Jettisoning myself...

He doesn't get it...

Why I had to speak to someone who knows him well, more his friend than mine, who would be able to provide me a more balanced, neutral opinion. I was at the end of my road. Who else was I to speak to, his mother? Mine? :( 

Why I'm insecure... why I distrust him... he doesn't get it. He doesn't get how his actions affect me, even 292kms away.

How this is my last ditch attempt at this relationship...

He thinks this is a cry for attention instead :(

That this little space of mine in cyberworld is the one place where I find solitude sometimes. Which is why I keep it mostly anonymous, which is why sometimes I let it go for long periods without writing anything. 

This is my personal avenue for heartbreak, for frustration, for rage... He requested that I not keep anything secret from him, which was why I still blog here. This is part of me, after all. If I don't write here, where do I write then? Just to keep my distance, should I write somewhere else?

He doesn't get me... he doesn't get my need for devotion. He doesn't get that without that, everything else doesn't feel the same for me. He doesn't get that, for me, everything's connected. Devotion = passion = love = sex. 

He doesn't get why I walked out in the rain.

Why I can't seem to eat anything, why I can't seem to sleep. Not that I don't want to, I couldn't.

And I don't get him. That swirling cess pool of his mind. Trying so hard. Failing miserably.