Wednesday, September 20, 2006

blogging...

blogging...

I blog to remember. I blog so I don't ever forget. There was a time I used to write in journals on foolscape paper, to put my thoughts and emotions in writing. But I had to burn them before my mother reads the things that I write. She'd be frightened at how dark her daughter could be. And how menacing her daughter's thoughts sometimes were. Blogging affords that for me now. It's easier. It's cleaner. It's simpler. Although it's less private, and more open than I'd sometimes like it to be. I was linking my old blog to this one just now, and came across an entry titled simply: i won't-s and I thought, it's good to remember. It's good to re-affirm. So here are my i won't-s once again. How things have changed in a year. How they have not. And how time really flies...

i won't-s

i won't wait.
i won't quit. i've never been a quitter, and i won't be one now.
i won't hold my breath till i pass out.
i won't give the silent treatment either. that's the last option. i WILL walk away, though. nothing or no one is worth that much.
i won't cry. i was brought up a boy, and boys don't cry.
i won't force my opinions or thoughts down anyone's throat. u can take my point of view and use it to suit yourself. i'm not forcing it on you.
i won't lose my sense of humour. what's life without it?
i won't change my mind. because i made it exploring all my options. i know what i did, i know what i want.
i won't frustrate myself. at least, i hope i won't. and i know i have good friends out there who would keep me sane. thank you, lovelies.
i won't lose my concentration. i can't. i must get through this.
i won't lose my self-respect. please Lord, don't let me forget.
i won't lose my determination.
i won't forget my plans. i've got big ones. i must see them through.
i won't lose my pride. sometimes that keeps me going when all else fails.

i've got to go now.
~nemesis-on-fire, 22/09/2005, 1623 hrs~

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