on a cold rainy morning

i'm thinking:

wet hummus on a cold heavily-raining morning smells delightful.

sometimes familiarity breeds contempt, as much as absence makes the heart grow fonder.

sometimes i just wanna be alone. just for awhile. just to discover who i am.

sometimes i hate being a woman. sometimes i wish i were a man.

sometimes i whine so much, i'm disgusted with me.

i need a holiday. badly.

soft light cotton against the skin feels so darn comfy.

i wanna stay in bed. and do things on 400-threadcount sheets. because it's cold. and it's so wet outside. and i'd rather, much rather stay home in bed where it's warm, and where dreams are made.

i think i need to get back to a place where i can see trees that grow naturally, not get planted to give the place an ornamental look. what's happened to a beauty that's wild and wildly natural? i crave for that.

i'm tired. of many many things. of this fragile glittery superficial place most of all. it makes me shallow. it changes me. what if i don't recognise myself anymore if i stay here too long?

i think too goddamn much. and i speak my mind too goddamn much. i should just shut the fuck up sometimes.

i think i'm pms-ing. :(

What the eyes cannot see....

Project came in just before I came back in to work.

The moment I came back, there's a whole lotta stuff to do.

Been working like a dog these past few days, get back from work late and exhausted trying to rush the deadline.

It's good in a way. Will be too tired to let my mind wander.

However, I've been wondering why I've been sick so often since I moved to my new room. After some long due cleaning up, I found the culprit.

Fungi.... Wood fungi. Sighs.....

Oh this is just great... to top off everything....

I hate the physical manifestations of the see-saw of my emotional state. It's more than my body can handle, sometimes.

First, the breakouts, which is caused by weeks of stress. Then the bleeding, which is bad, considering I actually suffer from low-blood pressure and mild anaemia. This would be 2-3 weeks after.

I need to clean the cobwebs in my closet like I clean my room...
I need to get ALL the poison out of my system..... But...., how?

Can I not care what happens? Should I think of just ME for once?

I abhor living a lie. I can't do it.

I abhor secrets. I'm not the type to hide....

So...

Pondering, pondering.....

What to do? What to do?

Dragonflies

Been seeing too many dragonflies of late. I walk out of the house, and I see a dragonfly. Whether the real thing, or a human interpretation of it.

I wonder what it means....

Not that I don't like dragonflies. I love them. Caught them as a child. Studied the different colours and intricacies of the wing patterns. Then I released them.

Yep! I is kampung girl. I could tell the difference between a male and female dragonfly as a girl. Not sure I remember how to now anymore, though.

Even as a 5-year-old, I loved Biology.

Had always preferred dragonflies to butterflies, for some reason. Perhaps I liked the fact that dragonflies seem to be able to move from water to air. It's as though they made something out of themselves from humble beginnings.

Never mind. I'm rambling. And beginning to sound even more like a madwoman than usual. :)

I'm not superstitious, or anything, but... there has been times in my life when a recurring event/object/creature means some Greater Power up there is trying to tell me something.

Dreams. Objects. Events. Form 5. Form 6. University. PG Dip. Now.

Dejavu.

I wonder what it means.

I really do think Someone's trying to tell me something. It's getting way too often to be ignored.

Should go and find out if dragonflies mean anything, and if they do, what they symbolise.

Sigh.... Now I sound even more insane than I already am. :P