weddings

not quite in the mood for weddings, but i have two coming up.

the second, i'm cool with.

the first, i'm half-hearted about.

1) i don't know the chick that well. well, we studied together, but that's about it.

2) i have to go get my lard ass off to some town (that i don't know-wasn't given details though i asked) to be her 'jimui'.

now:

i have NO IDEA what being a jimui entails.
-> i have never really watched a canto/ taiwan serial
-> when my hometown mates get married, they just get married. minus the 'jimui' thingy. they might perhaps have a 'hen's night', which sounds better to me, being the horny bitch that i am. seriously.
-> she didn't give me details about this either....

3) i'm kinda broke.

4) i have something to do in the morning on the day itself. i really hate to rush.

5) i don't know where i will be staying, and what time i'll be coming back. 'cos i should be somewhere on sunday, too.

6) damn, maybe i'm a control freak, but i just like things well planned.

7) i don't really like some of her friends much. i don't hate them, but i'm just not comfortable talking to them. we just don't quite click. that's all.

8) she JUST told me few weeks back... hotdamn...

Chink BOYS

went out for dinner with the 'took my own leave' psycho, but we both ended up with another of my friends (and her friends) for the whole night.

we had jolly good fun. dancing, drinking increasingly alcoholic drinks (Stan the Man calls it 'foreplay until you reach the real thing'-cheeky bastard).

and had great fun alternatively flirting, and shocking the boys :D yesh, one of them was Bachelor no. 32. apparently my friend knows him in person. he's so young, and rather shy, which makes shocking him absolutely hilarious. especially when he starts sputtering cos he's trying to salvage his 'cool-ness'. it was terribly cute.

it was really fun. maybe because none of them are chinks.

i give up on chink boys.

see, psycho (as usual, being the ah beng magnet) had a bunch of chink boys trying to pick her up.

picture this scenario:

a bunch of losers, dressed in work clothes, in a hiphop club scene, cruising along the bar trying desperately to look cool and rich, sipping WINE (wtf?) watching some really naughty dancing. checks out the jap-looking girl with nicely huge tits doing her thing on the dance floor with her girlfriends. she goes to the bar to talk to her other friend, and grab an ice cube to wet her parched throat. her friends follow.

having watched her half the night, chink boys try 'languidly' to come up to her. the oldest of them, and maybe the richest, points out to the better-looking one of them (if tallish, scary-white, bespectacled, and longish-haired be called good-looking), saying that he's really interested in her and would like to know her name.

her friend watches with increasing disbelief on her face, thinking:
OOOOO u're SOOOOO in for it, boy.

1) if u see a chink girl dancing with a bunch of machas/ bhais... u better have a REALLY good pick up line, and the confidence/ charm/ self-deprecating humour (at least) to pull it off. cos trust me, darker-skinned people are confident. darker-skinned people are cool-er and are more fun to club with than you.

2) that girl there is an elitist snob, you've no idea what you've gotten into.

3) have the balls to approach her yourself, else she'd crush you.

4) she's hot. she knows she's hot. and what makes you think you can send your lame-o wingman over with some lame-o excuse and expect her, or her friend to start giggling in lust and hand over everything (name, IC no., mobile no., vital stats, address, etc.)? she's a woman. she ain't no girly girl you can twist around your lil finger.

5) you're so fucked :P

her friend was right. she exchanged one look with her friend, then said: who wants my name? that one ar? why don't he ask me himself? ok, ask him to dance first, then i'll give him my name... OOOOO....

her friend laughed out loud. as the guy sputterred and gave some more lame excuse, both watched the tallish guy skunk to one corner and move away, mouthing "snob". well, waddya expect? as she gave his friend her name, he came back bringing his other guy friend and approached her friend.

her friend thinks: WRONG move, boy. have you never learnt about John Nash? or watched "A Beautiful Mind"? No girl likes to be second best. and having watched her friend embarrass you, what makes you think she'd give a loser like you the time of evening?

her friend gave him her name, then promptly ignored him and went off to dance. yes, so cruel. who fuck cares? he THINKS he's hot. both women KNOW they're hot.

so what if they're barristers?

take out a whole wad of cash to buy yourself and your friends a drink. what, no wallet? what, you think we'll change our minds about u? how pathetic.

chink men seriously need to grow some balls. chink mothers need to pamper their sons a bit less. stop taking themselves too seriously.

it's really pathetic to take half a night to develop half a COLLECTIVE ball in the first place, even more pathetic to try to show yourself off as rich, and even more so to think you can use one girl against another. they did the dirty dancing together. what makes you think you're so hot you'd make one change her mind about another? when she ignored you in the first place. terribly S.A.D.

granted there are precious few rarities among chink men. the common denominator in chink men like these are that, a) they have a different upbringing and/ or have friends of different races. b) they have been overseas and back.

now these are few and far in between. perhaps because they all decided to STAY overseas, and marry a non-chink girl (if they're lucky).

Chink boys think that the hot chink girls go out with other races cos they're richer, cool-er, or have a larger and longer dong. well, maybe. but the main reason is because they treat girls (at least when dating) better. and they are more charming. and more self-deprecating. and they have BALLS. not the size of the dong, darling. it's the size of the BALLS (figuratively speaking) that counts.

yes, i'm an elitist snob. yes, i'm mean to my own race. unfortunately, it's true. gonad-less, spine-less worms are a terribly pathetic bore. especially when they think they're so hot, they treat you like you're less human then they are, and expect you to worship them just because they have a penis. how'd u expect me to breed with a lesser creature who thinks he's better than me, mom?

apologies

this was a topic that was brought up when talking to a friend quite a while back.

and which was brought up again when talking to a friend via messenger today.

friend A mentioned about a woman who was raped in college, and then, after many years, after she's moved on, and so has he, her rapist was struck by a sudden bout of guilt and decided to get in touch with her and apologise.

when she first read the letter, she was terribly upset, and she thought she'd forgive him, and write back. but after a few letters, she figured: wtf? he caused me so much pain, i don't want him to get away with it. and she handed the letters to the authorities so that she could take proper legal action.

when that happened, he denied everything.

which brings me to this:

1) when you apologise for something, are you sincerely sorry, or are you just saying that to assuage your own guilt?

-> if you're really sorry, then be prepared for the other person's reaction to swing either way. you should be prepared to hear the other party's inability to forgive you. like the Dixie Chicks sing: I'm not ready to make nice.

-> what are you expecting, when you say: i'm sorry? to hear the other party say: it's ok? because it's not ok. are you assuaging your own guilt, or are you assuaging the other party's feelings?

-> saying sorry, just to assuage your own guilt, is being doubly selfish.

2) have you ever thought that the person has moved on, and doesn't want to remember what you've done to her? and when you do, after all that, you're just making her feel worse? you're opening an old wound and stuffing and rubbing a kg of salt into it. you were no longer on her radar. leave her alone. let her be. she's happy without you in her life. leave it that way. you wronged her. your guilt is justified. live with your own cross. or talk to a psychiatrist. find another way of closure that wouldn't affect her.

3) if you are willing to ask for an apology, be prepared for the consequences. be prepared to be punished for old sins. what, you only want the forgiveness without the retribution? if that's the case, how sincere was your apology in the first place?

i told someone months back:
when u've learnt to take responsiblity for your own actions and grow up and be a man, then maybe we can have a shot at being friends again. wanting to be friends under these circumstances is too much to ask for. till then, u made ur own bed, go sleep in it.

i'm afraid i'd have to say this to someone else again soon.

you see, maturity and wisdom does not come with either age or experience. it's learning from the painful lessons in life. it's taking responsibility.

the call of Nemesis

this is who Nemesis is, for those who don't know, or don't bother to find out:

Nemesis (in Greek, Νέμεσις), also called Rhamnousia/Rhamnusia ("the goddess of Rhamnous"), at her sanctuary at Rhamnous, north of Marathon, in the Greek mythology was the spirit of divine retribution against those who succumb to hubris, vengeful fate personified as a remorseless goddess. The name Nemesis is related to the Greek word νείμειν, meaning "to give what is due". The Romans equated one aspect of Greek Nemesis, which might be interpreted as "indignation at unmerited advantage", as Invidia (Aronoff 2003)

i don't call myself Nemesis for nothing. when i've made up my mind that enough is enough. when i've lost enough sleep over something. when i've been pushed to my limit. i am Nemesis. and i don't take no shit from no mortal man.

***
last friday someone pissed me off so much, my entire face went scarlet. and when i went off for dinner, and went to the ladies', i noticed little red spots all over my chest, and upper arms, right down to my bosom.

it looked like i had an allergy reaction to alcohol. except i hadn't started drinking yet.

yes, i got so angry, that i burst my capillaries.

that's when i thought: Enough. Enough is enough. I don't need this. From anyone.

***
i had a difficult childhood. i was emotionally and socially blackmailed and bullied as a child. it taught me 3 important lessons:

a) how to phase out.

b) how to be utterly shameless, and to not bother about the general public's opinions of me.

c) how to take full control of my own life.

these are lessons i learned young. it was so difficult, as i was so young, but it has served me well.

now i'm using it. because i have to.

***
on sunday, i found out something about someone i cared for that was totally unexpected, and that put me out of my misery of several months. it helped me reach my decision, immediately. swift as the blow of the guillotine. a decision i've been getting sick, and losing sleep over. a decision i had taken months agonising about.

do i want to lose a friend?

but now, the question is: was this person a friend to me?

no one runs circles around a goddess using a mediocre mortal. s/he better at least be hercules, or in hercules' league (a demi-god)

stupid, stupid jackass.

***
the wheels are in motion. the time is ripe to give what is due. retribution is in order.

the table is set for one last negotiation. it's time to make an offer.

if things don't work out, the blade would strike.

no one has the right to be selfish to such an extent. no one can be allowed to have such an unmerited advantage over everyone else.

***
if you've made your own bed, learn to sleep in it.

both of you.

the doormat is metamorphing into the goddess of retribution.

Doormat

I'm a DOORMAT.

I know I'm often WAAAAYYYY TOO nice to people.

But my nice-ness, like every other person, has a limit.

You ask me to help you, and it's not too much trouble for me, I'd do it, and go to great lengths for you.

You ask me to help you, you're a really good friend, and it troubles me some, I'd STILL do it. AND go to great lengths for you.

BUT if you ask me to help your friend, whom I don't know, and it troubles me a lot, but you're a really good friend, I'd help you as much as I can.

BUT if you ask me to help YOUR friend, whom I DON'T KNOW, and it troubles me a BLOODY lot, which I've done anyway, and helped you as much as I can, BECAUSE you are a really good friend, but you ask for even MORE TROUBLESOME favours, for YOUR friend, whom I DON'T KNOW, and whose favours might get ME in TROUBLE, I seriously think you're crossing THE LINE.

And if you get upset because I couldn't do it, or wouldn't, you're seriously PISSING ME OFF.

There's a limit. Don't cross the line.

You're only thinking about YOUR friend, but what about me?

What I've done has already put me in a sufficient amount of danger. What I've done was a great deal of trouble for me. And for my friends who helped me. It also almost put me in a bad light among my friends. Thank God they know the reason, and they know who I am.

I've done all I can. If you're not happy about it, Fuck You.

Saying I am irresponsible, unreliable and SELFISH is just too damn much when firstly, you were the one asking me for my favour when I already TOLD you I was busy.

I was doing YOU a favour, and doing YOUR FRIEND a favour TOO, by PROXY.

Your friend owes me. BIG time.

a) I DON'T know your friend. I needn't help him/ her.
b) You shouldn't have made a promise you couldn't keep. But if you were foolish enough to make that promise, you should have solved it on your own. So yes, I was a solution to your problem, than you should have been thankful I helped you out, instead of whining, or whinging.

Don't act like a Fucking INGRATE instead.

Geez-us!!! I couldn't be more positively INCENSED!

:D

Jerry Hall famously stated that "Men want a cook in the kitchen, a maid in the living room and a whore in the bedroom".

Well, yes, if you're really really good, Nemesis-on-Fire will give you ALL that ;)
I can, after all, it isn't hard to do :)

But what does Nemesis want?

How about giving me "A sommelier-cum-chef in the kitchen, a poet-cum-musician in the living room and an 'Artist' in the bedroom"?

LoL...

Renee Olstead's A Love That Will Last.

Think some of my friends would like this song. She's a pretty good jazz singer. So go check her out :)

A Love That Will Last
Renee Olstead

I want a little something more
Don't want the middle or the one before
I don't desire a complicated past
I want a love that will last

Say that you love me
Say I'm the one
Don't kiss and hug me and then try to run
I don't do drama
My tears don't fall fast
I want a love that will last

[Chorus]
I don't want just a memory
Give me forever
Don't even think about saying good-bye
Cuz I just want one love to be enough
And remain in my heart till I die

So call me romantic
Oh I guess that's so
There's something more that you oughta know
I'll never leave you
So don't even ask
I want a love that will last

Forever
I want a love that will last
I want a love that will last

[Chorus]
I don't want just a memory
Give me forever
Don't even think about saying good-bye
Cuz I just want one love to be enough
And remain in my heart till I die

So there's just a little more that I need
I wanna share all the air that you breathe
I'm not the kinda girl to complicate the past
I want a love that will last

Forever
I want a love the love that last
Always
I just want a love that will last
Want a love that will last

self-doubt: the knots require unravelling...

i'm having one of my rare moments of self-doubt.

i want to go for it, but i wonder now, if i'm good enough.

could i still do what i used to do as well as i used to do it?

could i remember all that i've studied, and apply it well?

could i?

where has my confidence gone?

has recent unrelated events affected me, and my confidence and image in myself, so much that i wonder who i am now?

i need a swim. i need intense physical activity.

that's the way i meditate when i'm all tied up in knots inside.

the knots need unravelling....

I'll remember

The brain is insidious in how it works.

Memories. The more you try to forget, the more you forget. Everything. Even the things you never wanted to.

So I've stopped. I'll remember. I'll remember everything.

The good and the bad. The happy and the sad. If it makes me cry, so be it. Tears are the safety valves of the heart, anyway.

I'll accept it as it is. I've already learnt to let go.

But I can't stop my mind from remembering. I owe this to me. To feel. To learn. Also to let go slowly. In my own time.

I've grown. Just as I've grown to love you. It's different from falling in love. Loving someone and being in love with someone is poles apart from one another. Someday, if I'm lucky, I'd have both. But now, now's not it.

I know full well the differences between them. Perhaps it's because I've always perceived love with my head rather than my heart. One's accepting. The other is blind.

I know you. I understand you. Not enough, but I try to. No one person can understand another completely. You think I don't accept you, but I do.

I know all your faults. I'm not blind to them. How you could be self-centered. Selfish. Critical. Judgmental. Blatantly cruel. How you could disregard others' feelings to guard your own.

But I know your strengths too. There are times you're so sweet. The simple gestures. The kind touch. I remember those too. How you listen, and listen well. How you watch to try to gauge my moods. How you're sensitive. How you're helpful. Never think I forget. I remember.

And it's painful, either way.

It's you I've grown to love. Your faults and your strengths. It makes you, you. And I wouldn't change how you are or who you are. No one's perfect after all.

But I'm also a woman. And after all that has happened, I know it's impossible to change a situation that seems futile. It takes two to tango. There's only so much a girl can do.

Just because I've grown to love you, just because you get under my skin, doesn't mean you feel the same way for me. And I know this, just as surely as I know the sky is blue on a bright, sunny day.

There's nothing I can do. That's why I chose to let you go. There's no point in grasping at straws. A man's a man after all. A man that doesn't want to stay never will. And what we're doing is dangerous. It's risky business. That's not a risk I want to take. Not anymore.

Is that why lately I've been thinking of you in the past tense?

I can't change your past. I can't promise you the future, either. That would be a promise I can't keep. And I don't make those. What I can give you is the here and now. It's called the Present for a reason. But whether or not you accept my gift and make the most of it is up to you.

I can take the horse to water, but I can't force the horse to drink.

I no longer want to know what it is you want from me. For me now, any answer you give me now no longer matters. It's irrelevant now.

I hope and expect nothing from you now.

Except, perhaps, that you grow up someone you yourself can be proud of. That you take pride in yourself and in what you do. That you see the world around you, and know that you have within yourself, the control and the power to change your own situation, and the situation of those around you.

Not the world, not even the richest, or most powerful men in the world could do that, but your own little community. Your friends, your family, your colleagues, maybe, to start with.

That it's ok to be frightened. It's not fear the holds us back, but the fear to be frightened. The fear to feel.

It's also ok to fail. Failure never brought anyone down. It's not picking yourself up again that's a mistake. We learnt to walk, as children, by falling down over and over again. It's the same as adults.

It's also ok to be sad. If we never experience bitterness, how would we know the taste of sweetness when it comes to us?

You're, perhaps, on the threshold of manhood. Not a boy, not yet a man. What holds you back from taking full control of your life? From taking that final step into manhood? From grasping fully the power that manhood can bring you? Added responsiblity? Responsibility comes to you, whether you choose it or not. Refusing it only bungles up your life even more.

After all, who doesn't know the famous quote on power and responsility?
"With great power, comes great responsibility."

You'll realise how true it is in due time. Just as you'll realise how avoiding that responsibility, and hence, that power does nobody much good.

You say you want me to be happy. You want to make me happy. Yes, I'm happy when I'm with you, but my world would not crumble without you in it.

You can't give me what I want. Or maybe you don't want to. And that's ok, too. I have no intention to make you do what you don't want to do.

Maybe you don't know either, and can't be bothered to ask.

You think yourself beneath me. You think I think you beneath me. You've no idea how much that hurt. I view no man as above me. There are plenty beneath me, but there are some I view as equal. You're one of those. It had never crossed my mind to think of you as beneath me. If I thought of you that way, why would I choose to waste my time and affections on someone beneath me?

You probably never realised how much you've hurt my feelings.

I'm not sure I trust you fully any longer. Things have changed. It's pointless to pretend that it hasn't. In fact, things have been slowly changing for awhile, now. Choosing not to see it, and pretending it hasn't been happening is probably what drove a wedge between us.

I don't want that anymore. You're free to go. Whenever you want. Only one thing I ask of you. To let me know when you want to move on. To let me know to my face. To not taper off slowly, pretending you're too busy, and ultimately no longer see each other that way.

At least have the courtesy to let me know to my face, like a man to a woman, that you want to go. And likewise, I'd afford you the same courtesy, like a woman to a man, to go without a fuss.

My world wouldn't crumble without you in it. But your presence did make a difference. I was happy. But as we all know, happiness doesn't last forever.

You. I wouldn't change you. I wouldn't change this. But it's got to end sometime. Better now than later.

And I hope you're happy. I hope you'll be happy enough times in your life to enjoy it fully. Even if we become strangers. Even if we don't speak to each other anymore. I'll always hope you have the best things life has to offer. Good health, a satisfying job, the love of a lifetime, and a family of your own. Such things fills you, stretches you. Gives you opportunities for growth as a person. I will always wish you well.

For what it's worth, even if we become strangers, I'm glad you were part of me. My life.

No matter how brief. No matter how unsettling. No matter the outcome, whatever it may be.

I wouldn't change anything. Wouldn't wish to erase it anymore. I'll remember.

Girls vs. Grown Women

This was posted on my bulletin, so I thought I'd share it here :)

Thought it said a lot, and that it really was true. Makes you wonder: Youthful Passion vs. Maturity?

Some learn their lessons before others, but we'll all eventually get there. After all, aren't all women born with a hundred years of collective feminine wisdom anyway? ;)

**
Girls leave their schedule wide-open and wait for a guy to call and make plans.
Grown women make their own plans and nicely tell the guy to get in where he fits.

Girls want to control the man in their life.
Grown women know that if he's truly hers, he doesn't need controlling.

Girls check you for not calling them.
Grown women are too busy to realize you hadn't.

Girls are afraid to be alone.
Grown women revel in it-using it as a time for personal growth.

Girls ignore the good guys.
Grown women ignore the bad guys.

Girls make you come home.
Grown women make you want to come home.

Girls worry about not being pretty and/or good enough for their man.
Grown women know that they are pretty and/or good enough for any man.

Girls try to monopolize all their man's time ( I.e., don't want him hanging with his friends).
Grown women realize that a lil' bit of space makes the 'together time' even more special-and goes to kick it with her own friends!

Girls think a guy crying is weak.
Grown women offer their shoulder and a tissue.

Girls want to be spoiled and 'tell' their man so.
Grown women 'show' him and make him comfortable enough to reciprocate without fear of losing his 'manhood'.

Girls get hurt by one man and make all men pay for it.
Grown women know that that was just one man.

Girls fall in love and chase aimlessly after the object of their affection, ignoring all 'signs'.
Grown women know that sometimes the one you love, don't always love you back-and move on, without bitterness.

Girls will read this and get an attitude.
Grown women will read this and pass it on to other Grown women and their male friends.

STUPID BITCH

continued from the morning:

When?
Time: approx. 1400 hours.

Where?
On a busy one way street in Brickfields area.

Who?
INDIAN lady.

What?
CLEVER woman decided to drive AGAINST TRAFFIC, AT PEAK HOURS, on a ONE-WAY STREET while it was DAMN BUSY.

Reason given? My house is just there.

LADY: FUCK YYYYEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW.....

I dont fucking care if your sugar daddy is Semi-Value. It's not your fucking street. We taxpayers pay road tax too, y'know. It's a one-way street. It's peak hours. There is no justification for you to disregard everyone else for your selfish concerns. If it's 11pm or something, and there are no cars around, maybe lah. But C'MON! It's a working day, n it's a busy street. And it's peak hours to boot!!

PKM KNN LLB CCB PBK!!!!!!!

BITCH.

Anecdotes

been meaning to blog about my Good Charlotte concert, but I just haven't found the time.

Anyway, here are some interesting anecdotes from my morning.

Where?:
In the LRT on my way to work.

Who?:
Male Indonesian worker travelling with his group of other male Indon workers (who is willing to bet with me it's their day off and they are on their way to KLCC?)

What?:
Slingbag that reads..... (drumroll please....)

SEX Doggie Style:

I Sit Up AND BEG.
She Rolls Over AND Plays DEAD.

(kinda in that print)

(Picture of one shaggy gray doggy, with front paws up and panting like his life depended on it [well, maybe it does ;)] and one snow white doggy (back end facing gray doggy) lying on the ground like it's dead....)

WAHAHAHAHAHAHA..... If the guy weren't an Indon worker, I'd go up to him and tell him: Nice bag, does it reflect your ahem, life?

On the way up from the lobby, crossing the lobby to the lift area, through the car park, a woman suddenly came really close to the place where i was standing. Then she saw me, braked, a made me a rude gesture, obviously telling something to the rest of the aunties in the car.

Well, I don't suffer fools gladly.

1) It's a CAR PARK. Drive SLOWLY.
2) It's the area where you cross from lobby to LIFT. Pedestrian area. Drive SLOWLY.
3) If she hadn't been gossiping with her old cronies, she woulda seen me. I AIN'T THAT SMALL. Some people would say I'm fat, but, anyway. Point made, no?

SOME people. CHUH!

I LIKEEE.......

Exotic bad-ass You scored 70% masculine, 64% athletic, 54% exotic, and 31% refined!

You want everything in a man at the same time! Masculine, built like a Greek god, exotic and mysterious and even some bad-ass in there too. I think you would really like Freddy Ljungberg, the Swedish soccer player. He's the guy on the right. But let's face it, the whole point of this was to look at a bunch of hot guys. If you liked what you saw, please rate my test!

This test tracked 4 variables. How the score compared to the other people's:

	Higher than 77% on masculine
	Higher than 47% on athletic
	Higher than 68% on exotic
	Higher than 9% on refined

Link: The What type of MAN turns you on Test written by thinkandcome on Ok Cupid

Hell, YEAH!! Gimme Freddy Ljundberg. Gimme gimme gimme!!

Ohh.... looking at all those Hot hOt hoT hOT HoT HOT! guys sooooo made my day :)

oohhh.. i'm a HAWT smurfette :P

:) that hawt meh? where are the boys? maybe i should go to america :P

nemesisonfire, you're now logged in!

Below you'll find your test result. After, continue on to your homescreen to discover what we're about.

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Seriously Sexy!

80%-100% Congratulations! This is the highest category so you are extremely sexy! It would seem that you're a perfect mix of healthy confidence and self-esteem, sexual awareness and knowledge, and a healthy open-mind! You have sex appeal...you're most likely quite aware of your non-physical qualities, as well, and I'm sure that other people notice it a lot! Only approximately 20% of takers finish in this category, and often the takers that don't finish in this category, rate my test low, so to try to make up for that, please feel free to rate my test highly below! :) The Interested In This Aussie Test The Match The Actors To The Movie Test

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 72% on Sex Appeal

Link: The Ultimate Sex Appeal For Women Test written by aussierick on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

i'm a smurfette!! ;)

i'm a smurfette!! and a silly one at that! :P

nemesisonfire, you're now logged in!

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Smurfs!

You're the Smurfs! Those crazy little blue buggers who run around the forest and live in little mushroom houses. You're perky, plucky and clever. You always manage to solve your own problems, and you do it without violence. Sometimes, however, you're almost TOO much of a pushover...

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 5% on Aggression You scored higher than 59% on Silliness

Link: The 80s Cartoon Personality Test written by TheLadyEve on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

You wait, wanting this world
To let you in
And you stand there
A frozen light
In dark and empty streets
You smile hiding behind
A God-given face
But I know you're so much more
Everything they ignore
Is all that I need to see

You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
Now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in

I wish
Wishing for you to find your way
And I'll hold on for all you need
That's all we need to say
I'll take my chances while
You take your time with
This game you play
But I can't control your soul
You need to let me know
You leaving or you gonna stay

You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
Now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in

There's nothing we can do about
The things we have to do without
The only way to feel again
Is let love in

I don't believe you
And I never will,
Oh I can't live by your side
with the lies you've tried to instil,
I can't take anymore,
I don't have to give you a reason
For leaving this time
Cos this is my last goodbye

It's like I hardly know you
but maybe I never did.
It's like every emotion you showed me
you kept well hid,
and every true word that you ever spoke
was really deceiving.
Now I'm leaving this time
cos this is my last goodbye

I've gotta turn and walk away,
I don't have anything left to say
I haven't already said before
and I've grown tired of being used,
and I'm sick and tired of being accused.
Now I'm walking away from you,
and I'm not coming back

"Women Rule...."

Today I wore a T-shirt to work that sparked interest in my colleagues.

It said, in Bold: Women Rule... Men Drool.

Imagine my mirth when I went on Reuters and read this:

http://today.reuters.com/news/articlenews.aspx?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyid=2007-04-26T130938Z_01_KUA647071_RTRUKOC_0_US-CHINA-WOMENTOWN-ODD.xml

HAHAHAHAHA...... :D

My day just got off on a fabu-licious start :P

why is it that, for some twisted reason, what we want the most always seem to be what we screw up the most?

it's an odd feeling when you've grown accustomed to spending so much time with someone, you've even learnt to know what they're thinking, and quite suddenly, you're not talking to them anymore. you forget, sometimes, and you pick up the phone, but then you remember the reasons and you stop yourself. it becomes a battle of will and resolution. self-control. odd feeling... it's as though one feels.... somehow bereft.

What Oprah Said About Men

This was forwarded to me. Wonder what any one of you would say about this.

Personally, I think it couldn't be any more true. Probably an Omen for me.

These are truths I've known all along, and mentioned several times in conversations, but sometimes I don't really listen to myself.

It's at times like these, when I let my guard down, that I always get in trouble.

This is a sharing session. I don't share with strangers in a church cell-group, it makes me uncomfortable to open up when I don't want to, and expressions always betray me. But here, here is my space, and here I want to share a little about how this concerns me.

If my sharing makes you uncomfortable, turn your eyes away now. Forewarned is forearmed.

**
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

(1, 2, 3. I've mentioned this to both men and women, and it's sad to note that it's always so true. This I've said to more than one man, of my own accord, more than once, when I was asked why I won't fight for them. You see, I believe decisions have to be made on your own. Fighting just panders to a man's impossible ego. Walking away is always classier. And a man who would allow himself to be won by a woman who bitches about and disses another woman just so she can get her man is not worthy of my affection.)

Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour.

(Yes. I shall stop. He cheats, he lies, he doesn't keep his promises. He doesn't want to be accountable or to take responsibility. He doesn't want to grow up. He doesn't want to learn. Or to change. It's his problem, not mine. Who cares if his women cheated on him? Who cares if she bores him? Who cares if they're not compatible? Who cares if sisters and brothers and mothers like her, although they don't suit each other? Who cares if his woman lets him step all over her? He could always change. He could always put a stop to it all. He has a choice. He made his bed. He sleep in it. Why must I allow myself to be dragged along? Yes, he is miserable. Yes, he is upset. But he doesn't want to change. There are no excuses for wallowing in self-misery, and burying himself in the quick-sand of uselessness. His life. His shit. Not mine.)

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.

(Thank you. I am, who I am. Take me as I am, or not at all. Now I'd sooner go for sperm donation than allow idiocy near me again.)

Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

(Mother's wise words. Oh, how could I forget?)

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends".
A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
(Again, 1, 2, 3. How many times must I go through this before I realise it for what it is? No more. It's too painful. I have self-respect. Until he respects me and tells me what he wants from me, he isn't a friend. I shouldn't not allow myself the justification of telling him he's crap. Which he is. He's no friend. Friends don't make use of each other. Friends are there for each other through thick and thin. Friends protect and nurture each other. Friends listen to what each other has to say, and change for the better.)

Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
(They all did. I was young, and stupid. I sure hope I'm smarter now.)

Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
(That's true. 4 years of wasted time. Being in Moronia. Somebody's 2 years plus of whiny self-pity. Where did it take either of us? Stuck in a rut, is where. Basta! I stop. It isn't going to get better if neither party makes an effort. Or if either one is too different from each other. Or if Trust, Respect OR Communication is already out the window. Pointless to force myself to pretend to be happy when I'm really not.)

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
(If I am ever this stupid, somebody slap me. HARD. On both cheeks. The dude who thinks/ thought I'd do this really didn't take the time to know me well enough. So Fuck you.)

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

(Told this to some girlfriends once. They thought I was cold. But I guess I was just never a child. And I never trusted men enough. Or I just liked my own space way too much to give it up. Freedom is important to me. Besides, if both partners mix in the same group, when a split happens, friends are forced to take sides. I'd be miserable if my ONLY friends are also his friends and my friends either feel bad about taking my side, or are no longer on my side. We all need friends. It's important to have mutual and separate friends. We're individuals sharing lives. Not barnacles. But this had always been what I felt. I was never young.)

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
(Oh how they hate me for this. How I intimidate them, frighten them off. I don't care. I don't want men with dysfunctional gonads anyway.)

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
(True, thank God he doesn't know everything. None of them do. Even some of my best girlfriends do not know everything.)

You cannot change a man's behaviour.
Change comes from within.
(Therefore, no point trying to change a man if he doesn't want to change himself. It's true for everyone. If he changes for you, it'd be short term. It's like giving a man a fish. He eats for but a meal. If he changes for himself, it'd be for a lifetime. He'd have learnt how to fish. And he can fish for his meal until the day he dies.)

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job.
Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
(I never did. I hope to God, I never will. I don't want to lose the sense of who I am. My independence, my self-assurance.)

Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
(Yes, so many of them. So I stop. No more. I don't want to do a Loser. Call a Dog, a Dog, and a Cat, a Cat. Call a Loser, a Loser. A Cheat, a Cheat. A Liar, a Liar. A Bastard, a Bastard. I shall stop side-stepping the issue and call it as it is. And I shall be accountable for my own sins.)

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
(So I gotta make sure I treat myself right, first of all.)

All men are NOT dogs.
(No, though there are plenty of them around, they can cloud your judgment.)

You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two way street.

You need time to heal between relationships. ..there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
(Tough lesson learned. And yet so many refuse to see.)

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals.
Look for someone complementary, not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
(Yes it is :))

Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
(Men take many things for granted. All the time.)

Never move into his mother's house.
(NO. How'd he like moving into mine? Another way to get him to take you for granted.)

Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
(That means a lot of attention, a lot of love and devotion, lots of kisses and cuddles, bedtime aerobics to burn off the calories he fed u, no irresponsible cowardice, and a diamond ring and his mother's blessings for good measure. But remember, it's him you're marrying, not his mother. You don't have to like her to be civil to her.)

Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
(Because, trust me, that's EXACTLY what he's doing to you.)

Share this with other women and men (just so they know)... You'll make
someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate
them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.
**

That's what I've to say. Guess I was never young. It's been said that all women are born with a hundred years' worth of collective feminine wisdom on them. Sometimes, I wonder if I was born with 150. It's both a blessing and a curse.