Boyfriends, Men, Sex... and the 25-year-old virgin... :P
Boyfriends, Men, Sex... and the 25-year-old virgin... :P
A guy buddy of mine asked me over yumchar: So, why don't you have a boyfriend? and it took me a while to answer. It wasn't the first time I was asked that. I've been questioned about my status many times. And it's a little hard, at first, for friends who don't know me all my life to believe that I've never had a boyfriend before :P But back to the question, I couldn't quite pinpoint the answer, really. Not that I don't want one. I guess I'm just happy to be single, just as much as I would be happy to be part of a two-some. It's neither a luxury, nor a necessity. It just IS. I reckon I'm just... not really looking. Why should I? Why, should I?
He asked if it was out of bad experiences with men. Well, not at first. In the past two/ three years, yes. But it doesn't completely rule my judgment/ reaction to men. It was short, and painful. And it was enough. It's as though it was an intensive, crash (and burn) course to make up for all those years I live a ridiculously sheltered life. Nothing like a total jackass to get a girl to smarten up real quick. And so I did. It taught me to be warier. It taught me to second-guess. As though my already natural over-analysing wasn't enough.
I've always liked the male species, even when I was young. And no, that did not come with a sexual hint. That was pure innocent liking. At 4/ 5, boys may be gross, but very fun. They had such cool toys. Dolls bored me. Dresses were so so so inconvenient. Especially when it came to running around. Cars, trucks and robots were fascinating. I'd reverse-engineer them, and then try to reverse-engineer my doll to disastrous results. End result: my parents never bought me dolls ever again. So I never did have dolls. No loss there, really :P The imagination was the best-est friend ever. Except I knew my friends and the situations I played out in my own head weren't real. And of course, there were toy robots and machineries around... Who needs dolls?
How could boys not be fun? Then they grew up to be men. And they were still fun. Lame jokes. Slapstick humour. Sarcasm. Jolly good fun all around. Yes, I get teased all the time. But who cares? I give it back to them whenever I can. And they can take it in as good as they can dish it out. And they don't get offended. Unlike some girls I know.
I like the company of men. There's a straightforwardness in male company that is quite difficult to find in most of the female population, except some (and thank God, some of those are my girl pals) which is very refreshing. It's direct, and such directness I find inoffensive. There's a certain understanding. You don't touch certain topics. And if you do, don't get offended if I don't want to give an answer. Which is fine by me. There is no petulance. No silly emotional mind games. No beating around the bush. If you're a friend, you're a friend. If I don't like you, I don't like you.
That has been my experience growing up with a whole lot of much older boy cousins. And much of my friendship with men. So NO, I'm not a man-hater. How could I be? Far from it. I enjoy male company, and I believe everyone should have a healthy balance of male and female friends. I love my girl friends. But I appreciate having my guy friends, too. Having male friends gives a girl a different perspective. Men and women look at the world quite differently at times. And it's good to know both sides of the coin. So how could I be a man-hater? The two boys I went out with for yumchar are very nice (albeit annoying at times :D) and very fun (and funny) people. They're among my favourite people in the world. Not all men are jackasses. Though all men have the capability to be. Just as all men have the capability to be sweet.
Men. They come in many forms and functions. Some are shy. Some are corny. Some are arrogant pricks. Some are just pricks. Some are gentlemen. Some are bloody arseholes. Some others think they're God's gift to women. Some others use their position and their power to just take what they want. Some are unused to failure and are lousy losers. Some others know how to utilise a graceful retreat. I've met some of these. And I don't regret meeting anyone of them. Life is an on-going lesson. And there's something to be learnt for everyone and everything that came your way. Though I won't wish the worst power-hungry bastards I've ever met on any girl, even my worst enemies, I don't regret having met them. What's done is done and can't be undone. Live and let live, but take your lessons from life. There's no better way of learning anything.
The other guy asked me: But you keep saying you want to get laid...
Well, I do :P Don't you? ;) Doesn't mean I should just get laid with the first man who asks. My vagina is an important part of me, and is precious, you know...! :P
It's not that I view my vagina as a prize to be won either. Sex is one of those things that is a double-edged sword. Just as much as it can bring great pleasure, it could also bring great pain. Sex puts a different perspective to things, it changes almost everything. And I certainly don't think something as intimate as that should be wielded as a weapon, or a prize. It's not that I'm apathetic towards orgasmic delights either. I'm just not too keen about the idea of sharing my vagina with the 3 billion (more or less) penises out there. I'm not on an Annabel Chong quest.
It's just that, for me, it's... personal. So.. very... personal, you know? Yes, there's orgasmic relief. Then what? Is the orgasm everything? What about connection, what about the night before and the morning after? What about sharing and compatability? What about building bridges and relationships? And I haven't even gotten started on love. Love's another long meandering ramble. Let's not get to that. Shouldn't sex at least be between two people who at the very least, care about each other? Maybe I'm too old-fashioned and traditionalist for my time, but that's what I want. Sex is important, but it is not everything.
I know I'm not unattractive :) At the very least, I look better than a horse's ass. Or a horse's face :P My first indecent proposition was when I was 22/23? What a shock for a green, wide-eyed girl from across the sea. There were several indecent propositions, since, but nothing prepared me for that first. I first thought his wanting to turn his dreams into reality was a joke, but no, he was dead serious. Looking back now, it has some sad, but funny twist to it. The exchange that followed was private, and unmentionable on an easily accessible www blog :P I wonder where he is and what he's doing now. I hope he's doing well. He's otherwise a very nice boy, albeit very horny, and more than a little desperate then. Till today, I wonder why he was short-changing himself like that, though. He's a tall, good-looking young man who was smart, funny, charming and eloquent. He could get any woman he wanted.
Why do both men and women so often settle for second best? Or third, or fourth, etc.? Is making that extra effort so abhorrent? I find that very sad. And I'm afraid I'd be making the same kind of mistake. Sometimes we don't know what we want. And sometimes when we do, and we find it, we just don't know what to do.
What sort of insanity is within us that keeps us from finding the happiness within ourselves that we so badly seek?
A guy buddy of mine asked me over yumchar: So, why don't you have a boyfriend? and it took me a while to answer. It wasn't the first time I was asked that. I've been questioned about my status many times. And it's a little hard, at first, for friends who don't know me all my life to believe that I've never had a boyfriend before :P But back to the question, I couldn't quite pinpoint the answer, really. Not that I don't want one. I guess I'm just happy to be single, just as much as I would be happy to be part of a two-some. It's neither a luxury, nor a necessity. It just IS. I reckon I'm just... not really looking. Why should I? Why, should I?
He asked if it was out of bad experiences with men. Well, not at first. In the past two/ three years, yes. But it doesn't completely rule my judgment/ reaction to men. It was short, and painful. And it was enough. It's as though it was an intensive, crash (and burn) course to make up for all those years I live a ridiculously sheltered life. Nothing like a total jackass to get a girl to smarten up real quick. And so I did. It taught me to be warier. It taught me to second-guess. As though my already natural over-analysing wasn't enough.
I've always liked the male species, even when I was young. And no, that did not come with a sexual hint. That was pure innocent liking. At 4/ 5, boys may be gross, but very fun. They had such cool toys. Dolls bored me. Dresses were so so so inconvenient. Especially when it came to running around. Cars, trucks and robots were fascinating. I'd reverse-engineer them, and then try to reverse-engineer my doll to disastrous results. End result: my parents never bought me dolls ever again. So I never did have dolls. No loss there, really :P The imagination was the best-est friend ever. Except I knew my friends and the situations I played out in my own head weren't real. And of course, there were toy robots and machineries around... Who needs dolls?
How could boys not be fun? Then they grew up to be men. And they were still fun. Lame jokes. Slapstick humour. Sarcasm. Jolly good fun all around. Yes, I get teased all the time. But who cares? I give it back to them whenever I can. And they can take it in as good as they can dish it out. And they don't get offended. Unlike some girls I know.
I like the company of men. There's a straightforwardness in male company that is quite difficult to find in most of the female population, except some (and thank God, some of those are my girl pals) which is very refreshing. It's direct, and such directness I find inoffensive. There's a certain understanding. You don't touch certain topics. And if you do, don't get offended if I don't want to give an answer. Which is fine by me. There is no petulance. No silly emotional mind games. No beating around the bush. If you're a friend, you're a friend. If I don't like you, I don't like you.
That has been my experience growing up with a whole lot of much older boy cousins. And much of my friendship with men. So NO, I'm not a man-hater. How could I be? Far from it. I enjoy male company, and I believe everyone should have a healthy balance of male and female friends. I love my girl friends. But I appreciate having my guy friends, too. Having male friends gives a girl a different perspective. Men and women look at the world quite differently at times. And it's good to know both sides of the coin. So how could I be a man-hater? The two boys I went out with for yumchar are very nice (albeit annoying at times :D) and very fun (and funny) people. They're among my favourite people in the world. Not all men are jackasses. Though all men have the capability to be. Just as all men have the capability to be sweet.
Men. They come in many forms and functions. Some are shy. Some are corny. Some are arrogant pricks. Some are just pricks. Some are gentlemen. Some are bloody arseholes. Some others think they're God's gift to women. Some others use their position and their power to just take what they want. Some are unused to failure and are lousy losers. Some others know how to utilise a graceful retreat. I've met some of these. And I don't regret meeting anyone of them. Life is an on-going lesson. And there's something to be learnt for everyone and everything that came your way. Though I won't wish the worst power-hungry bastards I've ever met on any girl, even my worst enemies, I don't regret having met them. What's done is done and can't be undone. Live and let live, but take your lessons from life. There's no better way of learning anything.
The other guy asked me: But you keep saying you want to get laid...
Well, I do :P Don't you? ;) Doesn't mean I should just get laid with the first man who asks. My vagina is an important part of me, and is precious, you know...! :P
It's not that I view my vagina as a prize to be won either. Sex is one of those things that is a double-edged sword. Just as much as it can bring great pleasure, it could also bring great pain. Sex puts a different perspective to things, it changes almost everything. And I certainly don't think something as intimate as that should be wielded as a weapon, or a prize. It's not that I'm apathetic towards orgasmic delights either. I'm just not too keen about the idea of sharing my vagina with the 3 billion (more or less) penises out there. I'm not on an Annabel Chong quest.
It's just that, for me, it's... personal. So.. very... personal, you know? Yes, there's orgasmic relief. Then what? Is the orgasm everything? What about connection, what about the night before and the morning after? What about sharing and compatability? What about building bridges and relationships? And I haven't even gotten started on love. Love's another long meandering ramble. Let's not get to that. Shouldn't sex at least be between two people who at the very least, care about each other? Maybe I'm too old-fashioned and traditionalist for my time, but that's what I want. Sex is important, but it is not everything.
I know I'm not unattractive :) At the very least, I look better than a horse's ass. Or a horse's face :P My first indecent proposition was when I was 22/23? What a shock for a green, wide-eyed girl from across the sea. There were several indecent propositions, since, but nothing prepared me for that first. I first thought his wanting to turn his dreams into reality was a joke, but no, he was dead serious. Looking back now, it has some sad, but funny twist to it. The exchange that followed was private, and unmentionable on an easily accessible www blog :P I wonder where he is and what he's doing now. I hope he's doing well. He's otherwise a very nice boy, albeit very horny, and more than a little desperate then. Till today, I wonder why he was short-changing himself like that, though. He's a tall, good-looking young man who was smart, funny, charming and eloquent. He could get any woman he wanted.
Why do both men and women so often settle for second best? Or third, or fourth, etc.? Is making that extra effort so abhorrent? I find that very sad. And I'm afraid I'd be making the same kind of mistake. Sometimes we don't know what we want. And sometimes when we do, and we find it, we just don't know what to do.
What sort of insanity is within us that keeps us from finding the happiness within ourselves that we so badly seek?
5 comments:
making that extra effort is not so abhorrent. we are perhaps merely too afraid to do so because we are afraid of being hurt. some may say, why aim so high when you might be shot down? might as well play it safe
for me, the short answers are:
1. no one i wanted ever asked
2. those who wanted to, i didn't want them to so i avoided them lk d plague.
:)
-bren
I think if u have great female mates to hang with then a bf doesn't matter at all. Not lonely mah and besides u can share clothes and shoes (amongst other things!). Some girls make such a big deal out of it, sometime you just wanna tell them CHILL: my life isn't just about getting a BF! Ur bf is not ur identity! ARGH! Not you la, but I've met girls who are like 'so do u have a bf? why dun u have a bf? have u thought about anyone? we cud prolly set u up with someone.' CHILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
yar man..chill.hehe...wil mayb end up an old maid but as long as i hv u guys (cue:aawww.....) and i dun end up a fierce prude (lk one of our ex-headmistress), i'm fine.
dida thinks too much.hehe.it shows in what you write in ur blog.all those stuff about religion and emotions.try to be more frivolous, girl! pls put down the aquinas and pick up the archie comics.hhehehe.
dk: yeah, sometimes i wonder if i'm sabotaging myself :P
yerdeh: that's stil not so bad. i knew a girl who refused to let go of a cheating, lying bf who obviously didn't want her, cos she'd afraid of being alone. ugh!! i run at the first sign of being set up!! u know, if i wanted to set up my friend with anyone, i wouldn't say that. i'd just ask a mixed bunch of friends out, and then invite her along and introduce them to each other. if they hit it off, ok lah, if they don't, well, there wouldn't be that strange awkwardness. takes the pressure off the situation for both parties, doesn't it? and neither knows they're being set up, so they don't feel funny.
bren: u make me sound old, stodgy, and with a constant frown on my forehead!! I AM A CHIRPY PERSON, OK? hehehe... but yeah i know sometimes i think too much. that's what happens when u have problem sleeping! ummm... U WON'T BE OLD MAID LAH. ishhh... :P
Post a Comment