Losing my Connection
Losing my Connection
It's been said that if you love something/ someone, let it go, and if it comes back to you, it's yours. I don't know if it's true. What I do know is that it's pointless holding on to something/ someone that doesn't a) belong to you, b) want to be yours. What I do know, also, is that life is precious, and that time is short, and we should live life to the hilt whilst we can. Carpe Diem, Carpe Noctum! :) Easier said than done, no?
There are so many restrictions. Physical, emotional, psychological. There are so many voices in my head, sometimes I do not know who to listen to. One pulling me this way, another pulling me that way. There are days I wish I were the Indian goddess with a thousand hands. Other days I wish I had the power of omnipresence. But I don't, I am but human after all. And I make do.
Funny the twists and turns of life. Funny how you wish you could run away from your past, but it always catches up with you. Funny how you try to change yourself, but in the end, your essence remains the same, and you are still who you always were, and always will be. And how your closest friends could sometimes know you better than you know yourself. And how sometimes the people you just met could read you better than you'd like. And how you can't outrun yourself. Or lie to yourself. Funny how there are things you wish you could forget, and you thought you had put them behind you, buried deeply in the darkest recesses of your mind, in a proverbial oak trunk whose key you thought you had tossed down the proverbial Marina Trench, but drat that trigger-memory, because somehow, somewhere, something, sometime, they would come back to haunt you. The people you chose, the decisions you made, the path not taken... 'What if..', 'If only..'. These are the most painful phrases in the English language. Life throws us curve balls. How do we know we are making the right choices when it does?
And funny how you meet the people you thought you'd never meet again/ perhaps you wish you'd never meet again under the strangest of circumstances. What are the chances? What's the probability? In a train station, when the person normally drives. In a church, in the very pew you are sitting on, on your first day there, when you normally don't go to church, and the person, if you remember right, wasn't much of a church person either. In a mamak, with your friends. At work, in an industry so different from which either of you trained for. At a music festival. Walking home through a park, and the person was jogging. In a shopping complex. Is this place getting too close for comfort? Some reacquaintances are delightful, some are not.
Ghosts from the past. Would there be apparitions from the future? Deja vu.
Funny, too, how prayers are answered. I do believe God answers all my prayers. In His own way, in His own time. Perhaps not how I wish it to be, but in a way that makes me stronger. I have to remind myself always: do we pray because we want something, out of selfish reasons, as a means to obtain what we want, or do we pray because it's God's will we're seeking to fulfil? Filial trust. All faith is blind, therefore, it's important to choose wisely in whom to place one's faith. Am I wrong? I do not know. Someday I'll find out.
I miss my internet connection. It's the one thing linking me to human civilisation, sometimes :) Since I must make use of the Internet when I can, and be thankful of what I have when I have it, I shall blog when I can :) My blog-draught is semi-over :P No daily blogging, though. I shall blog when I have the chance, and when I damn well please :D
Doggie pictures not here. Will post it up when I can :)
It's been said that if you love something/ someone, let it go, and if it comes back to you, it's yours. I don't know if it's true. What I do know is that it's pointless holding on to something/ someone that doesn't a) belong to you, b) want to be yours. What I do know, also, is that life is precious, and that time is short, and we should live life to the hilt whilst we can. Carpe Diem, Carpe Noctum! :) Easier said than done, no?
There are so many restrictions. Physical, emotional, psychological. There are so many voices in my head, sometimes I do not know who to listen to. One pulling me this way, another pulling me that way. There are days I wish I were the Indian goddess with a thousand hands. Other days I wish I had the power of omnipresence. But I don't, I am but human after all. And I make do.
Funny the twists and turns of life. Funny how you wish you could run away from your past, but it always catches up with you. Funny how you try to change yourself, but in the end, your essence remains the same, and you are still who you always were, and always will be. And how your closest friends could sometimes know you better than you know yourself. And how sometimes the people you just met could read you better than you'd like. And how you can't outrun yourself. Or lie to yourself. Funny how there are things you wish you could forget, and you thought you had put them behind you, buried deeply in the darkest recesses of your mind, in a proverbial oak trunk whose key you thought you had tossed down the proverbial Marina Trench, but drat that trigger-memory, because somehow, somewhere, something, sometime, they would come back to haunt you. The people you chose, the decisions you made, the path not taken... 'What if..', 'If only..'. These are the most painful phrases in the English language. Life throws us curve balls. How do we know we are making the right choices when it does?
And funny how you meet the people you thought you'd never meet again/ perhaps you wish you'd never meet again under the strangest of circumstances. What are the chances? What's the probability? In a train station, when the person normally drives. In a church, in the very pew you are sitting on, on your first day there, when you normally don't go to church, and the person, if you remember right, wasn't much of a church person either. In a mamak, with your friends. At work, in an industry so different from which either of you trained for. At a music festival. Walking home through a park, and the person was jogging. In a shopping complex. Is this place getting too close for comfort? Some reacquaintances are delightful, some are not.
Ghosts from the past. Would there be apparitions from the future? Deja vu.
Funny, too, how prayers are answered. I do believe God answers all my prayers. In His own way, in His own time. Perhaps not how I wish it to be, but in a way that makes me stronger. I have to remind myself always: do we pray because we want something, out of selfish reasons, as a means to obtain what we want, or do we pray because it's God's will we're seeking to fulfil? Filial trust. All faith is blind, therefore, it's important to choose wisely in whom to place one's faith. Am I wrong? I do not know. Someday I'll find out.
I miss my internet connection. It's the one thing linking me to human civilisation, sometimes :) Since I must make use of the Internet when I can, and be thankful of what I have when I have it, I shall blog when I can :) My blog-draught is semi-over :P No daily blogging, though. I shall blog when I have the chance, and when I damn well please :D
Doggie pictures not here. Will post it up when I can :)
4 comments:
welcome back dude :)
oi... bila mau gi menari ni... ^_^
-Jason
"What I do know is that it's pointless holding on to something/ someone that doesn't a) belong to you, b) want to be yours. "
If I really wanted that something or someone, I would try to do what is necessary to myself in order to hold on to that something or someone. E.g. if not rich enough, work harder. If not considerate enough, be more considerate. But if that doesn't work, then for the sake of both sides, must learn when enough is enough and its time to cut the losses for both sides and not impinge on their life anymore and move on. So, agree with you.
"What I do know, also, is that life is precious, and that time is short, and we should live life to the hilt whilst we can. Carpe Diem, Carpe Noctum! :) Easier said than done, no?"
Yes. Completely agree with you. While I would love to be somewhere else doing something else, the fact is I am here doing this (don't literally mean RIGHT HERE TYPING THIS RIGHT NOW) because the reality is, there is a v good reason why I am here now doing what I am doing. There better be, or else I am an idiot.
"It's been said that if you love something/ someone, let it go, and if it comes back to you, it's yours. I don't know if it's true."
To a certain extent, agree. But to certain extent, disagree. If something has been let go of, and it comes back to you, then it is yours. Fair enough. But "if you love something/ someone, let it go" seems too risky for me. No. I am not that brave. If I want someone, I must do what is necessary to make that someone want me in return. And when I have her, I must not let go. Why the hell for? Just to see if she is really mine? Is that worth it? People say you let go and if they don't return, they would probably have left anyway. Well, chances are higher they would not come back if you let em go. Why take that chance? This only works if the girl is not really worth it in the first place, never really liked u, or, u have severe self esteem issues. I don't know on this one. Jury's still out. Big can of worms, huge topic. Conclusion: Completely agree - again.
Dang.. stop hitting the nails on the head!
yerdeh: thanks :)
jason: saturday, saturday. but i've been out of clubbing scene so long, i no longer know where to go. HAHA...
curio: :) when i said let go, i didn't mean stop making an effort, it means allowing the freedom to make a choice. so if s/he chooses to leave, then s/he isn't urs, right? well, logic would tell me so :P then again, i think too damn much :P and probably don't feel enough :)
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