Existential

I have a moneyplant. In green fertiliser balls...

I had thought they would be able to grow in those balls... but apparently they can't.

They don't die... but they don't grow either... it's... unnatural... 

It's like living on an existential plane- neither dying, nor living... just... there...

I hate it... I guess perhaps it's my background in biology... for me, there has to be the natural cycle of reproduction, growth, senescence and death...

A fellow wanker asked me about 8 years ago... if given the choice, would I choose immortality?

Would I prefer the gift of eternal life, and, having cheated death, has no fear of anything else? But with that gift comes great dissatisfaction and jadedness... having seen it all, what difference is there anymore?

Or would I rather feel everything once, and having felt all that, am content to rest myself in the ground... even if dying can be frightening and painful...

Yeah, we're morbid.

And yes, I think you know my answer. I choose life and death. All the trials and tribulations of it.