Solitude

I've found what I came here for.

In the jungles, hearing the jungle sounds I've missed so much, I realise how much we take the things we love most in life for granted.

The greenery that brings peace into my heart.

The cacophony of jungle noises that moves you to stop and listen, rather than the sounds of busses and cars and other random vehicles during peak hour traffic.

The big fat ant scurrying around with food for the nest.

That dragonfly with purple wings.

The mountain stream. So clear, you can see the rocks at the bottom. So cold, like only mountain stream can be. So sweet to the taste too, no scent of chlorine at all.

How I miss nature. How I miss home. How the hustle-bustle of living in the big city in a concrete jungle has stressed me out beyond belief I haven't been able to think straight.

We all need a break once in awhile. To look after ourselves. To stop and smell the roses. Or the hummus, in this case. How to look after anyone else when we ourselves are a complete mess?

I hiked out to the sea. And oh... it was beautiful. When I reached the hanging bridge over the meromictic lake, I could only pause and take a deep breath. And I took it all in. The huge rocks. The delta. The sea stretching away before me. The lake where seawater and freshwater does not mix. The mangrove trees behind me. The white sand. I was stunned. It was a beauty that went beyond words.

And my heart sang a song. Finally. I laughed. I cried. I wanted to do a little dance :)

So I went to play. Screw the twisted ankle. Let's climb rocks. Oh... let's pick seashells on the seashore. Let's dig our hands deep into the sand and feel the grainy texture of the sand. Remove the sneakers. Feel sand beneath our feet. Feel the rocks. Texture, texture, texture. Lovely texture. Oh! A crab! It's quite a big one! Let's catch it and take it home! :D Oohhh... it's perfectly camouflaged for the sand. If it hadn't moved, we wouldn't have seen it :)

I saw a sea otter. It was amazing. It flopped out to the beach, it's shiny coat gleaming in the hot sun. It stood on it's hind legs and peered out to the beach. I tried getting closer for a closer look, but then it spun around, and flopped right back into the sea. It's an omen. Of what, I don't know, but how often do you see a sea otter? 

I sat on a huge rock boulder, the waves crashing around me. I watched the tide get higher and higher. I watched the waves drown/ bury a rock as the tide gets higher. And yet the fact that there was a rock there is still an interference to the waves, and it affected their pattern.

What lies buried doesn't mean there's no effect... there's always something to learn from nature. I'm sure Newton knows that :)

So I sat on that boulder and watched the waves. Watched and heard them crash around the rocks on which I sat. Watched and heard them crash and lap against the shore. Watched and heard them as they sent sea spray towards me. And I found balance. And peace. I felt so insignificant at that moment. And yet so blessed.

The bottom half of a black bikini floated up along with the waves... The sea takes everything. What are my troubles compared to the lives lost in the tsunami? They seemed to pale so much in comparison, in perspective. And yet, everything works the way they should. Everything has it's place, it's time, it's reason. I'm significant, yet insignificant. Insignificant, yet significant. I have my place here, even if it's lowly. I have my part to play.

So I sat on that boulder and watched the waves. Heard the forest song behind me, and the sea song before me. And the wisdom of the wind and the waves and the forest spoke their ancient wisdom to me, and deep in my heart, I understood. And was glad. And so I opened my mouth and sang His praises out loud: How Great Thou Art! It was apt. It was appropriate.

It was a new year: a new start, a new beginning. 

It was worth it: the long hike there and back. Straining myself to achieve. The initial exhaustive push. Worth every drop of sweat: 1 1/2 hours there. 1 1/2 hours back. It was all worth it.

Old histories would be buried, and even if it has its effects, there's something to learn from it. I did what was right, heeding my intuition and heading out here, twisted ankle and all. It was right to find balance and peace. To be with family. To hear the ancient wisdom whispered to me in nature's call.

Even if my head doesn't understand, my heart of heart does.

**

The Sea Otter as a totem:

Otter is the animal totem associated with the Rest and Cleansing Moon. The otter is one of the most playful animals in the wild.

Otters have warm and active home lives. both parents assist in raising the young who stay with them longer than the young of most wild animals. Otters are ardent companions to each other. A mate will mourn the death of his or her companion.

Because of the otters' exemplary home life, nobility, curiosity, inventiveness, and playfulness, Native people recognized the power of the otter. Some of the most powerful medicine bags in certain tribes were made from the fur of otters. Otter medicine is so strong to some tribes that it is secret until you reach a certain degree of initiation.

Working with otter can teach you about playfulness, nurturing, originality, inventiveness, nobility, curiosity, humanitarianism, companionship, and child rearing.

Native American peoples have long admired the otter as a strong protector of family. The otter is also a powerful symbol of ‘woman medicine’ and female energy. 

Sea otters pups will haul themselves out of the water and 'rest' on their mother's stomach while she floats on her back. Curiosity, empathy, and grace are three more characteristics with which we associate and identify the otter. 

As an animal totem and spirit guide, the otter symbolizes speed and agility. It teaches us that play is an important aspect of life. Watching otters, adults and pups chasing each other and sliding down banks head first, or lying on their backs chirping and chatting to each other, it’s easy to see why they continue to symbolize joy, fun, and mischief wherever we’re lucky enough to observe them.