Motherhood
Motherhood
Wednesday, 27 December 2006. 1936 hours.
When asked, why, in this time and age, I still intend to be a mother, I am stumped for words. I, in a rare moment, do not have anything smart to say.
How do I explain that call to procreate? How can I explain that very basic instint?
I want to feel life in me. I want to feel it fill me and stretch me to the brink, to the fullest capacity. I want to feel it grow in me and make me feel things that I would never feel for myself, or feel otherwise.
I want to feel fear and despair and sorrow. I want to feel courage and hope and a happiness so profound, I am without words.
How can I explain it?
I want to feel that powerful connection with another human being. I want to feel a love so moving, I would give my life for it. I want to feel. I want to feel my emotions and my soul touched by someone else. I want to feel emotions I have never felt.
No words could express what I'm trying to say. I can't explain myself, and I don't know how.
Yes, I feel the call of motherhood. I want to create a living, breathing, moving testament of my love with someone else. A life beyond my own. I know children would have a mind, a heart, and a body of their own, and there's nothing much I can do besides trying my best to instil core values in them. Hopefully, those values would outlast society's latest fads, and they would know what's best for themselves. The rest is up to prayer and faith.
But I also know that I am not ready for it. I do not yet have the mental, emotional and physical strength, or the finances to bring children into this world. I do not want to bear my children for them to suffer.
And thus, my eggs are rotting in their little shell, and my vagina is drying up.... (As my friend, V, would say, damn him :P....)
Wednesday, 27 December 2006. 1936 hours.
When asked, why, in this time and age, I still intend to be a mother, I am stumped for words. I, in a rare moment, do not have anything smart to say.
How do I explain that call to procreate? How can I explain that very basic instint?
I want to feel life in me. I want to feel it fill me and stretch me to the brink, to the fullest capacity. I want to feel it grow in me and make me feel things that I would never feel for myself, or feel otherwise.
I want to feel fear and despair and sorrow. I want to feel courage and hope and a happiness so profound, I am without words.
How can I explain it?
I want to feel that powerful connection with another human being. I want to feel a love so moving, I would give my life for it. I want to feel. I want to feel my emotions and my soul touched by someone else. I want to feel emotions I have never felt.
No words could express what I'm trying to say. I can't explain myself, and I don't know how.
Yes, I feel the call of motherhood. I want to create a living, breathing, moving testament of my love with someone else. A life beyond my own. I know children would have a mind, a heart, and a body of their own, and there's nothing much I can do besides trying my best to instil core values in them. Hopefully, those values would outlast society's latest fads, and they would know what's best for themselves. The rest is up to prayer and faith.
But I also know that I am not ready for it. I do not yet have the mental, emotional and physical strength, or the finances to bring children into this world. I do not want to bear my children for them to suffer.
And thus, my eggs are rotting in their little shell, and my vagina is drying up.... (As my friend, V, would say, damn him :P....)
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