
the choice for men to stay at home n be househusbands if both parties agree to it
NoF says:
its the blurring of traditional gender roles. n the choice to be different
NoF says:
sighs..
NoF says:
i'm disappointed
A says:
*hugs* dun get upset
A says:
distract urself with thoughts of hugging little doggies
A says:
i gtg k? balik liaoooo
NoF says:
bye!

Was I wrong? Am I wrong? I think Germain Greer would say that women are sometimes getting the shorter end of the stick nowadays. But that's what I honestly feel.

I'm disappointed.

If women were to really advocate social equality and behave the way men do, and, like Renee Zellweger's famour character in Down With Love, have sex a la carte, and have IVF babies when they want to be mothers without bothering with a husband, use a dildo for battery-powered sexual satisfaction, go and get a man when they want the occasional human vibrator, and toss him out once he's done his job before the night is out, I don't think men would be too happy. But for most women, it's a rather cold existence. Although it's a tempting prospect if men start getting too full of themselves and start taking women for granted.

I think there's a lot to be said for a woman's lot in life. And yet, men and women should learn how to compromise and complement one another.

I do think social equality is about choice. Not about same-ness. We can't be the same as men. We're physically different. Biologically different. Mentally different. Emotionally different. But it doesn't mean we're unequal. A man is made to fit a woman, just as a woman is made to fit a man. Why is that so hard to comprehend?

Social equality is about choice. It's about the choice and the chance to make difficult decisions without persecution and stigma. It's about basic human rights. It's about the choice to work so that there would be enough food to feed a family. It's about choice to NOT work if you want to and have the money. It's about choice to have children if you want them and can afford to feed them. It's about choice to NOT have children if you don't want them and cannot afford to keep them, or if they would be better off dead than alive. It's about choice to move about freely. It's about choice to live or die. It's about choices. Whether or not we condone it. But at least it's there when the decision is upon us. It's about the blurring of traditional gender roles, because we can, and because it's ok to. It's about freedom to be different. It's about freedom. Period.

It's NOT to be misused to get what we want, or what we think we want. It's NOT about forcing someone to do something they don't want to because they feel compelled to in the name of equality. That's emotional blackmail. That's no longer choice. And it's no longer freedom.

I WANT to be courted gently. I WANT to be asked nicely. I WANT to keep my virginity till the right man comes along. I WANT trust and respect and communication. It's my CHOICE. It's my FREEDOM. And I invoke that RIGHT under social equality. And if a man got no balls enough to tell me he likes me and to ask me out on a nice date, then well, maybe I shouldn't be kissing him in the first place now, should I? Time to get that curved, ribbed, huge ass dildo and to put my name up for IVF. That way at least I can be a mother, even if I can't be a wife. And maybe, if I get a son, I can teach him how to treat women right, and how to have some old-school charm.