Is it any wonder?

I have just returned from a dinner date with a collegemate I have not seen since 2001.

When we shared a dorm we were pretty tight until I moved out and we lost touch because I lost my phone.

So here I was having dinner and catching up with her and her roommate, L.

L had her concerns about how C was unreachable for almost two years, and asked her why.

Apparently she had fallen into depression. She had been dating a guy for about 2 years and they had almost gotten married. Bought a house together jointly. She was basically looking after all his affairs, paid for everything, even his phone bills. Even looked after his family.

Then he had an affair. Told different stories to different people. A cunning linguist, that one. Gave the other lady STDs. He had it from a previous girlfriend. Apparently he only confessed long after the relationship was over.

It was all very nasty and horrible. Even until now, after all her money was spent on lawyer's fees, it's still hard for her to regain all her losses on this wretch.

It's sad. Really. The mistakes smart women make over love. We've all been there, some stories worse than others.

I remember how mom and girlfriends always said it was better to marry someone who wasn't suave and sweet-talking. It's always better to marry someone who was a bad liar. Who was direct. Who didn't know how to pretend.

And how a girl always had more to lose. It's always important to protect one's assets. It's not unromantic. It's just.... self-preservation. Romance, sad to say, would have to take a backseat to practicality.

Perhaps this is why some women would rather marry into money.

Me, I figure considering the horror stories and the statistics, how sometimes, it's best to not marry at all. Being single has a ready escape clause. It's always easier to cut one's losses and run without a signed contract in between. Already, like C, she's already having so much trouble (even being single) to cut all ties because it's a case of 'Love and Affection'. What more if she had actually married this man?

Is it any wonder that so many of my year-mates who are good, smart, loving women capable of their own steady income and not intending to marry for money are single and have little intention to settle down, some being downright commitaphobics? We see and hear these cases with our own eyes and ears, many of them our own friends. And we help them pick up the pieces of their lives ruined by the wrong choice of men. We're there as a shoulder to cry on, we're there to offer support, we're there for opinion. We're there when everything crashes and burns.

Is it any wonder then, that we look at the crop of men around and wonder when they will grow up and take responsibility for their own lives, and the decisions that they make?

Is it any wonder then, that we figure if they're not ready to let go of their mothers' apron strings, that the rightful place for them is with their mothers?

Is it any wonder that most of us end up just pursuing our own careers and our own lives, and putting these first because it's a safety net that we know is more reliable? After all, we built them with our own hands. We got here with great effort, many mistakes, and great perseverence. We fought so hard to get to where we are, and are still fighting so hard to stay. And strangely, most of us are where we want to be. At 27/ 28. Finally. Career-wise, most of us are fairly satisfied with our day jobs.

But we're commitaphobes. I can count on one hand the batch-mates that married for love. 

Old maids, all of us. Maybe. Or perhaps, we'd just rather be alone than be unhappy.

Unless the men are worth our while... why bother wasting our fabulous selves on people who'd just make us miserable?