Everytime I see you falling....

It's been a long long time since I felt like this. Well, maybe not that long. A year, perhaps?

I feel like turning off my phone, rid myself of all communication, take a long long drive somewhere away from people and just watch the sea. Or the mountains. Or the rivers.

Maybe even take a flight back to my hometown, just to sleep in my own bed. And watch the rambutan tree outside, with the carefree birds chirping in it. But then again, my parents would question me.

And what is there for me to say?

I feel sad. And torn. I wonder why so many things elude me. And opening up the gates to past experiences also mean reopening old wounds. And the resignation that comes with it.

And not being able to speak out about things that matter to the one that matters just adds to the resignation that I may have to choose solitude after all.

It's been raining more on than off for the past 2 days. Most days I love the rain. I do too, today. But it's also not helping with the mood. The heavy rain just feels like sorrow.

Spoke to spuddie the other day. And it felt good to talk to someone who understands without having to say much. Perhaps because it's been there done that for spud.

Sigh.

Why can't things be just a little simpler? For once? Too many trials by fire would have one combust sooner or later.

Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You say the words that I can't say

New Order -- Bizarre Love Triangle

Don't ask me why but I've always loved this song.